I think things may be better now. I feel..different. So does MrG. Not sure what it all means, but it's not a negative.
We have turned down one apartment management job since being here...and just today, we declined running a B&B as innkeepers. The apartment job was here. The B&B was..drumroll..at home. The beach. I am surprised I didn't want it. After all..this is what I wanted. To go home. At least, its what I THOUGHT I wanted. After some sleepless nights the past few days, it finally dawned on me. We don't want a job. We are retired and falling apart physically. Going back into the hospitality business is NOT something we had in mind. The B&B was tempting, I cannot deny that. But, it would be a lot of work. And cooking. Heavy pots and pans. 10 rooms over our heads full of people wanting stuff at all hours. It would be like managing a motel...where you are stuck there 24/7. We can't do it. Oh, we could, but it would probably kill us sooner rather than later.
So, today was enlightenment day. We declined The Beach. Home. When karma drew her last breath, The Beach died along with her. And a major part of my heart. I finally have let it go. We were blessed with 30 years of living on the coast, listening to waves break, gulls cry, foghorn wail, perfect weather. But now, it is time to spend our remaining years as Forest Folk. 4 Seasons. Extreme weather for each season. Raccoons chatting with me at the window, tree squirrels begging for food on the porch, neighbor cats and dogs coming over to visit, new friends I have made here. And....no more stress worrying.
I love my own room. MrG has his own room. We are warm, dry, keep our section of the house neat and clean, have a kitchen to cook in, can come and go as we please, have new docs, and in general...are semi normal again after a year of stress, pain, sorrow, sadness, doubt, anger, distress, homelessness. I think...fingers crossed...the bad days are now over. I hope.
Now, we wait for housing here that will be our very own. 2 year wait...but at least we are comfortable while waiting. Tomorrow IS another day and it looks better than it has in a long long LONG time.
