Hard "To be a Liberal" - Roy Zimmerman classic (posted by permission)

[emilynghiem]

Just finished hearing Roy Zimmerman live in Houston.
Posting this for my Democrat liberal friends on here who feel under appreciated for all they suffer.
After all it's hard "To be a Liberal"

Roy Zimmerman s To Be a Liberal Rodibidably

On my way in here tonight
I bruised my nose hugging a tree.
I was late ‘cause I had to stop by on my way in San Quentin
to set a criminal free.
And I ran out on seven-grain bee-pollen macrobiotic organic sustainable medical marijuana
for my jerky knee.

Do you know how hard it is
to be a liberal?
Well, do ya?

I had to learn to speak French, Spanish, Hindi, and dolphin
just so I could relate.
I’m exhausted from taxing and spending,
and controlling the media, and hiding my agenda,
and ruling San Francisco as a separatist nation-state.
And in yoga today, I got bent out of shape
‘cause the guy doing bow-pulling pulls in front of me was intolerant
which I hate!

Do you know how hard it is
to be a liberal?
Well, do ya?

Constantly feeding the hungry
and bleeding my heart
and exceeding my budget
and needing approval
and reading The Nation
and leading a sing-along — EVERYBODY!
(No wait, that was just an impulse. Sorry.)

I was shootin’ hoops with some brothas
when I sprained my ba-donka-donk
and ya know that ain’t chill.
I saved an endangered snail-darter
from being eaten by an endangered spotted owl
which I saved from being eaten by an endangered snow-leopard
which I saved from being shot by a poacher
who I had to kill — (with kindness. It took a while.)

And I hit a speed bump and I spilled my chi-latte all over the hemp-covered seats of my Prius and the speed-bump turned out to be a homeless Native American so I apologized and gave him some land, I stomped out his cigarette and took away his gun and shot myself in the nuts on my way to my frivolous lawsuit for sexual harassment where I was suing myself ‘cause I masturbated — against my will!

Do you know how hard it is
to be me?
Do you know how hard it is
just to be a knee-jerk liberal?
What I wouldn’t give
to be a circle-jerk conservative!

(c) Roy Zimmerman, lyrics posted with permission from the author/performer.
To encourage other liberal satire and songsters not to give up the fight. Impenitent
Roy Zimmerman - Funny Songs About Ignorance War and Greed

 

[Impenitent]

If Democrats are supposed to be the new Communists, you couldn't prove it by me. I'm not feeling the comradery

 

[Impenitent]

Hey Democratic Underground, I am lost but want to be found.
My writings are Mercurial, can't you use an extra terrestrial ?

 

[Vigilante]

 

[emilynghiem]

Yes, Impenitent, we need more like you! Stick around.
At least long enough to play a game of "one for one"

Here's one from the days before election cycles were 24/7.
Inspired from watching a Fox News debate between a bunch of hopefuls not saying anything I can even remember.

http www.houstonprogressive.org/moderate

"I'm a Moderate"
To the tune of "I Believe in You" by Don Williams

I don't need bigger government
To lie about the money spent
I don't need twenty candidates
Complaining where the budget went

I'd rather use their campaign funds
Invest in schools and business loans
Creating jobs for everyone
And quit debating on and on

Cuz I'm a Moderate
I believe in one truth
That's not to the Left or Right
But in between the two

And though I'm no Republican
I'd vote for Bush and Lieberman
If they would send Saddam Hussein
Hiking on a desert plane
With eco-friendly terrorists
Where they could safely co-exist
On hydroponic gardening
But heck, I don't know innything

I'm just a Moderate
I believe in people
Who don't think in black or white
But red, white, and blue

[bridge]
I wouldn't build democracy
On rule by the majority
Breaking nations in two
When greedy party policy
Is turning state security
Into a zoo-oo-oo
We lose the right to choose

I wish that Colmes and Hannity
Would stick to points where they agree
That both are right, nobody's wrong
And every side can get along
How can we save the Middle East
If we ourselves are not at peace
Defending freedom overseas
Depends on national unity

Cuz I'm a Moderate
I believe in marriage
Between the Left and Right
Can we call a truce

I'm a Moderate
I believe in justice
I believe in church and state
And I watch Fox News . . .

 

[Impenitent]

I have 100's of song parodies and other short satires.

'Moderate' appears in none of them.

 

[emilynghiem]

I have 100's of song parodies and other short satires.

'Moderate' appears in none of them.

The theme is making fun of your own political views.
I'm a liberal. I'm a moderate. I'm a rightwing Tea Pot.
Do you have one where Mitt is making fun of himself as King?
And then I can post mine on Obama as being all that.

 

[Impenitent]

Of course!

All the extremes are well covered!

 

[Impenitent]

Romney's favorite Things

Corporate welfare and outsourcing labor
Insider trading and slipping Senators favor
Large unmarked bills tied up in strings
These are a few of my favorite things

French waiters bringing a sorbet and soufflé
Room service in Paris and a squirt from a bidet
Swiss bankers who treat us like kings
These are a few of my favorite things

Privatized profits and socialized losses
Layoffs for workers and bonuses for bosses
The release from liability that bankruptcy brings
Theses are a few of my favorite things

When a reporter questions
When they replay old videos
When poor people vote
I simply remember my favorite things
Then fight the urge to gloat

Repeat

 

[emilynghiem]

Obama Gangsta Style - Lyrics for Video Contest

Obama Gangsta Style (after "Gangnam Style")

Under the Constitution I don't need to follow
There's something called the Bill of Rights that I just rendered hollow
I'll make you pay for health-care, till we all end up on welfare
I have no - clue - and I don't care
I'm a Socialist
Instead of teaching equal independent business sense
I'll take our greatest wealth and waste it till we're penniless
While I retire at your expense, cuz that's what justice is
To this Socialist

Fourteenth Amend-ment
Equal Protec-tions
Aren't for rich folks NO
(Don't need their votes) NO

The NRA and
Second Amend-ment
Can kiss my throne
Cuz I've got drones
Chicago ethics are the only way to go go oh hell no

Obama Gangsta Style
Gangsta Style
O O O God No Obama Gangsta Style
Gangsta Style
No No Just Say No
No more Gangsta Style

[left/right sides:] Hey, A-C-A ROCKS/[SOCKS]!
O O O O bama Gangsta Style
[right/left sides:] Hey, N-R-A ROCKS/[SOCKS]!
No No Hell No (A-C-A Go A-way)

Judges and Courts, should be equally defending
The freedom of ALL people that our States are representing
Consensus takes too long when half the Nation is dissenting
So my own - laws - I'm inventing!
I'm the President
I'll issue orders without voting if you don't consent
Silly checks and balances on power are a detriment
Why keep a contract with the people and the government
I can circumvent?

The Sixth and Seventh
And Tenth Amend-ment
Aren't etched in stone
When I've got drones!

Fourteenth Amend-ment
Equal Protec-tions
Aren't for you folks
Your law's a joke
And-I-will laugh from my Hawaii Retirement Ho ho ho ho home

Obama Gangsta Style
Gangsta Style
O O O hell No Obama Gangsta Style
Gangsta Style
No No Just say No
No more Gangsta Style

[right/left sides:] Hey, N-R-A ROCKS/[SOCKS]!
O O O O bama Gangsta Style
[left/right sides:] Hey, A-C-A ROCKS/[SOCKS]!
No No Hell No (N-R-A Go A-way)

Look inside, the Texas Bill of Rights:
People have authority that's where the law resides
Exercise, your First Amendment rights
Not to follow some regime you don't believe is right

You can save the Nation:

No more Gangsta Style!

 

[Impenitent]

The difference between you and me - you're trying to save the world. I'm just trying to make 'em laugh.

 

[Impenitent]

Return to Venture Capitalism

I'm sinning at Bain
Just sinning at Bain
What a notorious feeling
I'm a vulture again
I'm laughing at crowds
Of workers at the gate
With greed in my heart
And I'm ready to hate
to hate

Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I'll walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Sinning, sinning while at Bain
at Bain

La...

I'm sinning at Bain
Just sinning at Bain
What a notorious feeling
I'm a vulture again
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
I'm sinning, sinning at Bain

 

[Impenitent]

Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease
Old Willard Marriott loved that rascal Mitt
Joining in his off shore schemes and other spurious shit, oh

Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease
Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Willard kept a lookout for the Coast Guard on their tail
Drug king pins and porno queens would bow wherever they came
Swiss bankers rolled out the red carpet when Mitt roared out his name

Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease
Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease

A mentor can't live forever but passes on his toys
And Mitt tries to teach that shit to his own little boys
One night it happened and Willard could play no more
But without his mentor, Mitt was just a feckless bore

His horned head bent in sorrow, his split tail felt the pain,
Mitt no longer had the gruff to continue work at Bain
Without his lifelong friend, Mitt could not be brave,
Until he devised a plan,
about a country he could enslave, oh

Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease
Mitt the Magic Mormon hid his money over seas
And politicked in the US, while evading taxes like disease

/////////

 

[emilynghiem]

The difference between you and me - you're trying to save the world. I'm just trying to make 'em laugh.

Both, not either/or. Make people laugh, cry, think in new ways.
Inspire creative process to make things right.

HYPOCRISY (imagine screaming this in a four way yell war to NIN's Heresy)

http www.houstonprogressive.org

We bought the Black vote
And sold it as democracy
We court Latinos
And pimp the poor minorities

Why point our fingers
Blinded by hypocrisy?
Make war with George Bush
Demanding peace across the sea!

If Democrats
Gave half-a rat's ass
We'd quit our fake campaigns
And make real change

We won't ban weapons
So any fool can use a gun,
But with abortion
We'll stop you from choosing one!

We blame poor Muslims
For problems in the Middle East,
While Corporations
Destroy the Planet, out of Greed!

Republicans!
Put down your guns!
Quit your hate campaigns
Invest in change!

Hey Green Party
And Tea Party:
Team up and unite
The Left and Right!

We wasted millions
To clean up Occupy's big mess.
We could have paid for
Student loans and homes for Vets!

We'd end world hunger
Building clinics, banks and schools
With all the money
Rights and freedoms we abuse!

Hey Occupants,
Take down your tents!
Pay back all your debts!
There's no free rent!

Instead of saving
Historic sites and businesses,
We donate billions
To fund campaigns for offices.

Let's fix the Border,
Build factories and hospitals
As restitution
From Corporate fraud and criminals!

Hey Candidates,
Don't add more debts!
Stop entitlements
At our expense!

Make Government
Collect back on our debts!
Find out where it went,
Buy land instead!

Hey Democrats,
Get off your [backs]!
Stop your lame campaigns,
Let's make real change.

Republicans,
Put down your guns!
Stop your hate campaigns,
Create real change!

 

[HenryBHough]

I've been enamoured by the thought of all-out nuclear war since hearing this ditty as a teen:

 

[emilynghiem]

http www.houstonprogressive.org
Big Government (after NIN "That's what I get")

How can politicians claim to be
Defending civil rights and liberties
But then invoke divine authority
When they want to steal your property

But that's what you get With big government That's full of [it]
and won't represent Citizens' consent

Instead of "Equal Justice Under Law"
It's cheaper just to buy out City Hall
While soldiers fight for freedom overseas
Our own judges run a Communist regime

But that's what we get When we submit
To false government that won't respect
Anyone's consent

Democracy is not a sport Human rights are not some game
That we can stand to lose in court Playing with eminent domain

I don't consent To big government
That's overspent and won't respect
Laws they were meant to represent

I can't submit To hypocrites
Who don't respect all citizens'
Right to elect self-government
Based on consent

EQUAL RIGHTS SMALL GOVT (after CAKE Short Skirt Long Jacket)

http www.houstonprogressive.org

"Equal Rights / Small Government"

I Want a president who won't Lie about Scandals,
Distracting the Media, to Cover his Tracks.
He Won’t deflect Blame, with Petty projection,
Yell about “war on Women,” treating People like Trash.

i Want candidates who KNOW the constitution,
Won’t Sell out to Pimps, or buy Into prostitution.
They'll Prove, by example, the Ramifications
Before passing Mandates, or Legalization.

i want accountability, under a
Limited - Federal - Government.

i want Congress - to Send a clear Message to Parties:
Go Fund your reforms - and trust States with their Own,
Respecting the First, and Fourteenth Amendments:
No taxation - WITHOUT - representing our Vote.

i Want a Legal System to collect back our Taxes,
Billions - WASTED - on Corporate abuse.
Where Amnesty is Earned, to Work off expenses
Not Punish - the Public for "capital" offenses.

i want Maximum Rights, under a Minimal
Constitutional - Ethical - Government.

I want Equal Rights, With, a Small Government,
I want States' Rights By con-Sent of the Governed,
ethics-commission.net
Equal Civil Rights, Through, Local Government,
I want States' Rights By con-Sent of the Governed,
I want Equal Rights, With, a Small Gov-ern-Ment.

I Want a First Lady who will Stand up to Bullies,
Disarm them with Kindness, while she Lays down the Laws.
She Won’t Take Sides, or take advantage of Conflict,
When Both sides are Biased, and Guilty as Charged.

I Want States’ Rights, treating Every religion
As Equal beliefs, by consensus decisions.
Where Power is Shared, not bought and Sold to a Few,
We Take back control, from collective abuse.

why Can't we Fight for Equal Rights
through a united - Small -
Constitutional - Government.

I want Equal Rights, With, a Small Government,
I want States' Rights By consent of the Governed,
Equal Civil Rights, Through, Local Government,
I want States' Rights By consent of the Governed,
I want Equal Rights, With, a Small Gov-ern-Ment.

Yeah....

 

[Impenitent]

This one got me a life-time ban in a well-knownDemocratic forum. - but it got rep here!


Moochele singing Sixteen Vacations
(Sixteen Tons)

Some people say man was made to goof off
Barry was made to play to play a mean round of golf
Goof off and golf and skin and bones
A mind that's weak and more Chinese loans

You take sixteen vacations and what
do you get
Four years wasted and deeper in debt
Mitt don't you beat us cause I won't leave
The pay's not great but I get all I can thieve

I got up one morning at a quarter to ten
Had to to get the kids on the plane to Aspen
Then we got word Colorado had no
winter yet
But they're bringing us snow on sixteen jumbo jets

You take sixteen vacations and what do you get
Four years wasted and deeper in debt
Mitt don't you beat us cause I won't leave
The pay's not great but I get all I can thieve

If you see me a-comin better step aside
A lot of men didn't and a lot of men died
I got back baby and it's three feet wide
Cause I'll eat anything as long as it's fried

You take sixteen vacations and what
do you get
Four years wasted and deeper in debt
Mitt don't you beat us cause I won't leave
The pay's not great but I get all I can thieve

 

[emilynghiem]

Hi Imp one site's troll is another site's treasure!!!
You are gold. It you don't belong there, it's cuz you belong here.

Here's one that I've performed at rallies, poetry open mic's,
and events in Houston and Austin. And plan to donate
to the Hip Hop Congress and any students who want to
turn the Ferguson rallies into positive media contests for collaboration:

CIVIL RAP
Bill of Rights set to Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega
http://www.houstonprogressive.net/mp3/Civil Rap demo.mp3

Congress shall not, Congress shall not,
Congress shall not make a law.
Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot,
Congress shall not make a law.

Congress shall not make a law
That would establish a religion,
Or disrupt the peaceful exercise
Of your religious freedom;
Or abridge the right to free speech,
Or the freedom of the press;
Or stop the people from assembling
To petition for redress.

Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot,
Congress shall not make a law.
Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot,
Congress shall not make a law.

The Bill of Rights Would not suffice
Without the next amendment,
Which protects the right to bear arms
From the government's infringement,
To counteract the forces
That defend our country's freedom.
(If you'll learn your rights ahead of time,
The cops won't have to read 'em!)

Congress shall not, Congress shall not, Congress shall not make a law.
Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot, Congress shall not make a law.

No soldier shall be quartered
In a time of war or peace
Without consent of the homeowner
Or the holder of the lease.

What's more, the right to safety
In our persons, houses, and effects
Shall not be breached without a warrant
By police or by the feds.

Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot,
Doot doot DO doot DOOT de DO doot.
Congress shall not, Congress shall not,
Congress shall not make a law.

No one shall be deprived of rights
Without due process of the laws,
Compelled to self-incriminate,
Tried more than once for the same cause,

Or be deprived of private property
Without just compensation,
Or denied a public trial with help
To face the accusation.

The right to trial by jury
Is preserved in suits at hand
Involving more than twenty dollars . . .
. . . No fact being re-examined . . .

Except by common law
Or in accordance with the rules.
No bails or fines shall be extreme,
No punishment unfairly cruel.

Congress shall not, Congress shall not, Congress shall not make a law.
Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot, Congress shall not make a law.

No rights shall be disparaged
By the laws' enumeration,
Nor the power retained by states
Or by the people of the nation,

Such as the right to happiness,
To life, and liberty
To practice equal voice in government
And true democracy.

Congress shall not, Congress shall not, Congress shall not make a law.
Doot doot DO doot, doot de DO doot, Congress shall not make a law.

The U.S. Congress shall make no laws.
Period!

ethics-commission.net

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." -- Amendment I

See Also AMENDMENT XIV, Section 1:

. . . No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

 

[Impenitent]

I've been enamoured by the thought of all-out nuclear war since hearing this ditty as a teen:

Same theme:

 

[Impenitent]

A sad lament, just forLibertarians

"When You Were Our Man"
(When I Was Your Man)
Bruno Mars

Same government but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Rush on the radio but he don't sound the same
When my friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That you should have been wielding Presidential powers
Ann holding your hand
I should have given you all my hours
Instead of campaigning Libertarian
I shouldn't have voted 3rd party
But I was in a libertarian trance
Now my country's trancing
But it's trancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good severe conservative like you to lose the race
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That you should have been wielding Presidential powers
Ann holding your hand
I should have given you all my hours
Instead of campaigning Libertarian
I shouldn't have voted 3rd party
But I was in a libertarian trance
Now my country's trancing
But it's trancing with another man

Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm actually much too late
To try and rectify my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he loses his powers
I hope he overplays his hand
On vacation all his hours
And at every chance
A member of the communist party
Cause I see how those innocent people are under his trance
I wish I did all the things I should have done
When you were our man
Did all the things I should have done
When you were our man