make your own "the most interesting man in the world" bits

[shart_attack]

He once won an ass-kicking contest — on two wooden legs.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never overcooked a steak.

 

[shart_attack]

He once outswam a school of piranha.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

He kept his old health insurance plan

 

[shart_attack]

He has seen "the shoe on the other foot" — though it was only on the first foot.

 

[shart_attack]

Fellow USMB posters rep him just because he logs in.

 

[shart_attack]

Big-league porn stars and call girls pay him to sleep with THEM.

 

[shart_attack]

His shirts never need to be ironed.

 

[shart_attack]

His cats clean their own litter boxes.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never mistaken "this" for "that".

 

[shart_attack]

When you try to pee on his fire, you spontaneously combust.

 

[shart_attack]

He has an internationally-recognized permit allowing him to step on your blue suede shoes.

 

[shart_attack]

He can make an omelet without breaking any eggs.

 

[shart_attack]

Intense heat only makes him more sane.

 

[shart_attack]

(Not sure: I think this one's been done before, but ...)

Bulls in Pamplona run from HIM.

 

[shart_attack]

He was actually the one who killed Rasputin.

 

[shart_attack]

"It takes a village to raise a child" — but only him to spank it.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never sneezed.

 

[shart_attack]

He once bought a pair of shoes three sizes too small — and they fit him perfectly.

 

[shart_attack]

He once fixed a flat tire — just by looking at it.