Are you laughing or crying thinking about your upcoming family's Thanksgiving dinner?

[notmyfault2020]

My parents liked to fight on holidays. Long, violent fights. Every holiday dinner ended up on the floor. It was so bad, I would lock myself in the closet. Being alone is not a punishment for me.

so sorry to hear that.. very sorry.

I know what it's like to have a "dysfunctional" family AND be neglected, etc. I'm wondering if your parents fought on other occasions or just thanksgiving? Mine fought when I was a very young child but then seemed to iron things out bc the fights stopped and so I had a more/less normal childhood.. but very abnormal teen years.. long story.

Anyway.. just wondering if they fought all the time or just on holidays..

 

[EvilCat Breath]

so sorry to hear that.. very sorry.

I know what it's like to have a "dysfunctional" family AND be neglected, etc. I'm wondering if your parents fought on other occasions or just thanksgiving? Mine fought when I was a very young child but then seemed to iron things out bc the fights stopped and so I had a more/less normal childhood.. but very abnormal teen years.. long story.

Anyway.. just wondering if they fought all the time or just on holidays..

Oh no. They fought all the time, every day. The extra special fights were for holidays. All holidays. As an adult I once said " you don't need to fight like this. It's not even a real holiday, it's Labor Day." They have both passed or they would be throwing knives at each other on Eid.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

I was out of the house by the time I was fifteen.

 

[The Duke]

Eh, Idk if I'm going or not. There was almost a dust-up at Christmas between an old man and a cousin's wife's cousins or some shit. They're sour-faced Democrats. Her husband's a soy motherfucker if I've ever seen one!

Now I played nice that time..no guarantees I could keep it up forever. Idk, so many people are gone now. But it's good to hold

onto who's left, too. I know they were right there in the old days with me.

 

[The Duke]

My parents liked to fight on holidays. Long, violent fights. Every holiday dinner ended up on the floor. It was so bad, I would lock myself in the closet. Being alone is not a punishment for me.

At least it's peaceful, right?

 

[notmyfault2020]

Oh no. They fought all the time, every day. The extra special fights were for holidays. All holidays. As an adult I once said " you don't need to fight like this. It's not even a real holiday, it's Labor Day." They have both passed or they would be throwing knives at each other on Eid.

wow... Why did they fight all the time? Over what? Of course, today, they would be given the advice to divorce already. I don't believe in divorce (which is why I've never been married.. laugh).

 

[notmyfault2020]

I was out of the house by the time I was fifteen.

child abuse. I hope things worked out well in spite of it all..

 

[EvilCat Breath]

At least it's peaceful, right?

The first Thanksgiving I had when I was alone was so quiet and peaceful, I almost cried.

 

[notmyfault2020]

Eh, Idk if I'm going or not. There was almost a dust-up at Christmas between an old man and a cousin's wife's cousins or some shit. They're sour-faced Democrats. Her husband's a soy motherfucker if I've ever seen one!

Now I played nice that time..no guarantees I could keep it up forever. Idk, so many people are gone now. But it's good to hold

onto who's left, too. I know they were right there in the old days with me.

I u/stand that uncertainty about going thing! I spent HOURS literally in prayer one time b4 finally going to this one relative's home for T-giving. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I was really listening to God in that decision! I could be wrong.. Who knows about God 24/7? I mean, we walk in the dark about SO many things.. but at least I prayed and I definitely do not regret the prayer (in the Church, best place to pray bc you are in Christ's tangible Presence). BTW this shows what totally fallen creatures we are.. that even in His Presence, we are not guaranteed to get things right vis a vis such aforementioned choices/decisions. On the other hand, i have no proof I made the wrong one (in God's eyes.. nothing horrendous happend as a result of that decision) and maybe God was just leaving it up to me, as He is known to do. He seems to like giving us free will about most things.. as long as we do not commit mortal sin. I wonder if it was a venial sin, though, having anything to do with people who are... as stated b4.. not putting Jesus first and apparently not trying.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

wow... Why did they fight all the time? Over what? Of course, today, they would be given the advice to divorce already. I don't believe in divorce (which is why I've never been married.. laugh).

Many of the fights weren't over anything. It was just sniping until it exploded. To get away, I'd lock myself in the closet. I put in a hook and eye so they couldn't open the door. Then they would fight over whose fault it was that I was in the closet. Kinda funny looking back.

I don't know how they did it but they would fight all night. Then function the next day. I couldn't do it. I would ditch school and find somewhere to sleep.

 

[notmyfault2020]

The first Thanksgiving I had when I was alone was so quiet and peaceful, I almost cried.

totally understand. in fact, that's the one good thing about having poor relationships with everyone or virtually everyone: you appreciate NOT being around them.. you appreciate peace and quiet more than ever, and it is in the quiet times that we can hear the Lord (of course there is sometimes too much "noise" in the old gray matter..)

 

[notmyfault2020]

Many of the fights weren't over anything. It was just sniping until it exploded. To get away, I'd lock myself in the closet. I put in a hook and eye so they couldn't open the door. Then they would fight over whose fault it was that I was in the closet. Kinda funny looking back.

I don't know how they did it but they would fight all night. Then function the next day. I couldn't do it. I would ditch school and find somewhere to sleep.

what's a hook and eye?

This may sound odd but I sometimes think that if my own childhood had been.. say, more like yours.. you know.. more tangibly bad.. maybe I would have been stronger when I was older.. and therefore would have been better at working out problems in human relationships of various kinds.. but I fail miserably because.. I guess mostly bc I really just want to be alone.. like virtually all the time. You get to where you just KNOW you will never have a healthy relationship with ANYONE.. yes, its defeatist thinking (feeling) but.. Frankly, I've never been wrong.. every relationship I even think of having (starting) eventually goes the way of.. all the ones that went b4, no matter how hard I try..

 

[OhPleaseJustQuit]

I have a son who has a wife who has 3 grown children from a prior marriage. They all get together. I opt out. It's not my family.

Those children are Democrats. They lurch from crisis to crisis and emergency to emergency. It's exhausting and depressing.

After my brother died, I made the mistake of spending a Christmas with his wife and her family. Same deal, and I was stuck for two days in a different town with no way to exit. It was torture.

 

[notmyfault2020]

After my brother died, I made the mistake of spending a Christmas with his wife and her family. Same deal, and I was stuck for two days in a different town with no way to exit. It was torture.

wow.. .amazing the sad stories here!

What was the gist of the problem?

 

[EvilCat Breath]

totally understand. in fact, that's the one good thing about having poor relationships with everyone or virtually everyone: you appreciate NOT being around them.. you appreciate peace and quiet more than ever, and it is in the quiet times that we can hear the Lord (of course there is sometimes too much "noise" in the old gray matter..)

Many times well meaning people ask me to have a holiday with them. I refuse as kindly as I can. Many will press the invitation thinking that being alone is depressing. They don't realize how hard I will fight for my solitude. I have no problem lashing out.

My partner badgered me for weeks into Christmas dinner with his family. I narrowed my eyes, squared my jaw and destroyed the entire dinner. There wasn't one person that I didn't insult. I refused to eat anything. I told a six year old boy that he was adopted and his parents were going to give him back. My message was, do not make this mistake again. I guard my peace.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

what's a hook and eye?

This may sound odd but I sometimes think that if my own childhood had been.. say, more like yours.. you know.. more tangibly bad.. maybe I would have been stronger when I was older.. and therefore would have been better at working out problems in human relationships of various kinds.. but I fail miserably because.. I guess mostly bc I really just want to be alone.. like virtually all the time. You get to where you just KNOW you will never have a healthy relationship with ANYONE.. yes, its defeatist thinking (feeling) but.. Frankly, I've never been wrong.. every relationship I even think of having (starting) eventually goes the way of.. all the ones that went b4, no matter how hard I try..

A hook and eye is a simple barrier. It's not exactly a lock. One part is a hook, that gets screwed into a door. The eye is a closed loop. It gets screwed into the door frame. When the hook is hooked into the eye, it will keep the door closed.

I am not good at relationships. I tend to smash them into car wrecks.

 

[notmyfault2020]

Many times well meaning people ask me to have a holiday with them. I refuse as kindly as I can. Many will press the invitation thinking that being alone is depressing. They don't realize how hard I will fight for my solitude. I have no problem lashing out.

My partner badgered me for weeks into Christmas dinner with his family. I narrowed my eyes, squared my jaw and destroyed the entire dinner. There wasn't one person that I didn't insult. I refused to eat anything. I told a six year old boy that he was adopted and his parents were going to give him back. My message was, do not make this mistake again. I guard my peace.

well... no offense but I can't help thinking of that Scripture that says

Be angry but sin not..

The 6 yr old didn't cause the problem, presumably.. I mean, even if he somehow could be said to have caused a problem.. he is only 6 years old

 

[notmyfault2020]

A hook and eye is a simple barrier. It's not exactly a lock. One part is a hook, that gets screwed into a door. The eye is a closed loop. It gets screwed into the door frame. When the hook is hooked into the eye, it will keep the door closed.

I am not good at relationships. I tend to smash them into car wrecks.

we have this in common. I am not good at them either. But I don't smash them.. It seems people just don't like devout Catholics.. (and maybe a few other things but I never do anything terribly wrong)

 

[EvilCat Breath]

well... no offense but I can't help thinking of that Scripture that says

Be angry but sin not..

The 6 yr old didn't cause the problem, presumably.. I mean, even if he somehow could be said to have caused a problem.. he is only 6 years old

Of course the six year old didn't cause a problem. The problem was with the self righteous do gooder that badgered me disturbing my peace so they could feel good about themselves. They were opening their hospitality to someone who would otherwise be alone. For their benefit not mine. They needed to be punished so severely they would never make that mistake again.

 

[Unkotare]

Many times well meaning people ask me to have a holiday with them. I refuse as kindly as I can. Many will press the invitation thinking that being alone is depressing. They don't realize how hard I will fight for my solitude. I have no problem lashing out.

My partner badgered me for weeks into Christmas dinner with his family. I narrowed my eyes, squared my jaw and destroyed the entire dinner. There wasn't one person that I didn't insult. I refused to eat anything. I told a six year old boy that he was adopted and his parents were going to give him back. My message was, do not make this mistake again. I guard my peace.

You sound like a real asshole.