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You do not have to stay in an unhappy marriageI emulate them because they are part of who I am. These people shaped me.
Yes. I think I am worthy of a fulfilling relationship but supposedly I am obligated to find that in my current marriage. I just won't.
I have done so many bad things and said so many bad things in my life that I am embarrassed to be around those I have hurt. I know I could do it better. I know how to love. It is the being loved part that I need help with. I just don't get why my wife loves me and accepts me. I just don't believe her. It doesn't make sense.
Are you hung up on the religious thing?Supposedly I deserve this marriage because one day when I was 23 and in a really good mood I agreed to stay married until me or my wife died. So I deserve to be bound by that agreement so maybe I don't deserve happiness because of that thing I did one day back when I was 23.
Do I not deserve to be punished for my actions on that day?
You were obligated to make personal sacrifices to raise your children.I emulate them because they are part of who I am. These people shaped me.
Yes. I think I am worthy of a fulfilling relationship but supposedly I am obligated to find that in my current marriage. I just won't.
I have done so many bad things and said so many bad things in my life that I am embarrassed to be around those I have hurt. I know I could do it better. I know how to love. It is the being loved part that I need help with. I just don't get why my wife loves me and accepts me. I just don't believe her. It doesn't make sense.
Are you hung up on the religious thing?
If you are get over it.
Not really. I see lots of older people that decided to stay married. They are super miserable. For some reason I can't point out any aspect that makes me more worthy than them to go have a better life. I see some people remarry and are happy as larks. I guess it is a debate over my self worth. Why do I deserve better than some? Why do I deserve worse than some? I guess misery loves company and I have plenty of company. I know lots of married people that toughed it out just because. It is comfortable to suffer alongside them. I do honestly believe my wife would be hurt by the decision. So that factors in more than the rest of it. I don't hate her. Most divorces one person hates the other. Neither of us hate each other.
I refuse to have an affair because I love my wife. I don't feel the need to breed like an animal with other women.
My wife and I are unified in goals, wants and desires...we work together on everything.
However....I once was married to a woman who had less than positive thoughts about me. It was difficult to say the least. No respect or value for me whatsoever.
But an affair is a big red flag over your head. It says something about you that you will not like. It speaks about your lack of character regardless of what your current wife is denying you and encouraging you to seek for your needs elsewhere.
Then there's the children....your progeny. They become destroyed by an affair and divorce. The very pillars of their world view is forever changed by divorce. They believe that since mommy and daddy can stop loving each other maybe they will stop loving them too. And children do not possess the emotional skills to be able to process the difference.
However, take hope! One day she might decide she "deserves better than you" and sues for divorce. My ex wife did...she didn't get better she got worse...my life improved exponentially and continues to improve because of my new wife while my ex wife is getting worse and worse as time goes by.
Now life was financially difficult while paying child support. No doubt about that at all. ⅓ of your net income gets paid to her. (It never really gets used on the kids) Husbands usually don't get custody even if they remarry. And Child Support services are Nazis in every sense of the word and treat you as if you are a Jew. Just saying.
Eventually kids grow up and blame parents for every real and imagined mistake in parenting and leave home remembering the Netflix password as they go. Then child support drops off and the Netflix bill goes up. But it's usually a LOT cheaper.
So because other people choose to be unhappy you think that's your only option.
What do you think child support goes for?
$350 for the first kid and $200 for each additional kid? How much do you think it goes for?
You really aren't responsible for setting an example for others especially whenthat example is one of misery, unhappiness and denialIt does appear to be the norm. Longevity in marriage is often celebrated. People from all types if lifestyles smile real big when I tell them I have been married 21 years. In shallow conversation continuity in marriage is painted in a positive light. There has to be something good about it.
It is like my marriage does good things to outsiders. I guess see it as a responsibility to those smiley faced people. They like it that I am miserable for the sake of them hearing the large number of years married.
I don't know where you live where laws are anything like you describe but it isn't where I live.Your wife is a trusted confidante and friend. She knows you extremely well. She knows your likes and dislikes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....and being unfaithful is scorning her. She WILL absolutely know because she knows you. And where she might be willing to put up with your indifference towards her at times she likely won't put up with you making her out to be a fool.
On top of this...."fatal attraction "
An affair partner is not a robot or without feelings of her own. Most women don't want to be a one night stand or an affair partner...and she will not be happy about the situation either. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned " ......and if your affair partner figures out a way to get even....she will. That's if your wife doesn't get to you first.
You have a lot to lose....
Your kids would eventually find out and become disgusted with you....not exactly a good feeling either.
Then, if somehow you get to be one of the lucky 10% and try to settle down happily in wedded bliss with your affair partner your wife can easily win a lawsuit against your affair partner for "stealing your affection " and again relegate your life to one of poverty. The Law is on your Wife's side.
Movies and television shows make it out to be immoral but that's about it. The truth is something much worse. There's tons of scammers looking just for a guy like you....who think just like you are. And a lot of women who are waiting for juicy prey.
It's really scary out there. Thinking that the grass is greener is only going to kill all the lawns.
Your wife is a trusted confidante and friend. She knows you extremely well. She knows your likes and dislikes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....and being unfaithful is scorning her. She WILL absolutely know because she knows you. And where she might be willing to put up with your indifference towards her at times she likely won't put up with you making her out to be a fool.
On top of this...."fatal attraction "
An affair partner is not a robot or without feelings of her own. Most women don't want to be a one night stand or an affair partner...and she will not be happy about the situation either. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned " ......and if your affair partner figures out a way to get even....she will. That's if your wife doesn't get to you first.
You have a lot to lose....
Your kids would eventually find out and become disgusted with you....not exactly a good feeling either.
Then, if somehow you get to be one of the lucky 10% and try to settle down happily in wedded bliss with your affair partner your wife can easily win a lawsuit against your affair partner for "stealing your affection " and again relegate your life to one of poverty. The Law is on your Wife's side.
Movies and television shows make it out to be immoral but that's about it. The truth is something much worse. There's tons of scammers looking just for a guy like you....who think just like you are. And a lot of women who are waiting for juicy prey.
It's really scary out there. Thinking that the grass is greener is only going to kill all the lawns.
Communication is difficult and painful but necessary. Would she agree to a marriage counselor?I don't think she has a reason for ignoring me. I think she is just fully entertained by all other aspects and other people in her life. How can I really compete with multi-billion dollar industries that create iPhones, television shows, app this, app that, fun person from work, fun person from church, fun person over here, fun person over there? She is totally happy with me as a reliable tool that requires no maintenance. If I am needed to help maintain some of the priorities in her lifeyo then I am an absolute amazing man. Otherwise I just set up on the shelf collecting dust. I doubt I am the only man that lives this way. I imagine a lot of women live this way too.
Not many people value relationships because they require too much effort. It doesn't take long to lose your interest and/or comfort around another human being. If I could just live in another house and she could come see me when she wanted to see me then I think it would be a more perfect union. I don't mind being ignored by people. There are 8 billion people on this planet and most of them ignore me. I just don't like being actively ignored. I don't like being required to be present in order to be ignored. She can ignore me from afar and it wouldn't hurt as much.
Communication is difficult and painful but necessary. Would she agree to a marriage counselor?
Post pictures of your wife so we can decide.Why do people choose not to have affairs?
I am strongly considering it but it just seems so much like a bad idea. I will just continue being ignored by my wife and feeling pure misery all hours of my life. Eventually, I will die. Staying married and faithful until the end is definitely the best financial decision. Does anybody have any experience with this with the benefit of hindsight? Is it healthy to be in pure misery 100% of the time all day, all week, all month, all year, and for decades on end for the sake of saving your marriage is it better to find someone that thinks you are awesome and views you as a person?
Does anybody know what to do about a wife that doesn't even know that you exist? There are just so many issues to solve at once.
WARNING: I will ignore all cop-out answers. Don't cop out.
An entire state government to beat. Great.If your spouse ignores you and refuses 'marital relations' you are effectively not 'married' anymore. All that remains is the paperwork.
