Oh No: I should not laugh at someone else's pain...

[emilynghiem]

I was reading letters online about people advising each other NOT to have affairs with coworkers that meant sacrificing their marriages,
when I ran across this letter:

I Am A Married Man Of 34 With 3 Children And I Am In Love With A Man Of 66 Years Old | Relationship Talk

Basically a married man asking advice after he's fallen in love with an older man but "isn't gay."

I'm sorry, but the responses just made me LAUGH despite my sympathy with what this man is going through.

This reminds me of a writer friend who told me all humor is "making fun of somebody's pain, shame, or fear."
The stress of human conflict, twisted around on itself, is what makes us laugh. I know I shouldn't,
but this guy saying he's not gay while he can't stop thinking of this older man. And half the people understanding and saying his feelings mean something else. But the other people telling him it means he's gay, period.

ha ha, I'm sorry but this is funny how the two sets of people react completely differently. And must be confusing the poor man even more, that half the jury is saying he's gay and half is saying it's not that. Poor guy!

RELATIONSHIP TALK

I Am A Married Man Of 34 With 3 Children And I Am In Love With A Man Of 66 Years Old
Ask a Question
6 years ago #1
Deeply in Love
Guest

I am a married man of 34 with 3 children and a few months ago I fell in love with a man of 66. He is a very closed person to us, relly caring one, sensitive and protective. He is married. I am not gay, it just happened to me and feel very strange about it, but cannot stop thinking of him.

Please, please advise

 

[aaronleland]

There's nothing gay about wanting a 66 year old man to sit on your face, as a ball gag stretches your gums, and he punches you in the testicles.

Did I over think this subject?

 

[Bonzi]

I was reading letters online about people advising each other NOT to have affairs with coworkers that meant sacrificing their marriages,
when I ran across this letter:

I Am A Married Man Of 34 With 3 Children And I Am In Love With A Man Of 66 Years Old | Relationship Talk

Basically a married man asking advice after he's fallen in love with an older man but "isn't gay."

I'm sorry, but the responses just made me LAUGH despite my sympathy with what this man is going through.

This reminds me of a writer friend who told me all humor is "making fun of somebody's pain, shame, or fear."
The stress of human conflict, twisted around on itself, is what makes us laugh. I know I shouldn't,
but this guy saying he's not gay while he can't stop thinking of this older man. And half the people understanding and saying his feelings mean something else. But the other people telling him it means he's gay, period.

ha ha, I'm sorry but this is funny how the two sets of people react completely differently. And must be confusing the poor man even more, that half the jury is saying he's gay and half is saying it's not that. Poor guy!

RELATIONSHIP TALK

I Am A Married Man Of 34 With 3 Children And I Am In Love With A Man Of 66 Years Old
Ask a Question
6 years ago #1
Deeply in Love
Guest

I am a married man of 34 with 3 children and a few months ago I fell in love with a man of 66. He is a very closed person to us, relly caring one, sensitive and protective. He is married. I am not gay, it just happened to me and feel very strange about it, but cannot stop thinking of him.

Please, please advise

I think it's hilarious. No apologies.

I've been in so many situations of unrequited love or unobtainable love that I feel I have a right to laugh

 

[waltky]

It's also not polite to laugh or make fun of...

... someone with a cleft palate (or any other disability)...

... especially since they were born that way...

... and can't help how they sound when they talk.

(Granny says somebody catch dat cat...

... an' throw him out the backdoor.)

 

[Bonzi]

It's also not polite to laugh or make fun of...

... someone with a cleft palate (or any other disability)...

... especially since they were born that way...

... and can't help how they sound when they talk.

Is that the case in this story? I did not read her link......
I was only talking about the love stuff...

 

[Alex.]

questioning where he is, sounds unhappy and trapped. gay issue is not an issue, he is looking for an escape, the older man is symbolic rather than a solution. lousy place to be on one hand but he has not given up so that is a good thing.

 

[Judicial review]

emilynghiem everybody likes to experiment. Sometimes I take it in the butt too.

Nothing gay about that.

 

[ZackB]

emilynghiem everybody likes to experiment. Sometimes I take it in the butt too.

Nothing gay about that.

Yeah, just because you suck a dick every now and then does not make you "gay".

 

[Mad Scientist]

As long as the balls don't touch.

 

[emilynghiem]

It's also not polite to laugh or make fun of...

... someone with a cleft palate (or any other disability)...

... especially since they were born that way...

... and can't help how they sound when they talk.

Is that the case in this story? I did not read her link......
I was only talking about the love stuff...

Thanks waltky and Bonzi
Reminds me of a sociology prof who explained the difference in humor
when (a) we make fun of a CHOSEN affiliation such as political group that someone CAN help and (b) we make fun of a BORN condition that someone cannot help, such as gender, race, disability etc. He was basically saying that what was generally frowned on socially was making fun of things people cannot help; but things people choose was fair game!

Some areas that are debatable to me are
if someone's religious or political affiliation is NOT a free choice, but something that is part of their nature they are born with. So out of respect for what their divine calling is, I would consider that similar to something people cannot help. I find that people cannot help their beliefs, so making fun of this can become very meanspirited and cruel.
And of course the big issue now is whether transgender identity or homosexual orientation is a choice or in born. if that is something people cannot help, it can drive them to feel suicidal if they are bullied and blamed beyond what they can control or change.

I also add the distinction in humor with
(c) whether we make fun of a group we are part of so we are making fun of ourselves from our own experience. I find that even makes it fair game to make fun of the (b) type affiliations that are not the person's choice -- this changes if it's someone from THAT group making fun of themselves!

I always thought some of the funniest comedians on the open mic stage was the ethnic humor told by people making fun of their own families and stories. The jokes I remember to this day were that type, because they were so striking and painfully funny: the Latino comedian painting a picture of his family as 42 people crammed in one truck, dice dangling in front with the name in Roman letters across the window, mattresses falling off the back, and kids running behind the truck selling Chiclets. And the Black comedian who said it was obvious that Jesus was Black because he was born to a single Mom with an absentee dad. (and the one who said he constantly got calls from his mom asking him when he was going to move from his apt after they kept finding dead bodies in the dumpster; but he said hell no he's staying because the rent keeps going down.) Nobody else can get away with telling jokes like that, except somebody who's been there, done that, and it makes it funnier.

If a Black person makes fun of Black stereotypes, or someone like Stevie Wonder makes fun of blind people, that's different than someone from the outside making fun of that group.

The reason I mention Stevie Wonder specifically, is when Eddie Murphy made fun of him with an imitation on SNL, and people protested, Stevie Wonder spoke out in his defense, saying it broke through the social taboos and stigmas by making fun of being blind. He actually joined Eddie Murphy on SNL in a skit making fun of himself. I thought that was a very brave statement, that being able to make fun of blind people took it out of the zone of not being able to talk about it, and into the mainstream with all the other things people make fun of and talk about openly. I thought that was cool, really respect him for that.

 

[Bonzi]

It's also not polite to laugh or make fun of...

... someone with a cleft palate (or any other disability)...

... especially since they were born that way...

... and can't help how they sound when they talk.

Is that the case in this story? I did not read her link......
I was only talking about the love stuff...

Thanks waltky and Bonzi
Reminds me of a sociology prof who explained the difference in humor
when (a) we make fun of a CHOSEN affiliation such as political group that someone CAN help and (b) we make fun of a BORN condition that someone cannot help, such as gender, race, disability etc. He was basically saying that what was generally frowned on socially was making fun of things people cannot help; but things people choose was fair game!

Some areas that are debatable to me are
if someone's religious or political affiliation is NOT a free choice, but something that is part of their nature they are born with. So out of respect for what their divine calling is, I would consider that similar to something people cannot help. I find that people cannot help their beliefs, so making fun of this can become very meanspirited and cruel.
And of course the big issue now is whether transgender identity or homosexual orientation is a choice or in born. if that is something people cannot help, it can drive them to feel suicidal if they are bullied and blamed beyond what they can control or change.

I also add the distinction in humor with
(c) whether we make fun of a group we are part of so we are making fun of ourselves from our own experience. I find that even makes it fair game to make fun of the (b) type affiliations that are not the person's choice -- this changes if it's someone from THAT group making fun of themselves!

I always thought some of the funniest comedians on the open mic stage was the ethnic humor told by people making fun of their own families and stories. The jokes I remember to this day were that type, because they were so striking and painfully funny: the Latino comedian painting a picture of his family as 42 people crammed in one truck, dice dangling in front with the name in Roman letters across the window, mattresses falling off the back, and kids running behind the truck selling Chiclets. And the Black comedian who said it was obvious that Jesus was Black because he was born to a single Mom with an absentee dad. (and the one who said he constantly got calls from his mom asking him when he was going to move from his apt after they kept finding dead bodies in the dumpster; but he said hell no he's staying because the rent keeps going down.) Nobody else can get away with telling jokes like that, except somebody who's been there, done that, and it makes it funnier.

If a Black person makes fun of Black stereotypes, or someone like Stevie Wonder makes fun of blind people, that's different than someone from the outside making fun of that group.

The reason I mention Stevie Wonder specifically, is when Eddie Murphy made fun of him with an imitation on SNL, and people protested, Stevie Wonder spoke out in his defense, saying it broke through the social taboos and stigmas by making fun of being blind. He actually joined Eddie Murphy on SNL in a skit making fun of himself. I thought that was a very brave statement, that being able to make fun of blind people took it out of the zone of not being able to talk about it, and into the mainstream with all the other things people make fun of and talk about openly. I thought that was cool, really respect him for that.

We often laugh at things that are foreign to us... so foreign it seems comical (thus, the laughter)

I used to watch a show, Queer As Folk, and my husband thought it was disgusting. I thought it was funny. I am don't mean to feel that being gay is funny, it's just so foreign to my thought process on attractions that, it seems comical to me (especially men with men for some reason).... not so much anymore, I guess because it's more in the main stream so it's not that foreign of a concept for me anymore....

 

[GiveMeATicketToWork]

I was reading letters online about people advising each other NOT to have affairs with coworkers that meant sacrificing their marriages,
when I ran across this letter:

I Am A Married Man Of 34 With 3 Children And I Am In Love With A Man Of 66 Years Old | Relationship Talk

Basically a married man asking advice after he's fallen in love with an older man but "isn't gay."

I'm sorry, but the responses just made me LAUGH despite my sympathy with what this man is going through.

This reminds me of a writer friend who told me all humor is "making fun of somebody's pain, shame, or fear."
The stress of human conflict, twisted around on itself, is what makes us laugh. I know I shouldn't,
but this guy saying he's not gay while he can't stop thinking of this older man. And half the people understanding and saying his feelings mean something else. But the other people telling him it means he's gay, period.

ha ha, I'm sorry but this is funny how the two sets of people react completely differently. And must be confusing the poor man even more, that half the jury is saying he's gay and half is saying it's not that. Poor guy!

RELATIONSHIP TALK

I Am A Married Man Of 34 With 3 Children And I Am In Love With A Man Of 66 Years Old
Ask a Question
6 years ago #1
Deeply in Love
Guest

I am a married man of 34 with 3 children and a few months ago I fell in love with a man of 66. He is a very closed person to us, relly caring one, sensitive and protective. He is married. I am not gay, it just happened to me and feel very strange about it, but cannot stop thinking of him.

Please, please advise

Hi,

Me, I believe in not eating the knowledge of good and evil. If I wanted to laugh I would laugh.