Funny. You don't like being called a monster either? I figured you critiquing me meant you liked it.
That's funny. That I'm not creating a leader. That's not what my child's teachers would tell you. Nor is it what his friends or daycare would tell you. In fact, they would ALL tell you that my son is a leader.
And I'm familiar with the studies. I'm familiar with the positions. Look, I get it. You don't believe it is possible to force a child to do things and encourage him to explore. Funny, is that what they tought you in the military? I doubt that. I doubt that very seriously. I force him to do the things he doesn't like doing and allow him to do the things he does like. I give him leadership opportunities all of the time but he is a child. He is supposed to follow, or did you forget that sometimes following leads to leadership?
Great men are not born, they are not educated and they are not "raised". They are forged. My son is just that. He has come home, hands up in the air throwing up papers in frustration when it was time to memorize a speech for class. He has told me "I can't do this". We've stayed up till 11:00 (he normally goes to bed by 8:00, unless he has practice) memorizing speeches and doing things like learning a new move in soccer. "I can't, or I don't want to" are forbidden in my house. Failure is only a learning opportunity. You won't find my method in a text book or in a study because I'm sure. My evidence? Why don't you look at the Chinese or Koreans? Notice how they are kicking our ass in scholatics? Notice how they are creating leaders? My view on parenting is not that of a wesern philosophy. At least not any more. I've told my son that his decisions are stupid. I've told him he needed to be embarassed, that he has disgraced himself. I believe that my son is strong enough to handle them. I do not believe that I am raising a flower or some delicate being that is not capable of dealing with failure. The consequences of failure in my house are substantial. The results of success are equally extreme. He has confidence that doesn't come from me, it doesn't come from his teachers or his friends. At 8 years old, he has confidence because he has succeeded. He has failed at endeavors. He has succeeded when he did not believe he could. "Trying your hardest" is not rewarded because the real world does not reward effort, it rewrds results. The bar is high in my house. A "B" is not cause for celebration in my house, it is cause for more studying.
Of course I'm a monster. Of course I am. My son will succeed where others fail. Encourage creativity, celebrate success and reward failure with another opportunity to succeed. We've forgotten that because we have changed the definition of success. We no longer view success as the end result, we view success as the ammount of effort. I reject that notion and I reject your ideology. You are free to reject mine. Maybe I am failing my son. I suppose that is a possibility. I doubt it though.
Mike
HEY, HEY HEY!.....Stop being the parent. That's the governments and schools job!
How dare you hold your child responsible and accountable,
DAMMIT!
I know. Its terrible. Try telling my son he can't do something. He will only work harder to prove you wrong. Tell him he is stupid. Its funny. He works harder to prove you wrong. Tell him he's smart. He'll tell you you don't need to tell him that. He's
eight and he will outwork you. That's the philosophy. He understands at
eight that he is brilliant. He also understands that the world is full of brilliant people who do average things (I consider myself among them tbh... I'm working on changing my situation, I've learned that from
him) and he doesn't want to be that person. I expose him to my weaknesses intentionally. I show him where my mistakes are and what my shortcomings are. He's working at the same time I am. He does his homework right next to me as I do mine. Funny thing. This child ,who is clearly not a leader, sat down at the dinner table with me a year ago and asked me "daddy, you're smart, you tell me to work hard in school... why don't
you. " I was stunned. I tried to explain that I'm an autodidact and his response (at
seven) was "Daddy, I know you're smart, but you need to stop making excuses." This is my
child. He gets it. My explanations of why I haven't done things are just that. I'm not judged according to what I think I am capable of but what I have accomplished. Clearly I am beating him down right? I'm making a follower. I'm not creating a leader in any way.
Its funny that way. He is respectful, kind, caring, resourseful, determined, creative and self critical. Oh, and he's 8. His future is much brighter than mine, I'm sure of it. And that should be every parents goal.
Mike