make your own "the most interesting man in the world" bits

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He once made a 30,000-square-foot sandcastle out of pure Colombian cocaine.

 

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The rubber bullets in his guns are jacketed hollow points that explode on impact.

 

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The mice in his laboratory have been conditioned to accept death with humility.

 

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He has cypress trees in the yard of his home in the North Pole.

 

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His dogs' houses are built to withstand the impact of a 500-teraton rogue solar flare.

 

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He has a double ferris wheel in one of his bathrooms — not a replica: an actual, full-size double ferris wheel.

 

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The rock band Kiss once customized their song "Deuce" as "Thrice" in a concert, just because they'd gotten word that he was in the audience.

 

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His roosters routinely win fights — with phoenixes.

 

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He once went to a costume ball dressed as Lady Gaga — and took home the prize for beauty queen.

 

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One of his bathrooms is wallpapered with exotic cars — actual, full-size exotic cars.

 

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He has been put into a wicker man — and walked out with mere first-degree burns.

 

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He once caught a giant squid — with merely a common earthworm as bait.

 

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He loves the ladies, but he LOVES the tramps.

 

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As a child, while his friends were skimming rocks across lakes and streams, he was catapulting boulders across oceans.

 

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Traces of his DNA are in all of the world's disease-control centers, just in case they need to spray them from bombers in the event of a pandemic.

 

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As a child, he won the Tour de France — on a Big Wheel.

 

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He has a dune buggy that runs on pure sexual angst.

 

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Elderly ladies open doors for HIM.

 

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If he comes to see you on Halloween, he is due a trick AND a treat.

 

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He has been in Cliff Clavin's kitchen.