The Apocryphra Says Joseph Was 83 Years Older Than Mary When Jesus Was Born

Snouter

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Aug 3, 2013
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Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith
 
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Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith
So you are saying that the trinity is really another Oedipus Rex complex with a sacramental twist??

Did priest always examine the vagina after the child was born? Cause I know that the circumcision didn't happen on the day of birth..A bris is held eight days after a childbirth...“The Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the people of Israel, saying, If a woman conceives and bears a male child, then she shall be unclean seven days. As at the time of her menstruation, she shall be unclean. And on the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised. Then she shall continue for thirty-three days in the blood of her purifying. She shall not touch anything holy, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying are completed. But if she bears a female child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her menstruation. And she shall continue in the blood of her purifying for sixty-six days. “And when the days of her purifying are completed, whether for a son or for a daughter, she shall bring to the priest at the entrance of the tent of meeting a lamb a year old for a burnt offering, and a pigeon or a turtledove for a sin offering, and he shall offer it before the Lord and make atonement for her. Then she shall be clean from the flow of her blood. This is the law for her who bears a child, either male or female. And if she cannot afford a lamb, then she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons, one for a burnt offering and the other for a sin offering. And the priest shall make atonement for her, and she shall be clean.” Leviticus 12:1-8, ESV Literary Study Bible ...
Why are women considered unclean after childbirth in Leviticus?
 
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It says Joseph was 111 when he died.
Jesus was 33 when he died.
That would make Joseph 78 when Jesus was born, not 99.
 
According to the OP the hymen of Mary was intact after the birth of Jeebus...Therefore I would like the OP to show us on this very scientific model below just where would da baby pass through if the hymen was intact after birth.. If dat vagina is not the route just what was? Immaculate delivery of a spirit which after it passed through the hymen transubstantiated itself into a human form?



vaginal_corona.jpg
 
Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith

Doesn't matter because
A) Jesus was not based on a singular historical figure
B) one of those figures used to create his image is an illegitimate child named Yeshu son of Mary;
Joseph is not Yeshu's Father, Pandera (Pantheras) the Roman soldier was.
Hence : why Matthew 1:19 says Joseph had a mind to divorce her Quietly, (so she wouldn't be stoned).
maury-povich-not-the-father-christmas-sweater.jpg

 
Interesting side note into the Oedipus Complex as applied to Jesus being 30 when Mary was 46 (the woman 16 years older), Mohammad was 25 when he married 40 year old Khadija who was employer when he was a camel driver (the woman 15 years older).
 
It says Joseph was 111 when he died.
Jesus was 33 when he died.
That would make Joseph 78 when Jesus was born, not 99.

Folks, I appreciate all the responses, but let's take a look at this. Notice the logic. Or lack thereof. :p

Peach174, what high school did you drop out from?
 
People had less to do for entertainment then, so, the Bible was published...

IMO it is far more sinister than that. The Bible was probably the most detrimental thing ever imposed on the Western World.
 
People had less to do for entertainment then, so, the Bible was published...

IMO it is far more sinister than that. The Bible was probably the most detrimental thing ever imposed on the Western World.

That would be a tie between the Beatles Songbook and blues music, a battle between barbershop quartets with electricity and the weird white boy fascination with old, black, and babbling drunk men who can't tune guitars banging away like they're saying 'deep stuff' or something.
 
Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith
The Apocrypha was written before Jesus was born. So why would it mention Jesus or Joseph, who weren't even born yet?
 
Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith
The Apocrypha was written before Jesus was born. So why would it mention Jesus or Joseph, who weren't even born yet?

There are old testament Apocryphal and new testament Apocryphal which was written in the 2nd century A.D.
 
Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith
The Apocrypha was written before Jesus was born. So why would it mention Jesus or Joseph, who weren't even born yet?

There are old testament Apocryphal and new testament Apocryphal which was written in the 2nd century A.D.
And anything written after the book of Revelation is not Scripture. In fact, anyone who adds or takes away from Scripture is condemned to Hell.
 
Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith

Doesn't matter because
A) Jesus was not based on a singular historical figure
B) one of those figures used to create his image is an illegitimate child named Yeshu son of Mary;
Joseph is not Yeshu's Father, Pandera (Pantheras) the Roman soldier was.
Hence : why Matthew 1:19 says Joseph had a mind to divorce her Quietly, (so she wouldn't be stoned).
View attachment 159983

Jesus was a “singular, historical figure” And no reputable scholars disagree
 
Apparently Joseph (Jesus' humanoid father, although Yahweh was his real father which is actually himself) met Mary (who Catholics call the "mother of god")for the first time when she was 12! Joseph was 99 and Mary was 16 when Jesus was born as a humanoid, although Jesus says Joseph and Mary did not copulate! That her hymen was unbroken after the birth of Jesus was allegedly confirmed by a number of Hebrew priests after they thoroughly examined "the mother of god's" vagina and chopping off the foreskin of the "son of god"!

Apocrypha: Joseph the Carpenter : Interfaith

Doesn't matter because
A) Jesus was not based on a singular historical figure
B) one of those figures used to create his image is an illegitimate child named Yeshu son of Mary;
Joseph is not Yeshu's Father, Pandera (Pantheras) the Roman soldier was.
Hence : why Matthew 1:19 says Joseph had a mind to divorce her Quietly, (so she wouldn't be stoned).
View attachment 159983

Jesus was a “singular, historical figure” And no reputable scholars disagree
1) That's a false statement and you declare your statement through the subjective opinions of who YOU BELIEVE is reputable or not by and through mere agreement with what you believe. Must be nice to declare who is reputable or not through group affiliation or brainwashing.
Fact is no reputable historian can claim a historical figure can exist in the Time of King Herod(died 4bc) and Lysanias (died 35bc) and yet also magically exist in the AD Pilate era.
2)Your reply had 0 refutations to all the evidence, therefore using the what other oblivious people think argument is an ad hominem excuse.
=argument failed, try again.
3)you are calling me smarter then the
7 billion people and those before them for noticing these things they've seemed to miss all these years. At least in regard to Biblical & historical accuracy and intellectual honesty.
The Bible itself agrees with this conclusion:
Dan 10:21.
 
So. According to warped theology, Yeshua went for over a month to pray to himself. DEEP.
Kinda like "kickin it up a notch !"
Two, two two.............uhn uh 3 in one !
 

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