I agree that
its quite real and powerful. Rome has used "
the power of death" consequent to defying Divine Law to subjugate "the nations" for millennia. You even describe the experience perfectly every time you set aside the law to worship a matzo
made by human hands, "The soul bursting at the seams" which must be very exhilarating, dying "the death" of reason, a curse.
So I do agree that you are having a profound religious experience at mass..
Its just not a very good one. Dying every single time you openly and brazenly defy the law of God, by worshipping a trinity, and openly and brazenly desecrating the teachings of Jesus,
WORDS FROM GOD, by turning to a lifeless matzo that you bow down to on your knees to worship and eat for spiritual life
Like I said, nuts. I prefer to go though life with my soul intact. Now that's real and very powerful.
You failing to see the absurdity of the hell loop that you are caught up in or the evil that you are openly and brazenly perpetuating is also
quite real and powerful evidence of divine condemnation
In your defiled and contaminated state of mind you can't admit or grasp it, but many others can.