I am old and have been married forever. Throughout the generations of my life I have been disturbed about the general ignorance (sorry to use that term) that people have about love and marriage, and how they go together (and it's not "like a horse and carriage"). In large part the reason why people don't get it is because the culture promotes a false view, possibly because it makes for better story lines, and possibly because those who write the scripts don't get it either. (Witness how successful Show Biz marriages are).
Regardless, here's the deal: "Love" means two different things. One is an emotional attachment, and the other is an act of volition - a commitment. You cannot get them confused.
When you say, "I love you," you are saying, in effect, that "I feel an emotional attachment to you that is as overwhelming as I am capable of feeling, right now." That's it. It is a wonderful feeling. And it is a transitory feeling. The fact that you feel that way TODAY is no guarantee that you will feel that way tomorrow, or next week, let alone for a lifetime. I personally cannot even imagine having that feeling for a lifetime. Emotions don't work that way, at least for me. I can't even stay angry for more than a couple days.
When you get married, you say, in effect, "I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU until we are separated by death." This is an act of volition, not a statement of emotion. Nowhere in the traditional marriage ceremony does either person say, "I love you." And there is a reason for that. As we all have observed from time to time (and possibly felt ourselves), the EMOTIONAL LOVE that accompanied getting engaged is just a memory by the time you get married many months later. (In the Cajuna Virus days, it can be YEARS later).
When you PROMISE to love that person, you are promising to treat them in a certain way (in a "loving" way, if you will), regardless of how you feel at any given time, because that commitment is a necessary ingredient to a successful marriage. And when you treat each other in a loving way, pretty much all the time, the emotional love will return from time to time as long as you are married. That's how it works. That is a successful marriage.
That's why, in cultures where they have arranged marriages, those marriages tend to last a lifetime. Because the "lovers" who enter into those marriages understand how it works. THEY believe that by making the commitment and treating each other lovingly, you nurture the emotional attachment, which then follows.
If you get engaged because you believe that the emotional attachment that you feel at the time will remain, and remain as strong, for a lifetime, then you are child who has no business getting engaged, let alone bringing more children into the world.
At least that's what I think.
Disagree?
Regardless, here's the deal: "Love" means two different things. One is an emotional attachment, and the other is an act of volition - a commitment. You cannot get them confused.
When you say, "I love you," you are saying, in effect, that "I feel an emotional attachment to you that is as overwhelming as I am capable of feeling, right now." That's it. It is a wonderful feeling. And it is a transitory feeling. The fact that you feel that way TODAY is no guarantee that you will feel that way tomorrow, or next week, let alone for a lifetime. I personally cannot even imagine having that feeling for a lifetime. Emotions don't work that way, at least for me. I can't even stay angry for more than a couple days.
When you get married, you say, in effect, "I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU until we are separated by death." This is an act of volition, not a statement of emotion. Nowhere in the traditional marriage ceremony does either person say, "I love you." And there is a reason for that. As we all have observed from time to time (and possibly felt ourselves), the EMOTIONAL LOVE that accompanied getting engaged is just a memory by the time you get married many months later. (In the Cajuna Virus days, it can be YEARS later).
When you PROMISE to love that person, you are promising to treat them in a certain way (in a "loving" way, if you will), regardless of how you feel at any given time, because that commitment is a necessary ingredient to a successful marriage. And when you treat each other in a loving way, pretty much all the time, the emotional love will return from time to time as long as you are married. That's how it works. That is a successful marriage.
That's why, in cultures where they have arranged marriages, those marriages tend to last a lifetime. Because the "lovers" who enter into those marriages understand how it works. THEY believe that by making the commitment and treating each other lovingly, you nurture the emotional attachment, which then follows.
If you get engaged because you believe that the emotional attachment that you feel at the time will remain, and remain as strong, for a lifetime, then you are child who has no business getting engaged, let alone bringing more children into the world.
At least that's what I think.
Disagree?
