jokes to offend everyone....

Discussion in 'Humor' started by manu1959, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    no link...got them in an e-mail...

    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    The position of the dirt bag

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Doughnuts

    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    10 years and 45 lbs

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
    They named him Sum Ting Wong
    (cause 2 Wongs don't make a white)

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

    How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F-word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....
     
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  2. Luissa
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    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

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    Here is some other ones that crimson will like!

    What does a girl from Alamba say after having sex?
    Get off me dad you are crushing my smokes!

    What do you call a Montanan with a truck full of sheep?
    a pimp

    How do you know a girl from Alamba is still a virgin?
    She can still out run her dad and brother.

    Now this one might get me banned!

    What is the best thing about taking a shower with a twelve year old girl?
    slick back her hair and she looks like a ten year old boy.

    How do you drowned a blonde?
    put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the bath tub
     
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  3. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    did yall hear that michael jackson died?


    he choked on a 12 yr old weiner


    why do tennessee couples do it doggie style?

    so they can both watch the races (nascar)

    why wont a tennesse boy marry a virgin?

    if her own family wont have her..neither will he
     
  4. Luissa
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    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

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    why do crack heads always do it doggie style?
    so they can both look out the window!
     
  5. CrimsonWhite
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    CrimsonWhite *****istrator Emeritus Supporting Member

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    I'm gonna remember that one.
     
  6. Luissa
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    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

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    does it hit home?:tongue:
     
  7. CrimsonWhite
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    CrimsonWhite *****istrator Emeritus Supporting Member

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    Oh yeah, I'm laughing all the way to the bank.
     
  8. Huggyface
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    Huggyface Rookie

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    Some of the best jokes are offensive.
     
  9. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    How about this one: It was so cold here last week, I say a lawyer with his hand in his own pocket.

    Lawyer fell into the ocean, and the sharks left him alone: professional courtesy.

    Why are lawyers buried 24 feet down? Because deep down they’re really good people.
     
  10. Skull Pilot
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    Skull Pilot Platinum Member

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    That one's a bit much.
     

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