Jealously in relationships

[dilloduck]

Is jealously in a realtionship evidence of someone feeling cheated out of something ? A fear that it may happen or has someones behavior already been construed as cheating or not fulfilling an expectation of exclusiveness ?

 

[jillian]

Is jealously in a realtionship evidence of someone feeling cheated out of something ? A fear that it may happen or has someones behavior already been construed as cheating or not fulfilling an expectation of exclusiveness ?

Interesting question. By jealousy, do you mean, rip roaring insane, hurling accusations jealous, or just a mild discomfort?

I try not to be jealous, in general. It rears it's ugly head every so often, I suppose (the mild discomfort type). In general, I would think it's just being concerned about what you can't see and, for whatever reason, not feeling sure enough of the other person to know that whatever is going on, isn't taking anything away from you. It could also well be that the other person is doing things which make you question the relationship. That can spill into jealousy, I suppose.

I have one friend whom I think would define jealousy as being insecure.

 

[dilloduck]

Is jealously in a realtionship evidence of someone feeling cheated out of something ? A fear that it may happen or has someones behavior already been construed as cheating or not fulfilling an expectation of exclusiveness ?

Interesting question. By jealousy, do you mean, rip roaring insane, hurling accusations jealous, or just a mild discomfort?

I try not to be jealous, in general. It rears it's ugly head every so often, I suppose (the mild discomfort type). In general, I would think it's just being concerned about what you can't see and, for whatever reason, not feeling sure enough of the other person to know that whatever is going on, isn't taking anything away from you. It could also well be that the other person is doing things which make you question the relationship. That can spill into jealousy, I suppose.

I have one friend whom I think would define jealousy as being insecure.

I'm open for all degrees of jealousy. I just thought it fit with the discussion on cheating but separated it for the sake of clarity.
Is it a sign of another realtionship expectation that is in jeopardy ?

 

[jillian]

I'm open for all degrees of jealousy. I just thought it fit with the discussion on cheating but separated it for the sake of clarity.
Is it a sign of another realtionship expectation that is in jeopardy ?

Just my opinion, but I think jealousy is less a reflection on the relationship than it is a reflection of the person who is feeling jealous. (unless the other person is intentionally doing things to make the other person feel jealous to feed their own issues).

 

[dilloduck]

I'm open for all degrees of jealousy. I just thought it fit with the discussion on cheating but separated it for the sake of clarity.
Is it a sign of another realtionship expectation that is in jeopardy ?

Just my opinion, but I think jealousy is less a reflection on the relationship than it is a reflection of the person who is feeling jealous. (unless the other person is intentionally doing things to make the other person feel jealous to feed their own issues).

I tend to agree but is it another indication that the weird unspoken rules in a marriage contract have been broken---at least in the eyes of one partner ?

 

[jillian]

I have to think about that one. Wouldn't mind seeing what others have to say on this subject.

 

[dilloduck]

I have to think about that one. Wouldn't mind seeing what others have to say on this subject.

Crossed my mind so I threw it out there. Some folks have some pretty good perspectives on things here.

 

[editec]

When jealousy is justified, it is really jealousy?

In that case, it seems to me it is the just final alert to the other person that whatever they are doing is not going to fly much longer.

OTOH, if it is based on one's imagination and insecurity, well then...it's a personal problem that will probably wreck a good relationship.

 

[dilloduck]

When jealousy is justified, it is really jealousy?

In that case, it seems to me it is the just final alert to the other person that whatever they are doing is not going to fly much longer.

OTOH, if it is based on one's imagination and insecurity, well then...it's a personal problem that will probably wreck a good relationship.

Who determines if it's justified ?

 

[Luissa]

When jealousy is justified, it is really jealousy?

In that case, it seems to me it is the just final alert to the other person that whatever they are doing is not going to fly much longer.

OTOH, if it is based on one's imagination and insecurity, well then...it's a personal problem that will probably wreck a good relationship.

Who determines if it's justified ?

The women!
And the only times I have been jealous, I later found out even the guy told me I was being crazy that I had good reason to be!

 

[RodISHI]

I think there are different forms of jealousy.

Insecurity can be manifested as a form of jealousy.

Think on that song that goes, "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife...."

I had an insanely jealous husband in my first go around. He cheated a lot so I assumed that was the main reason he was so jealous. He was also a control freak too. The kind that did not want his woman going to the grocery store alone.

 

[dilloduck]

When jealousy is justified, it is really jealousy?

In that case, it seems to me it is the just final alert to the other person that whatever they are doing is not going to fly much longer.

OTOH, if it is based on one's imagination and insecurity, well then...it's a personal problem that will probably wreck a good relationship.

Who determines if it's justified ?

The women!
And the only times I have been jealous, I later found out even the guy told me I was being crazy that I had good reason to be!

glad you clarified that one !

 

[Luissa]

Who determines if it's justified ?

The women!
And the only times I have been jealous, I later found out even the guy told me I was being crazy that I had good reason to be!

glad you clarified that one !

You are better off if you just let the women decide, especially if they are pregnant, your life will be a lot easier!

 

[PoliticalChic]

I think there are different forms of jealousy.

Insecurity can be manifested as a form of jealousy.
Think on that song that goes, "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife...."

I had an insanely jealous husband in my first go around. He cheated a lot so I assumed that was the main reason he was so jealous. He was also a control freak too. The kind that did not want his woman going to the grocery store alone.

Very true. Jealousy can be based on an irrational fear, but the person who is jealous is usually insecure about something in themselves, whether it be their looks, weight, shyness...

 

[Andrew2382]

no reason for me ever to be jealous

no one is better then me

 

[PoliticalChic]

no reason for me ever to be jealous

no one is better then me

But sounds like you may have an image problem.

 

[RodISHI]

no reason for me ever to be jealous

no one is better then me

Sounds like my husband. His deal is "No one better for thee than me."

 

[Amanda]

I think jealousy comes in different forms. There's the insecure person that sees threats everywhere, but then there's when someone is really stepping over your personal boundary of what's acceptable.

For me in an exclusive relationship I expect fidelity, but I don't suspect he's cheating just because he wants to hang out with his friends. When things become secretive then I think there's reason to suspect something is going on that shouldn't be. I don't think I've ever felt like something was wrong when it wasn't, so I think trusting your gut is important. Even if you were wrong and nothing was going on, if you're with a person that makes you worry then you're probably not a good match anyway.

 

[Care4all]

no reason for me ever to be jealous

no one is better then me

But sounds like you may have an image problem.

That, or he can feel free to POST his picture and we can be the judge!

 

[Andrew2382]

no reason for me ever to be jealous

no one is better then me

But sounds like you may have an image problem.

That, or he can feel free to POST his picture and we can be the judge!

Imagine the hottest guy in the world...but better looking.