In other news...

[Ame®icano]

... coming soon: "for English - press 8"

 

[Ame®icano]

... after granting amnesty to 5 million illegals, emperor Barry requested... a crown.

 

[Ame®icano]

... Bill Ayers, just some guy who lived on Obama's block. Jeremiah Wright, just some guy who preached at Obama's church. Jonathan Gruber, just some dude Obama heard about on CNN.

 

[Ame®icano]

... with more winter weather over US and Canada, global warmists might think (again) about new name for their "theory". They wanted to go with "meteorology" but that's already an actual thing.

 

[Ame®icano]

... house Democrats have unanimously re-elected Nancy Pelosi for minority leader. There. Forever. Or till she successfully blinks her eyes. Whichever happens first.

 

[Ame®icano]

... riots in Ferguson. Nothing says justice like wrecking your own neighborhood because the other thug got himself killed.

 

[Ame®icano]

... and "lady" that led "**** the police" rally in Ferguson, had her car stolen during the very same rally. The universe says, "karma is a real mother".

 

[Ame®icano]

... homeboy parallel parked an appliance in a space 300 million miles away with a remote control traveling 41000 miles per hour... and they wanna talk about his shirt. Yey, feminism.

 

[Ame®icano]

... "If I had a city, it would look like Ferguson".

 

[Ame®icano]

... board liberals are giving special thanks this holiday to congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee for reminding them that no matter how stupid they are, they're still smarter then at least one member of congress.

 

[Ame®icano]

... in land of legal marijuana, Colorado, 27 yo Nathan Rolf Channing is facing felony charges for pointing banana at two cops. With banana-control laws, price of cucumber will necessarily skyrocket.

 

[Ame®icano]

... after door-busting black Friday deals in Ferguson, administration is expected to release executive order that renames "looters" to "undocumented shoppers".

 

[Ame®icano]

... for the first time since the Grant administration, the US is not the top economy in the world. Start asking for discounts on Chinese food.

 

[Ame®icano]

... president's right hand, or co-president Al Sharpton arrived to New York to vow new civil rights era after Eric Garner case. Only problem is that Eric Garner died in July and Sharpton just now decided to show up. That sincere.

 

[Ame®icano]

... the "I hate tea parties" coffee travel mug is being sold to raise money for the democratic party. It turns out that price of hate is 30 bucks and you'll even get free shipping. "This religiously non specific holiday festival season, pour yourself nice warm coup of... hate".

 

[Ame®icano]

... former GOP staffer Elizabeth Lauten caused liberal uproar after mocking first kids when they attended the annual turkey pardoning ceremony. On the other hand, there were only crickets heard after former democratic staffer Donny Ray Williams pleaded guilty for sexual assault charges after drugging then raping two unconscious women. War on women anyone?

 

[Ame®icano]

... "Obamacare is working", said Kathleen Sebelius, "but it has a bad brand", so she suggested changing the name. If is working, then why it need a name change? How about EpicFail, or Gruber's original idea - StupidCare?

 

[Ame®icano]

... in recently released Feinstein torture report, CIA forced guys like Jihadi John listening cat food jingles and that makes us bad guys.

 

[Ame®icano]

... according to democrats, so what if with Obamacare they committed trillion dollar fraud? This one time the CIA made Khalid Shaikh Mohammed watch cartoons and he got "free bath".

 

[Ame®icano]

... Beverly Johnson too? Damn Cosby, if you keep going at this rate, you're going to end up being president. Or worse, married to her.