What should you do if someone you know is getting hurt in their home or relationship?

[Madeline]

I do so enjoy reading a block of big blue text that actually tells me fuck all that I wasn't already aware of... not.

CaliGirl, if you don't like reading Maddy's threads, why do you click on them and comment?

She's just a pathetic miserable C or just a pathetic troll

I am a chick, ergo, I am cuntly. I have not sought out CG in real life and beaten her senseless, ergo, I am not a Troll.

But I CAN be The Bitch You Fear. Was how I made my living -- do you really think DV perps ENJOYED facing off with a chick lawyer back in the day? I'm as likely to ever be intimidated by something you write here, Dr Gregg, as I'm likely to have pigs fly outta my ears. Could happen, but I dun obsess about it.

And buy a thersarus if you wanna insult me. I need a better class of hate speech or I tend to drift off to sleep.

 

[editec]

If you're to be murdered by the hand of another in America, the probability is that you'll be killed in a domestic dispute.

 

[Madeline]

The last time I tracked that editec, the odds something like were 9 out of 10. Very few people are killed by someone they don't and never have lived with, despite what the local evening news would have us believe.

 

[Dr Gregg]

CaliGirl, if you don't like reading Maddy's threads, why do you click on them and comment?

She's just a pathetic miserable C or just a pathetic troll

As is anyone that disagrees with you. You're funny - in a 'could this dude be any more stupid' kind of way.

MOre idiocy. YOu are an asshole, plain and simple. YOu rarely post anything of intelligence but throw around the "idiot" word. Yes, the more trolls like you call me stupid, the more dumb you actually look. Yes, I'm an idiot with a PhD in science.

laugh all you want, say things about me that fit you to a tee, that's what trolls do

 

[Dr Gregg]

Umm, what's there to do? Many times the person being abused doesn't want to get out, makes up excuses for the person beating them, doesn't press charges, and doesn't help themselves. Hard to help anybody with that type of mentality.

and I'm not buying the excuses for why the domestic violence person lets it get to teh point of severe beatings. They are weak to stay in such a relationship. Maybe some cases they have no other options, but a lot of just weak minded and weak willed. Granted I can't understand their mentality, but that's just my take on it.

Do you realize how goofy this sounds Dr Gregg? Replace "DV Victim" with "POW" and re-read what you have written. There are certainly people with issues who seek out abusers over and over...but hardly any of us will ever meet one. Such folks are rare, and seriously mentally ill. That's a slow suicide.

You know and have known dozens, maybe hundreds of DV victims and survivors of DV. Every single time you speak as you have here, you twist a knife in their gut..."it was your fault, you should be ashamed, etc".

Why the fuck would you want to do that to a crime victim? Are you also busy bashing carjacking victims for buying better cars?

YOu know how silly you look making excuses and claiming a domestic partner is the same as a POW? You can bullshit and dance around the psychology all you want, bottom line the person who is a victim is completely weak willed and weak minded. They chose to get into that kind of relationship, they let the person abuse and manipulate them, they were too weak to get help and get out of it. They could of nipped it in the bud. NOthing even remotely similar to being a prisoner of war.

Sorry, life is tough, and the truth is tough. I feel bad for them, but the bottom line is they got into the mess that they did, they let it get that far. It's like making excuses for drug addicts who tried and abused the drugs in the first place to get in the position they are in. Do I feel bad for them, sure. But doesn't change the fact that they are partly responsible for their predicament.

 

[Dr Gregg]

CaliGirl, if you don't like reading Maddy's threads, why do you click on them and comment?

She's just a pathetic miserable C or just a pathetic troll

I am a chick, ergo, I am cuntly. I have not sought out CG in real life and beaten her senseless, ergo, I am not a Troll.

But I CAN be The Bitch You Fear. Was how I made my living -- do you really think DV perps ENJOYED facing off with a chick lawyer back in the day? I'm as likely to ever be intimidated by something you write here, Dr Gregg, as I'm likely to have pigs fly outta my ears. Could happen, but I dun obsess about it.

And buy a thersarus if you wanna insult me. I need a better class of hate speech or I tend to drift off to sleep.

Yet another example of reading comprehension fail, I was talking about CG

 

[Avatar4321]

I think the greatest thing you can do is bet their friend. You can't make them see what is obvious without them consenting. I think alot of it has to do with being honest with ourselves.

 

[Avatar4321]

Yet another example of reading comprehension fail, I was talking about CG

And yet you somehow think that makes what you said better for some odd reason.

There is nothing good about disrespecting women. They are our mothers, our wives, our sisters, our daughters, etc.

 

[Dr Gregg]

Yet another example of reading comprehension fail, I was talking about CG

And yet you somehow think that makes what you said better for some odd reason.

There is nothing good about disrespecting women. They are our mothers, our wives, our sisters, our daughters, etc.

you need to show respect to get it, and CG does nothing of the sort. So spare me the respect woman just because they are a woman bullshit. She should act like it if she wants to be treated like it. Respect is earned, not automatically given.

There are tons of disrespectful pieces of shit out there that are mother's and wives that don't deserve an ounce of respect.

 

[Si modo]

If I know someone who comes to work injured quite often and says they are getting injured at home, I would not assume someone is beating them. Possible, but it's also possible that they are a drunk.

 

[Avatar4321]

Yet another example of reading comprehension fail, I was talking about CG

And yet you somehow think that makes what you said better for some odd reason.

There is nothing good about disrespecting women. They are our mothers, our wives, our sisters, our daughters, etc.

you need to show respect to get it, and CG does nothing of the sort. So spare me the respect woman just because they are a woman bullshit. She should act like it if she wants to be treated like it. Respect is earned, not automatically given.

There are tons of disrespectful pieces of shit out there that are mother's and wives that don't deserve an ounce of respect.

No respect is given regardless. The earning respect crap is nonsense by rude and crude people who want to make excuses about why they can be rude all day long.

 

[Madeline]

Umm, what's there to do? Many times the person being abused doesn't want to get out, makes up excuses for the person beating them, doesn't press charges, and doesn't help themselves. Hard to help anybody with that type of mentality.

and I'm not buying the excuses for why the domestic violence person lets it get to teh point of severe beatings. They are weak to stay in such a relationship. Maybe some cases they have no other options, but a lot of just weak minded and weak willed. Granted I can't understand their mentality, but that's just my take on it.

Do you realize how goofy this sounds Dr Gregg? Replace "DV Victim" with "POW" and re-read what you have written. There are certainly people with issues who seek out abusers over and over...but hardly any of us will ever meet one. Such folks are rare, and seriously mentally ill. That's a slow suicide.

You know and have known dozens, maybe hundreds of DV victims and survivors of DV. Every single time you speak as you have here, you twist a knife in their gut..."it was your fault, you should be ashamed, etc".

Why the fuck would you want to do that to a crime victim? Are you also busy bashing carjacking victims for buying better cars?

YOu know how silly you look making excuses and claiming a domestic partner is the same as a POW? You can bullshit and dance around the psychology all you want, bottom line the person who is a victim is completely weak willed and weak minded. They chose to get into that kind of relationship, they let the person abuse and manipulate them, they were too weak to get help and get out of it. They could of nipped it in the bud. NOthing even remotely similar to being a prisoner of war.

Sorry, life is tough, and the truth is tough. I feel bad for them, but the bottom line is they got into the mess that they did, they let it get that far. It's like making excuses for drug addicts who tried and abused the drugs in the first place to get in the position they are in. Do I feel bad for them, sure. But doesn't change the fact that they are partly responsible for their predicament.

Of course a DV victim is a responsible adult. As to the comparision to a POW -- all I can say is until you have walked in the shoes of some of my clients, please suspend judgment. Terror and suffering are not limited to members of the military, Dr. Gregg -- I know that you know this. Let's begin by asking any former POW how much worse it would have been if their CHILDREN had been undergoing the abuse they were along with them, but they could not protect them.

Re-read the Op, and you will see I make statements such as "You cannot help a DV victim with seamless denial." Although I feel you can help a DV victim break the wall of denial, unless or until they do -- apart from extenuating circumstances -- these folks are adults, and we need to respect the choices they make regarding their personal lives no matter how much we might disapprove. I state VERY strongly in the Op that placing YOURSELF at risk in an effort to assist someone suffering DV is both DANGEROUS and unnecessary.

If you are one of our human community member who opts out of assisting anyone caught in a DV situation, fine by me. That is an ethical question we each resolve as we see fit...none of us are superman and rescuing one another is not our job. Some of us see it as a choice we prefer to make, and others of us value a "live and let live" philosophy. Good people have been found in either end of this equation within the human community. But I wonder, do you ignore abuse of animals? Abuse of the elderly? Abuse of children? If not, why are DV adult victims the only group of people you feel deserve nothing from you, or from the rest of us?

I am asking AGAIN that you, Dr Gregg, refrain from posting "blame the weak-willed and weak-minded victims" remarks on the web or stating such opinions elsewhere. Those listening to what you say or reading what you've written include REAL DV victims and survivors and your comments cause REAL pain. What you are doing is unnecessarially, gratitutious cruel.

In other words, if you have nothing you want to contribute, fine by me. But causing actual harm unnecessarially with stupid, ill-informed remarks that serve nobody and need not be repeated blows chunks and if you do this again, I will not be as polite when I reply to you.

Dr Gregg, IME there's one sort of adult who NEEDS to believe a DV victim has or did consent and somehow WANTS/wanted to be hurt in his or her home. THAT sort of adult is usually a DV perp himself, or someone whose sympathies lie with those criminals for whatever reason. I say you should sort out your guilt over your own criminal history or sympathies elsewhere, and not on the backs of folks who have suffered enough already.

Hating on the victims and survivors of DV makes as much sense as hating on the victims of rape -- or arson or burglary or murder. It's just a way to shame them and their families to ease our own guilt for not providing adequate law and order. Take your solace elsewhere....these people have been fucked over enough already.

 

[Dr Gregg]

And yet you somehow think that makes what you said better for some odd reason.

There is nothing good about disrespecting women. They are our mothers, our wives, our sisters, our daughters, etc.

you need to show respect to get it, and CG does nothing of the sort. So spare me the respect woman just because they are a woman bullshit. She should act like it if she wants to be treated like it. Respect is earned, not automatically given.

There are tons of disrespectful pieces of shit out there that are mother's and wives that don't deserve an ounce of respect.

No respect is given regardless. The earning respect crap is nonsense by rude and crude people who want to make excuses about why they can be rude all day long.

Yes, we know all holier than thou, master.. She is exactly like you say, rude and crude, so she gets it back. But she supports your politics, and like a phony that you are that tries to pretend to be all non partisan, you don't see that.

 

[Madeline]

you need to show respect to get it, and CG does nothing of the sort. So spare me the respect woman just because they are a woman bullshit. She should act like it if she wants to be treated like it. Respect is earned, not automatically given.

There are tons of disrespectful pieces of shit out there that are mother's and wives that don't deserve an ounce of respect.

No respect is given regardless. The earning respect crap is nonsense by rude and crude people who want to make excuses about why they can be rude all day long.

Yes, we know all holier than thou, master.. She is exactly like you say, rude and crude, so she gets it back. But she supports your politics, and like a phony that you are that tries to pretend to be all non partisan, you don't see that.

Can you please take this horseshit to a PM, Dr Gregg? This thread is about Domestic Violence -- NOT about any particular USMB-er's fucking manners. Show a little freaking judgment and if you despise the woman, fine -- but learn when to SHUT THE FUCK UP IN PUBLIC.

I have to say Dr Gregg, hating on women seems to be a theme with you. I'm not always fond of what CG says either but I don't hijack entire threads just to carry on like my hair's on fire about her having a POV I don't like.

I am beginning to see a theme with you -- gratutious anger towards women. I wonder how Mrs. Dr Gregg or the ex Mrs Dr Gregg's would speak about you, if they felt free to do so?

 

[Dr Gregg]

Do you realize how goofy this sounds Dr Gregg? Replace "DV Victim" with "POW" and re-read what you have written. There are certainly people with issues who seek out abusers over and over...but hardly any of us will ever meet one. Such folks are rare, and seriously mentally ill. That's a slow suicide.

You know and have known dozens, maybe hundreds of DV victims and survivors of DV. Every single time you speak as you have here, you twist a knife in their gut..."it was your fault, you should be ashamed, etc".

Why the fuck would you want to do that to a crime victim? Are you also busy bashing carjacking victims for buying better cars?

YOu know how silly you look making excuses and claiming a domestic partner is the same as a POW? You can bullshit and dance around the psychology all you want, bottom line the person who is a victim is completely weak willed and weak minded. They chose to get into that kind of relationship, they let the person abuse and manipulate them, they were too weak to get help and get out of it. They could of nipped it in the bud. NOthing even remotely similar to being a prisoner of war.

Sorry, life is tough, and the truth is tough. I feel bad for them, but the bottom line is they got into the mess that they did, they let it get that far. It's like making excuses for drug addicts who tried and abused the drugs in the first place to get in the position they are in. Do I feel bad for them, sure. But doesn't change the fact that they are partly responsible for their predicament.

Of course a DV victim is a responsible adult. As to the comparision to a POW -- all I can say is until you have walked in the shoes of some of my clients, please suspend judgment. Terror and suffering are not limited to members of the military, Dr. Gregg -- I know that you know this. Let's begin by asking any former POW how much worse it would have been if their CHILDREN had been undergoing the abuse they were along with them, but they could not protect them.

Re-read the Op, and you will see I make statements such as "You cannot help a DV victim with seamless denial." Although I feel you can help a DV victim break the wall of denial, unless or until they do -- apart from extenuating circumstances -- these folks are adults, and we need to respect the choices they make regarding their personal lives no matter how much we might disapprove. I state VERY strongly in the Op that placing YOURSELF at risk in an effort to assist someone suffering DV is both DANGEROUS and unnecessary.

If you are one of our human community member who opts out of assisting anyone caught in a DV situation, fine by me. That is an ethical question we each resolve as we see fit...none of us are superman and rescuing one another is not our job. Some of us see it as a choice we prefer to make, and others of us value a "live and let live" philosophy. Good people have been found in either end of this equation within the human community. But I wonder, do you ignore abuse of animals? Abuse of the elderly? Abuse of children? If not, why are DV adult victims the only group of people you feel deserve nothing from you, or from the rest of us?

I am asking AGAIN that you, Dr Gregg, refrain from posting "blame the weak-willed and weak-minded victims" remarks on the web or stating such opinions elsewhere. Those listening to what you say or reading what you've written include REAL DV victims and survivors and your comments cause REAL pain. What you are doing is unnecessarially, gratitutious cruel.

In other words, if you have nothing you want to contribute, fine by me. But causing actual harm unnecessarially with stupid, ill-informed remarks that serve nobody and need not be repeated blows chunks and if you do this again, I will not be as polite when I reply to you.

Dr Gregg, IME there's one sort of adult who NEEDS to believe a DV victim has or did consent and somehow WANTS/wanted to be hurt in his or her home. THAT sort of adult is usually a DV perp himself, or someone whose sympathies lie with those criminals for whatever reason. I say you should sort out your guilt over your own criminal history or sympathies elsewhere, and not on the backs of folks who have suffered enough already.

Hating on the victims and survivors of DV makes as much sense as hating on the victims of rape -- or arson or burglary or murder. It's just a way to shame them and their families to ease our own guilt for not providing adequate law and order. Take your solace elsewhere....these people have been fucked over enough already.

You are so pathetic, and completely nuts, and no wonder why you are being attacked here Because I think women are weak for staying with abusing asshole, or letting it get to the point of abuse, that must mean I'm an abuser? Even though my first post on this forum clearly stated my disdain for the abuser? Even though I've never laid a hand on a woman and never will?

Sorry, these women don't just immediately get into the position where they are abused verbally and physically, like POW taken prisoner. They don't have to get in the relationship in the first place, they dont' have to let it get to the point of violence. It's their own lack of self esteem that gets them in that position. YOu can psychoanalyze it all you want, and I'm sure there is some truth to it, but bottom line is they let it get to the point and stayed with the person because they are not strong willed. That's the fact. ANd until these women like that have the strength to nip abuse in the bud, and get out of it when it happens,its just going to continue.

 

[Dr Gregg]

No respect is given regardless. The earning respect crap is nonsense by rude and crude people who want to make excuses about why they can be rude all day long.

Yes, we know all holier than thou, master.. She is exactly like you say, rude and crude, so she gets it back. But she supports your politics, and like a phony that you are that tries to pretend to be all non partisan, you don't see that.

Can you please take this horseshit to a PM, Dr Gregg? This thread is about Domestic Violence -- NOT abouyt any particular USMB-er's manners. Show a little freaking judgment and if you despise the woman, fine -- but learn when to SHUT THE FUCK UP IN PUBLIC.

I have to say Dr Gregg, hating on women seems to be a theme with you. I'm not always fond of what CG says either but I don't hijack entire threads just to carry on like my hair's on fire about her having a POV I don't like.

I am beginning to see a theme with you -- gratutious anger towards women. I wonder how Mrs. Dr Gregg or the ex Mrs Dr Gregg's would speak about you, if they felt free to do so?

Fuck you, you post a wall of babbling and whining and making excuses, then claim I beat woman because I disagree with your excuses and analagies. Like i give a fuck what you want. Anybody disagrees with your psychobabble, must be a woman beater.

Calling out CG has nothing to do with hating women, just disrespectful, trollish internet assholes

 

[Madeline]

Yes, we know all holier than thou, master.. She is exactly like you say, rude and crude, so she gets it back. But she supports your politics, and like a phony that you are that tries to pretend to be all non partisan, you don't see that.

Can you please take this horseshit to a PM, Dr Gregg? This thread is about Domestic Violence -- NOT abouyt any particular USMB-er's manners. Show a little freaking judgment and if you despise the woman, fine -- but learn when to SHUT THE FUCK UP IN PUBLIC.

I have to say Dr Gregg, hating on women seems to be a theme with you. I'm not always fond of what CG says either but I don't hijack entire threads just to carry on like my hair's on fire about her having a POV I don't like.

I am beginning to see a theme with you -- gratutious anger towards women. I wonder how Mrs. Dr Gregg or the ex Mrs Dr Gregg's would speak about you, if they felt free to do so?

Fuck you, you post a wall of babbling and whining and making excuses, then claim I beat woman. Like i give a fuck what you want. Now, get home and let your man beat you

I believe that post was a total violation of USMB's TOS. But I don't plan on reporting you. Why should I? Everyone reading it now sees you, Dr Gregg, just as I do -- as a man who has beaten or wants to beat someone in his home. We think you are human sludge.

So on behalf of all the men, women and children whose lives have been touched by DV, as well as all the folks who love them -- virtually anyone who will ever read this, lemme just say:

Men Like You Should Crawl Off And Die. In Prison.

And men and women like ME sometimes manage to see that they do just exactly that.

 

[Dr Gregg]

Can you please take this horseshit to a PM, Dr Gregg? This thread is about Domestic Violence -- NOT abouyt any particular USMB-er's manners. Show a little freaking judgment and if you despise the woman, fine -- but learn when to SHUT THE FUCK UP IN PUBLIC.

I have to say Dr Gregg, hating on women seems to be a theme with you. I'm not always fond of what CG says either but I don't hijack entire threads just to carry on like my hair's on fire about her having a POV I don't like.

I am beginning to see a theme with you -- gratutious anger towards women. I wonder how Mrs. Dr Gregg or the ex Mrs Dr Gregg's would speak about you, if they felt free to do so?

Fuck you, you post a wall of babbling and whining and making excuses, then claim I beat woman. Like i give a fuck what you want. Now, get home and let your man beat you

I believe that post was a total violation of USMB's TOS. But I don't plan on reporting you. Why should I? Everyone reading it now sees you, Dr Gregg, just as I do -- as a man who has beaten or wants to beat someone in his home. We think you are human sludge.

So on behalf of all men, women and children whose lives have been touched by DV, as well as all the folks who love them -- virtually anyone who will ever read this, lemme just say:

Men Like You Should Crawl Off And Die. In Prison.

And men and women like ME sometiimes manage to see that they do just exactly that.

Violation? WTF are you talking about? But your man bashing, and ASSumptions are perfectly fine. Only thing people are seeing here is what a nut job you are and how completely judgemental and unable to handle conflicting opinions, which is all I stated here and you go on attack mode.

YOu want to make accusations about people, but can't stand when they take offense to it?

Poor you, you are such a victim, its all everybody else's fault, you did nothing wrong YOu want to be an asshole and disrespectful, expect it back, or STFU

 

[Dr Gregg]

Continuing to make a complete fool of yourself Madeline, you couldn't be further from the truth about me. Maybe don't be such an emotional, knee jerk asshole and people won't be mean to you

 

[Madeline]

YOu know how silly you look making excuses and claiming a domestic partner is the same as a POW? You can bullshit and dance around the psychology all you want, bottom line the person who is a victim is completely weak willed and weak minded. They chose to get into that kind of relationship, they let the person abuse and manipulate them, they were too weak to get help and get out of it. They could of nipped it in the bud. NOthing even remotely similar to being a prisoner of war.

Sorry, life is tough, and the truth is tough. I feel bad for them, but the bottom line is they got into the mess that they did, they let it get that far. It's like making excuses for drug addicts who tried and abused the drugs in the first place to get in the position they are in. Do I feel bad for them, sure. But doesn't change the fact that they are partly responsible for their predicament.

Of course a DV victim is a responsible adult. As to the comparision to a POW -- all I can say is until you have walked in the shoes of some of my clients, please suspend judgment. Terror and suffering are not limited to members of the military, Dr. Gregg -- I know that you know this. Let's begin by asking any former POW how much worse it would have been if their CHILDREN had been undergoing the abuse they were along with them, but they could not protect them.

Re-read the Op, and you will see I make statements such as "You cannot help a DV victim with seamless denial." Although I feel you can help a DV victim break the wall of denial, unless or until they do -- apart from extenuating circumstances -- these folks are adults, and we need to respect the choices they make regarding their personal lives no matter how much we might disapprove. I state VERY strongly in the Op that placing YOURSELF at risk in an effort to assist someone suffering DV is both DANGEROUS and unnecessary.

If you are one of our human community member who opts out of assisting anyone caught in a DV situation, fine by me. That is an ethical question we each resolve as we see fit...none of us are superman and rescuing one another is not our job. Some of us see it as a choice we prefer to make, and others of us value a "live and let live" philosophy. Good people have been found in either end of this equation within the human community. But I wonder, do you ignore abuse of animals? Abuse of the elderly? Abuse of children? If not, why are DV adult victims the only group of people you feel deserve nothing from you, or from the rest of us?

I am asking AGAIN that you, Dr Gregg, refrain from posting "blame the weak-willed and weak-minded victims" remarks on the web or stating such opinions elsewhere. Those listening to what you say or reading what you've written include REAL DV victims and survivors and your comments cause REAL pain. What you are doing is unnecessarially, gratitutious cruel.

In other words, if you have nothing you want to contribute, fine by me. But causing actual harm unnecessarially with stupid, ill-informed remarks that serve nobody and need not be repeated blows chunks and if you do this again, I will not be as polite when I reply to you.

Dr Gregg, IME there's one sort of adult who NEEDS to believe a DV victim has or did consent and somehow WANTS/wanted to be hurt in his or her home. THAT sort of adult is usually a DV perp himself, or someone whose sympathies lie with those criminals for whatever reason. I say you should sort out your guilt over your own criminal history or sympathies elsewhere, and not on the backs of folks who have suffered enough already.

Hating on the victims and survivors of DV makes as much sense as hating on the victims of rape -- or arson or burglary or murder. It's just a way to shame them and their families to ease our own guilt for not providing adequate law and order. Take your solace elsewhere....these people have been fucked over enough already.

You are so pathetic, and completely nuts, and no wonder why you are being attacked here Because I think women are weak for staying with abusing asshole, or letting it get to the point of abuse, that must mean I'm an abuser? Even though my first post on this forum clearly stated my disdain for the abuser? Even though I've never laid a hand on a woman and never will?

Sorry, these women don't just immediately get into the position where they are abused verbally and physically, like POW taken prisoner. They don't have to get in the relationship in the first place, they dont' have to let it get to the point of violence. It's their own lack of self esteem that gets them in that position. YOu can psychoanalyze it all you want, and I'm sure there is some truth to it, but bottom line is they let it get to the point and stayed with the person because they are not strong willed. That's the fact. ANd until these women like that have the strength to nip abuse in the bud, and get out of it when it happens,its just going to continue.

There's ALMOST some truth in what you have written here, Dr Gregg, but you still have the ass end of the horse. YES, we should teach young people (and older people) how to recognize the early warning signs of a DV perp. But we do NOT BLAME A CRIME VICTIM FOR HIS FAILURE TO ANTICIPATE CRIMES.

So, to that end, these are the most common and virtually universal signals that someone you are dating may be a DV perp:

1. They seek to isolate you from those you normally socialize with and gain support from. By various means, they monopolize your time and undercut your relationships with your friends and family.

2. Your friends and family don't seem to like your new love interest, even if they don't tell you that directly.

3. Your new love interest ferrets out your deepest insecurities and makes cutting remarks that causes them to flare. Let's say you have recently lost a great deal of weight, but still struggle with a poor body image. A DV perp is likely to say things like "Oh, you're gonna eat that huh? I guess you'll need to get back all your fat clothes then?" These are NOT jokes...they are cruelties meant to undermine your self-esteem.

4. MOST IMPORTANTLY: A DV perp will almost always violate your boundaries in a non-violent way before actually striking you. If, for example, you do not welcome/permit pop-in visits at home, he or she will do one on you -- if you do not assertively state that behavior is unacceptable and your boundaries are non-negotiable, the perp evaluates you as someone he or she MAY be able to fully acquire as a DV victim.

Please read The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker...one post cannot subsitute for an entire book, and that book has already saved many lives.