Need advice: Nephew comes out gay to mom with emal utube. What a mess.

[Sunni Man]

According to your banner, your location is in Dar al Harb. Remind me what State is that in?

Look up "Dar al Harb" and "Dar al Islam" and get back with me. ..

 

[Beachboy]

According to your banner, your location is in Dar al Harb. Remind me what State is that in?

Look up "Dar al Harb" and "Dar al Islam" and get back with me. ..

Sorry, I don't follow third world thinking. And, I certainly do not want third world advice on first world problems. Again, thank you for you helpful postings.

When conservative Fox Television airs entertainment programming like this,
it should come as no surprise that young men are experimenting.
We are all going to have to get used to it without being judgmental.
I am sorry my sister can not place her son over her misinterpretation of the scriptures.
​

 

[Sunni Man]

According to your banner, your location is in Dar al Harb. Remind me what State is that in?

Look up "Dar al Harb" and "Dar al Islam" and get back with me. ..

Sorry, I don't follow third world thinking. And, I certainly do not want third world advice on first world problems. Again, thank you for you helpful postings.

Your OP is a fake story; .....that much is obvious.

You came here to spread you homo agenda under the guise of a non existent nephew.

Even Stevie Wonder could see thru your deception.

Why don't you go back to your LGBT forum and troll for another homo hook up fag boy.

 

[Beachboy]

Look up "Dar al Harb" and "Dar al Islam" and get back with me. ..

Sorry, I don't follow third world thinking. And, I certainly do not want third world advice on first world problems. Again, thank you for you helpful postings.

Your OP is a fake story; .....that much is obvious.

You came here to spread you homo agenda under the guise of a non existent nephew.

Even Stevie Wonder could see thru your deception.

Why don't you go back to your LGBT forum and troll for another homo hook up fag boy.

You can believe whatever you want. You have no credibility with me. There are many people who are "gay friendly" and I am now one of them. You helped me find that answer by being offensive.

From the way you have posted in this thread, you sound like what I have heard is called a "closet case." Me thinks you complain too much. It is pretty obvious what you want.

I am not going to waste my time in a pissing contest you. There is nothing to be gained by it.

I think we all suspect here what you really want.
You can't have it so you hate those who do.
Simple Psychology 101.
​

 

[Beachboy]

I am not going to waste my time in a pissing contest you. There is nothing to be gained by it.

Plus it would make your boyfriend jealous.

Anyone who knows me that I happen to be married, not that it matters. Point is this thread is over. I have learned with the help of most posters here how to handle my nephew. He will be welcomed into our home as family. His privacy will be respected, but his lifestyle will not be facilitated over the next two years until he graduates from college. He will now have to get a job, and he will have responsibilities around our home as long as he is here.

I will thank you for one thing though, you sound just like my narrow-minded sister. You have been showcased in this thread, and are probably the best argument I have seen for gay rights. You are a dinosaur, and I am not laughing. You are beyond deprogramming.

Found this commercial, makes as much sense as you do.

Sunni Man you are on "ignore."
​

​

 

[Beachboy]

Is it any wonder Sunni Man is on "ignore" after this link?

You have lost your credibility with me. You have not posted a single fact to support your anti-gay rhetoric. You can take partial credit for turning me into a gay rights believer. You comments about STD's are totally unsubstantiated hate preach. My God, you aren't even an American, you clearly have no idea what is going on in the Western culture. However, thank you for your postings. I could not have arrived at my conclusions without you.

Incorrect Poindexter.......

I am a 5th generation born American and a US Army veteran. ..


Here is the straight (OUTDATED) dope from PubMed.gov/NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information)


Comparative prevalence rates of sexually transmitted diseases in heterosexual and homosexual men.

This study compared prevalence rates of most common sexually transmitted diseases (STD) in heterosexual and homosexual men who made respectively 12,201 and 5324 visits to an STD clinic over 18 months.

Overall, homosexual men were significantly (p < 0.001) more likely than heterosexual men to have gonorrhea (30.31% vs. 19.83%), early syphilis (1.08% vs. 0.34%) and anal warts (2.90% vs. 0.26%) but less likely to have nongonococcal urethritis (NGU) (14.63% vs. 36.40%, p < 0.001), herpes genitalis (0.93% vs. 3.65%, p < 0.001), pediculosis pubis (4.30% vs. 5.35%, p < 0.005), scabies (0.42% vs. 0.76%, p < 0.02), and genital warts (1.68% vs. 6.69%, p < 0.001).

In most cases the differences in rates remained significant (p < 0.05) when corrected for age and race. It is speculated that higher rates of gonorrhea and syphilis result from a larger mean number of sexual contacts, more potential sites of infection, and more hidden and asymptomatic disease, while the lower rates of the other STD result from a lesser susceptibility of anal mucosa to the causative agent(s) of NGU, herpes genitalis, and venereal warts or from a lack of pubic apposition (pediculosis pubis).

Comparative prevalence rates of sexually tran... [Am J Epidemiol. 1980] - PubMed - NCBI

According to your banner, your location is in Dar al Harb. Remind me, again what State is that in?

Your link is 1980, clearly 33 years old. Wouldn't you call your information out-of-date? 1980 was the peak of the global Aids crisis. It was hardly a typical year to review.

I have politely indicated that I have considered your postings, and made up my mind to move in a direction different than you have chosen. Thank you for your contribution to this thread.

Outdated computer, outdated thinking!
​

 

[Sunni Man]

It doesn't matter if you put me on ignore.

Your fake story thread has been exposed and you have been outed.

Deal with it Princess......

 

[freedombecki]

I'm surprised you haven't been called a homophobe for not allowing your nephew to share a room in your home.

Seriously, good luck with all that.
Devout Christians make me hurl.

I'm sorry.

 

[freedombecki]

You know, damn it, I am angry with everyone. My wife has wanted plantation shutter blinds for a long time. Our dining room gets too hot in the late afternoon so it is an uncomfortable place to eat supper. We have wanted to replace the drapes for something better insulated for some time.

The plantation shutter blind man could make the blinds operate on motors with a timer that would open the blinds automatically in the morning, and close them before the late afternoon sun while we were at work. The house would be cooler when we got home. It is small thing, not important in the scheme of the current family problems, but now does not seem like a good time to spend $2,700 on motorized blinds when I could be picking up the cost of my nephews college education this fall. At least we can buy the blinds that could be converted to motorized later.

So, let's see what the price is I have paid today just today because my sisters twenty year old wants to suck some....... make love differently than most of us.

Sunday, only day off with my wife, ruined by argument. Check. Smoking and drinking alcohol after quitting years ago. Check. Blood pressure going up due to people who can not solve their own problems. Check. Solving family problems, that are not mine, on my day off. Check. Falling into the role of "head of the family" after my father because my brother has now weaseled out of it. Check. Selecting new blinds, an experience my wife had been looking forward to together, dampened. Check. A small, fun, motorized practical gimmick out of the picture because I can not afford it due to family members will not act like adults. Check. Not enjoying my internet experience at USMB because of other people and their problems. Check.

Martini's and Marlboros are

not part of the solution, here.​

I'm so sorry, Beachboy. You have a good heart to want to fix the problems, but your sister likely feels betrayed right now. She may get over it or not, but if she does, it will be in her own time. The nephew seems happy enough with his own friends, and his writing all your sisters friends wasn't about her, it was about him calling his own shots and feeling empowered by his new-found honesty. I don't think he did it to intentionally humiliate any one as much as to say that he is now a man, has made choices, and is willing to live with the consequences with the hopes he can be accepted by everyone as much as his school accepts him with their own belief system.

Best wishes in working things out.

 

[Gracie]

I am not going to waste my time in a pissing contest you. There is nothing to be gained by it.

Plus it would make your boyfriend jealous.

Anyone who knows me that I happen to be married, not that it matters. Point is this thread is over. I have learned with the help of most posters here how to handle my nephew. He will be welcomed into our home as family. His privacy will be respected, but his lifestyle will not be facilitated over the next two years until he graduates from college. He will now have to get a job, and he will have responsibilities around our home as long as he is here.

I will thank you for one thing though, you sound just like my narrow-minded sister. You have been showcased in this thread, and are probably the best argument I have seen for gay rights. You are a dinosaur, and I am not laughing. You are beyond deprogramming.

Found this commercial, makes as much sense as you do.

Sunni Man you are on "ignore."
​

​

And don't slack off either. Give him an inch and he will take a mile. Trust me....one of my ex roomies were a couple in their 20's. EARLY twenties..like...just turned. They did pretty good cleaning up after themsevles but then got slack..and I let them. Then I put the hammer down and they were all shocked but started doing their own dishes again. Then slacked off again. Hence, them not being here. I rented them a room....I am not their mother nor their housekeeper. They are to clean up after themselves after using the common areas and pay rent on time. They began to do none of the above because I was being "nice".
Do not make the same mistake.
Hope all goes well with you and the young man.

 

[Beachboy]

Aw Sunni Man, as you are on ignore, I no longer have to read your weak, hate-filled posts. Then you hit my rep. Sign of a desperate poster, who wants to hit me, but has nothing but third-world posting skills.. As you see this thread has gone on quite well without you. You are on the outside looking in. But, then I imagine you are used to that.

Got to tell you again though, anyone who strikes out at GLBTQ as hard as you do has a problem. Probably a closet problem. You see it is nothing that I have said that has turned this thread against you. It is your posts. Own them! And, a happy Jihad to you!

Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson, two gay friendly super stars!
Hysterical Gay Cowboy Song!
​

 

[Beachboy]

I'm surprised you haven't been called a homophobe for not allowing your nephew to share a room in your home.

Seriously, good luck with all that.
Devout Christians make me hurl.

I'm sorry.

Not a problem. If I had only learned one thing from this thread, it would be that I am a gay friendly person. As a gay friend at work pointed out.......

While I can't argue with that logic, my only negative against my nephew is that he used the utube in the OP against my sister instead of sitting down and talking with her.

At the very least that would have been the gentlemanly thing to do.
​

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Yes, that would have been the respectful thing to do, sit down and talk to his mother. But you said she is bipolar. Who knows what kind of dysfunctional relationship they've had. Not to be insulting, but if everything you say here is true, sounds like your nephew was saying this to his mother, and who knows, perhaps with good reason:

 

[Beachboy]

You know, damn it, I am angry with everyone. My wife has wanted plantation shutter blinds for a long time. Our dining room gets too hot in the late afternoon so it is an uncomfortable place to eat supper. We have wanted to replace the drapes for something better insulated for some time.

The plantation shutter blind man could make the blinds operate on motors with a timer that would open the blinds automatically in the morning, and close them before the late afternoon sun while we were at work. The house would be cooler when we got home. It is small thing, not important in the scheme of the current family problems, but now does not seem like a good time to spend $2,700 on motorized blinds when I could be picking up the cost of my nephews college education this fall. At least we can buy the blinds that could be converted to motorized later.

So, let's see what the price is I have paid today just today because my sisters twenty year old wants to suck some....... make love differently than most of us.

Sunday, only day off with my wife, ruined by argument. Check. Smoking and drinking alcohol after quitting years ago. Check. Blood pressure going up due to people who can not solve their own problems. Check. Solving family problems, that are not mine, on my day off. Check. Falling into the role of "head of the family" after my father because my brother has now weaseled out of it. Check. Selecting new blinds, an experience my wife had been looking forward to together, dampened. Check. A small, fun, motorized practical gimmick out of the picture because I can not afford it due to family members will not act like adults. Check. Not enjoying my internet experience at USMB because of other people and their problems. Check.

I'm so sorry, Beachboy. You have a good heart to want to fix the problems, but your sister likely feels betrayed right now. She may get over it or not, but if she does, it will be in her own time. The nephew seems happy enough with his own friends, and his writing all your sisters friends wasn't about her, it was about him calling his own shots and feeling empowered by his new-found honesty. I don't think he did it to intentionally humiliate any one as much as to say that he is now a man, has made choices, and is willing to live with the consequences with the hopes he can be accepted by everyone as much as his school accepts him with their own belief system.

Best wishes in working things out.

Thank you, and you know I feel pretty good. I have been mute on the GLBTQ issues. After all this discussion, I realize this is every bit as much a Civil Rights issue as Selma, Alabama, and the integration movement of the 1960s. I am only sorry it took me so long to realize it. Someone said that Civil Rights are won, by one person changing their mind at a time. I now realize that my nephew, and the folks in USMB have brought me up-to-date on an issue I should have understood long before this.

That my friends is an apology for being slow until the issue touched my family.

 

[Beachboy]

Plus it would make your boyfriend jealous.

Anyone who knows me that I happen to be married, not that it matters. Point is this thread is over. I have learned with the help of most posters here how to handle my nephew. He will be welcomed into our home as family. His privacy will be respected, but his lifestyle will not be facilitated over the next two years until he graduates from college. He will now have to get a job, and he will have responsibilities around our home as long as he is here.

I will thank you for one thing though, you sound just like my narrow-minded sister. You have been showcased in this thread, and are probably the best argument I have seen for gay rights. You are a dinosaur, and I am not laughing. You are beyond deprogramming.

Found this commercial, makes as much sense as you do.

Sunni Man you are on "ignore."
​

​

And don't slack off either. Give him an inch and he will take a mile. Trust me....one of my ex roomies were a couple in their 20's. EARLY twenties..like...just turned. They did pretty good cleaning up after themsevles but then got slack..and I let them. Then I put the hammer down and they were all shocked but started doing their own dishes again. Then slacked off again. Hence, them not being here. I rented them a room....I am not their mother nor their housekeeper. They are to clean up after themselves after using the common areas and pay rent on time. They began to do none of the above because I was being "nice".
Do not make the same mistake.
Hope all goes well with you and the young man.

I went through exactly the same thing when four of us rented a house in college. As I believe my nephew is reading this thread, I will not cut him any slack. My father made me cut the lawn, wash windows, and sand damaged paint off the house as a teen. After that was done, I mowed neighbors lawns and did landscape work for my spending money. I will not do this to be mean. I will do this so that my nephew knows their is a price to pay for every action. I will not be as generous as his parents were with him. Thank you for bringing this up again, Gracie.

Ever notice it always rains the day after you do windows?
​

 

[Beachboy]

Yes, that would have been the respectful thing to do, sit down and talk to his mother. But you said she is bipolar. Who knows what kind of dysfunctional relationship they've had. Not to be insulting, but if everything you say here is true, sounds like your nephew was saying this to his mother, and who knows, perhaps with good reason:

Excellent point. I had not considered that. I think we all know that terms like "bipolar" are thrown around a bit too freely these days. My sister is moody, in my opinion she can get a little too high on "Jesus."

I feel that in this thread I have been logical and investigative. I have tried to keep emotion out of it. I am not going to play psychologist here in front of my nephew about his mother. But, I do believe my nephew's willingness to take a psychiatric test, and my sister's refusal to do so says a lot. My nephew is going to come to town within the next couple weeks. I do not want him upset as he goes into his summer school final exams. However, I get the impression that I am more upset about this than he is.

A gay man I work with has been with his partner for 28 years. He is a Vice-President, and is openly GLBTQ. He and his partner will be inviting my nephew to their home. I think it is important that my nephew have the opportunity to see how a successful gay marriage can work, and to better understand the difficulties of the lifestyle he may be living in for the next 50 years. Let's face it my ability to help my nephew is limited by the fact that I am not gay. I have not lived the experience.

As a business person, I am very detail oriented, I believe I should apply the same talents I use in business to this family situation. I am pretty much giving up on my nephew and my sister working things out. I know for a fact there are other familys that have embraced gay family members, and more and more each day I become convinced it is the correct thing for me to do.

Still looks like a gay friendly Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving to me!​

 

[Beachboy]

The lesson learned today, is when a poster is out of line, simply cut and paste the rules he has violated, and he will run for the hills. Very effective, and does not waste the time of the Mods.

• No Attacks on family members.
  
  
• You may not disclose any personal information about other members. Name, E-Mail, phone number, address, occupation, pictures, etc. that has NOT first been posted here at USMB by the member themselves (Include Link), this includes links to sites that contain said personal information.
  
  
• Not All Rules and Regulations are written. Not every circumstance can be foreseen. Moderator Discretion does apply. When in doubt, PM an Administrator or Moderator.

USMB rules work, a point worth remembering when you run into an flaming poster.

 

[Beachboy]

I have not responded to this thread so far mostly because you have received decent advice (and some horrid advice) so far.

My advice, which I don't think has been mentioned up until now, and based on my experience as a parent (yes, of adults) and the family member of several people are homosexual is:

#1 - Your nephew needs to work out his relationship with his mother. I recommend you stay out of it. I know you care for them both and I suggest you simply keep reminding them of that, then step back.

#2 - Attend parent-of-gays or family-member-of-gays meetings with your nephew. There are definitely support groups for him in your state and, if he isn't already connected, you can probably do the best for him by helping him make those connections. They will have the best advice for you - and him - on how to deal with the mother ...

... because sometimes the best strategy is simply to wait.

Thank you for the worthwhile advice. Sadly, I believe that the train for working things out between mother and son has left the station. And, the onus is on my sister. Frankly, I am done reaching out. She made her decision based upon her Bible, and now she has lost her son. My wife and I have gained a son, and did it without having to wake up in the middle of the night to give him a bottle!

I have scrutinized the PFlag materials available on the web, and I agree with you completely that a session with my nephew, wife, and PFlag would be a wise move before we lock our living arrangement in concrete.

I will admit there are a lot of things about GLBTQ life that I do not understand, and it would be best to have an arrangement before any potential problems surface. There have been jokes around my office about how when it comes to sex, gays have it made. Apparently, sex is easy to obtain. What I do not understand is how speeding things up that way effects the dating process. I mean when we straights are shopping for a partner, we rarely just hook up with someone. We are looking for certain traits of personality, character, common interests, and then sex. With gays it seems to be just the opposite, sex first, then personality, character, and common interests.

I had an uncle who was a late bloomer. When he reached his mid 30s he decided it was time to marry. He was an outdoors-man, and joined a singles organization that went out camping on weekends. He met my aunt, got married, had two kids, and they have been together35 years!

I want to know if my nephew understands the differences between gay and straight dating. Or, am I the one who does not understand, and have it wrong.

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2
​

 

[Katzndogz]

Beachboy, you have some serious issues with your sister that you have never worked out. You were never in a contest as to who your nephew loved best, you or his mother. You just wanted it to be that kind of contest. Maybe you have decided you don't like your sister because she's too religious and you don't like that. Your nephew is reflecting the way you feel about your sister and that has made you allies against her.

I don't know you, your sister or your nephew although I have met many similar types across the years. Your nephew sounds like any rebellious young man, if that is true, a change of living arrangements won't make him any less rebellious he will just be rebellious against you.

 

[Katzndogz]

Gays don't have the same concept of relationships as normal people or even lesbians. Gay men are highly promiscuous not because they are gay, but because they are men. Men have a natural inclination to promiscuity that is tempered or stopped by the demands of women. In a relationship of two men, they will both not only be promiscuous but accepting of one another's promiscuity. Love doesn't mean fidelity. It means I will always come back to you.

According to Lesbiatopia, lesbians enter into committed relationships at warp speed which is why the joke goes "What doe a lesbian bring to a second date? Answer: A U-Haul. But, not because they are lesbians, but because they are women and women desire a committed relationship on both sides.

Only normal heterosexuals have a courtship dance where they take time to evaluate one another.