Poll Shows Majority Of Democrats Believe Lincoln Assassination Staged

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Poll Shows Majority Of Democrats Believe Lincoln Assassination Staged​

U.S.·Apr 29, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — The growing rift between the political right and left in the country became even more evident this week, as a new poll showed that a majority of Democrats believe the Lincoln assassination was staged.

Though long held to be a historical fact, a plurality of Democratic voters went on record in a research study to confirm that they now suspect that President Abraham Lincoln was never actually assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, and that the entire incident was simply an elaborate hoax.

"That whole situation was suspicious," lifelong Democrat Dean Stinson posted on social media. "Sure, the government and the educational system want you to believe that President Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth at Ford's Theater, but let's be honest here, things don't add up. First of all, do you know what John Wilkes Booth did for a living? That's right — he was an actor. Actors literally spend their time playing roles and pretending. Sounds like just the guy you'd want to pull off a staged assassination, am I right?"

A majority of those who participated in the poll agreed. "It all just worked out a little too perfectly, didn't it?" said Andrew Huff, another Democrat. "You mean to tell me Booth supposedly shot Lincoln, stabbed another guy, jumped out of the theater box, ‘broke his leg,' and still managed to get away and hide for 12 days before he was captured? Please. Something doesn't seem right. The vibes aren't vibing. My gut tells me this has been a conspiracy all along."

At publishing time, a follow-up poll also indicated that a majority of Democrats believe former President John F. Kennedy is likely alive today and living somewhere in the Florida Keys.