occupied Aren't you an atheist?
I am a former believer who cannot forgive God for the evil in the world. If I should ever stand before him in judgement he's going to have to explain the purpose of my mother's horrible cruel lingering death.
When you were a former believer,
what did you believe specifically?
I was raised an old time southern Baptist. We went to church every time the doors opened.
And how were you saved? How did you come to accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior? How did that come about, how did you feel, how did it affect your life?
Went to church since birth, baptized in a lake, read the entire bible before I was twelve, never questioned anything until I got molested by a deacon, realized everyone knew about him and rebelled against church, remained a believer until everyone I loved started dying cruel deaths in return for their lifetimes of devotion. All of my immediate family is now dead and I am only in my mid fifties. Vast over-simplification of my spiritual journey but that's the highlights.
Your hope and desire to be reunited with your passed loved ones is only possible through Jesus. I believe that they are in ecstasy in Heaven and will be there to welcome you when it's your turn to go.
I can't believe there is anything beyond death, not anymore. My sense of goodness and justice has been continually raped by this cruel world and the horrible people who claim to speak for God the loudest. From my point of view the best, most blameless people suffer most while God rewards ruthlessness.
But how would we know good if we haven't experienced evil? How would we appreciate eternal life if we haven't experienced death? How would we appreciate the glories of Heaven if haven't experienced the many Hell holes on our planet?
God is real. Nothing didn't create the universe and all life within it. We have a creator, aka "God". He gave you life. Your family and friends that passed, well, they belong to God, not you. He called them home, where they belong. You should be grateful to God that they are with him rather than being bitter that you're still here. Yea, that's easy for me to say because I'm not in your shoes, but I still believe it to be true.
Be grateful to God for your life and for the love that you have had and look forward to going to Heaven and being with your loved ones forever and in a place where there is no more sin, pain, suffering or death.