Jokes
- Thread starter Votto
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- Sep 19, 2020
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badbob85037
Diamond Member
- Jun 30, 2018
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Why did the democRat cross the road?
He had his dick in a chicken.
What do ghetto kids get for Christmas? Your bike.
Why doesn't michael obama wear panties when she goes to a picnic?
It keeps the flies off the watermelon.
What is the difference between obama and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out
He had his dick in a chicken.
What do ghetto kids get for Christmas? Your bike.
Why doesn't michael obama wear panties when she goes to a picnic?
It keeps the flies off the watermelon.
What is the difference between obama and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out
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Ringo
Gold Member
English lord, 84 years old, at a reception:
- Can you imagine, doctor, despite our efforts, my young wife cannot give me an heir in any way.
- What can I recommend, sir. Hire a young secretary and go around the world on your yacht. The sea air works wonders...
...six months later...
- Your advice, sir, turned out to be very useful. My wife is pregnant!
- Glad to help, sir. By the way, how does your secretary feel?
- Thank you, well she's pregnant too.
-
A married couple from California could not get pregnant in any way.
They applied to the best clinics of their country and Europe, but all the eminent specialists just shrugged their hands: "everything is fine with you, you are healthy" ...
As a result, desperate, they began to look for non-traditional practices. One of the "strange" well-wishers advised to turn to a Siberian shaman, who, it seems, is a very strong medium.
The couple came to Russia. Wading through the wilds of the coniferous taiga, surviving among wild animals and stoically enduring the attacks of aggressive midges, they eventually managed to get to this shaman.
The desperate couple, being on an unfriendly earth, met with the one they were so eager for, almost begged: "Oh, wise one, help us! We are good people! They have led a healthy lifestyle all their lives! We didn't do anything wrong to anyone! But why did the Almighty punish us so and we can't conceive a child?!..
The wise shaman looked at them and said: "Hey guys, what the f*ck is wrong with you?!"
- Can you imagine, doctor, despite our efforts, my young wife cannot give me an heir in any way.
- What can I recommend, sir. Hire a young secretary and go around the world on your yacht. The sea air works wonders...
...six months later...
- Your advice, sir, turned out to be very useful. My wife is pregnant!
- Glad to help, sir. By the way, how does your secretary feel?
- Thank you, well she's pregnant too.
-
A married couple from California could not get pregnant in any way.
They applied to the best clinics of their country and Europe, but all the eminent specialists just shrugged their hands: "everything is fine with you, you are healthy" ...
As a result, desperate, they began to look for non-traditional practices. One of the "strange" well-wishers advised to turn to a Siberian shaman, who, it seems, is a very strong medium.
The couple came to Russia. Wading through the wilds of the coniferous taiga, surviving among wild animals and stoically enduring the attacks of aggressive midges, they eventually managed to get to this shaman.
The desperate couple, being on an unfriendly earth, met with the one they were so eager for, almost begged: "Oh, wise one, help us! We are good people! They have led a healthy lifestyle all their lives! We didn't do anything wrong to anyone! But why did the Almighty punish us so and we can't conceive a child?!..
The wise shaman looked at them and said: "Hey guys, what the f*ck is wrong with you?!"
Ringo
Gold Member
If a woman invited you to tea, and you came without alcohol and condoms, then you don't understand anything about tea drinking ceremony.
Ringo
Gold Member
- Why do many women watch a porn movie to the end?
- They are waiting for what is happening on the screen will end with a wedding.
- They are waiting for what is happening on the screen will end with a wedding.
Ringo
Gold Member
Dear, I invite you to a romantic dinner, smoothly turning into breakfast. - Are you crazy? Eat all night?
- Sep 19, 2020
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Baron Von Murderpaws
Diamond Member
I laughed SO HARD..........I think I did a Biden in my pants!!!!
Baron Von Murderpaws
Diamond Member
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Baron Von Murderpaws
Diamond Member
What do I do you ask????
Baron Von Murderpaws
Diamond Member
Ringo
Gold Member
The IRA veteran tells his grandchildren about his adventures:
- One day, after another action, we had to lie low. A few days later we ran out of all Guinness, and five days later we ran out of all whiskey. We suffered from thirst, the guys were barely alive.
— Why, didn't you have water?
- Believe me, son, we didn't have time to wash then.
- One day, after another action, we had to lie low. A few days later we ran out of all Guinness, and five days later we ran out of all whiskey. We suffered from thirst, the guys were barely alive.
— Why, didn't you have water?
- Believe me, son, we didn't have time to wash then.
- Sep 19, 2020
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Ringo
Gold Member
The Jew left Russia for permanent residence in Germany.
After some time, he writes a letter to a friend:
"Moische, you won't believe it! When I got to Hamburg, I was offered a job.
Moische, hold on tight, but better sit down, otherwise you'll fall! You have no idea what I do in Germany!
Now I work at a local funeral home. And what do you think for that, I'm working in the crematorium!
Yes, Moische! I'm burning germans in a crematorium!!!"
After some time, he writes a letter to a friend:
"Moische, you won't believe it! When I got to Hamburg, I was offered a job.
Moische, hold on tight, but better sit down, otherwise you'll fall! You have no idea what I do in Germany!
Now I work at a local funeral home. And what do you think for that, I'm working in the crematorium!
Yes, Moische! I'm burning germans in a crematorium!!!"
Ringo
Gold Member
In my opinion, only one actor has an amazing specificity of a name - you can replace each letter of his first and last name with another, but still everyone will understand who it is about.
Isn't that right, Kurbliduch Barbadrink?
- Oh, is that а Burgerkid Genderswitch?
Yes, Bundesmit Grabenkrug
- I thought it was Blinkenkrip Badenwatch
No, Кickendick Gardenbitch
Isn't that right, Kurbliduch Barbadrink?
- Oh, is that а Burgerkid Genderswitch?
Yes, Bundesmit Grabenkrug
- I thought it was Blinkenkrip Badenwatch
No, Кickendick Gardenbitch
What's the difference between Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point
A knife has a point
- Sep 19, 2020
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