I don't need proof because I know what to look for, and evidence for that is everywhere I look.
What I find weird is your apparent inability to decipher the very difficult analogies and metaphors invented by bronze age nomads to teach their children the hard learned lessons of their past.. Talking serpents and donkeys, the living and the dead, angels and demons, heaven and earth, etc.,.
That's what will be very embarrassing to you if ever you acquire the intelligence of a bronze age child.
To me your current state of mind is proof that the laws of God remain in effect and are in full force.
Your confusion is not my fantasy.
At this point about all there is that anyone can do for you if you won't do anything to better yourself is to watch you slowly degenerate into nothingness.
At the very least, your disturbing condition will bring more people to a belief in God than a legion of rabid fundamentalist nut jobs jumping for Jesus.
Thanks..