All the Evangelicals and pretend to be Christians is the reason I will never call myself Christian anymore,
They, the GOP and Tramp give Christianity a bad name.
Your mind must reign itself in a state of constant indefatigable fear and confusion. Being Christian does not and never has and never shall equate to being morally perfect or coming close. Christians, like every other last human soul on this planet are flawed, imperfect, sinners and failures; they're vulnerable, mortal and just as open to corruption as anyone else. The key difference between the average
believing Christian and anyone else? The believing Christian listens and looks for the voice and sight of God, and knows/feels the eternal, ancient presence of God in all places in everyday life. The believing Christian has matured sufficiently enough to be capable of accepting an authority higher than himself; higher than mankind. And lastly, the believing Christian believes in forgiveness, sometimes
with consequences where due, and will at least
try to live his life by Christ's example, although doing that is next to impossible, as other people will challenge you every step of the way and our own internal conflict unending can be the highest hurdle.
Your problem, same as millions of other morally bankrupt fools, seems to be in your unwavering belief that only paragons of moral virtue can call themselves Christian. Why do you think Christ came down to Earth and showed mankind the way to eternal life of the soul? Mankind was far from your ideal perfection then, and so he still is today. Expecting perfection in any fellow human being is gonna disappoint you in the end, real badly. However, forbidding yourself to practice Christianity simply because you see no perfection in any Christian shows a distinct lack of understanding of your fellow examples of mankind. Look in the mirror. You are not without flaws and never shall be. Nor will I or anyone else you could meet who calls themselves Christian or otherwise. Accept that, move on, deal with it. You want salvation, ask Christ for it. You want human perfection? Write a novel about perfect people . . . although, that'd likely be boring as all hell.