How About a Joke Thread ?

[Captain Caveman]

How does Tommy Tainant high five his friend?


He shakes his own hand.

 

[Ringo]

If after 50 you are not satisfied with your life - pour another 50.

- I collect stamps!
- And I - coins.
- And I - post cards.
- And I copper
- What do you mean?
- I mean, show me some ID

- Sometimes when you're standing in a traffic jam, you just want to cast the spell "Take out all the cars that were bought on credit".
And look at the empty road... with your ass on the pavement.

 

[Captain Caveman]

So annoyed, I used to work as a predictive text programmer, until they fired me for no raisin.

 

[App'z]

 

[lg325]

Q: How do all jokes start in a woke society?
A: By first looking over your shoulder.

 

[BackAgain]

Apparently lil Johnny forgot that jokes are supposed to be funny.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

If the next generation of humans is supposed to be our future......................


I want to declare bancruptcy and move to another planet!!!!

 

[Ringo]

- Did you know that a hippo runs faster than a man on land and swims faster than him in water?
- So what?
- It turns out that the only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon is on a bicycle.

 

[App'z]

 

[Resnic]

A kid is out playing one day and is poking through a junk pile at a dump and finds a welders helmet and thinks it's cool so he puts it on and is walking home.

Along the way a pedophile drives up next to him and says "hey you want a ride home" and the kid says ok and gets in the car.

So they are driving down the road and the pedophile says "hey, do you want me to suck your dick?" And the kid looks at him and says "what? I don't know.....no I don't think I do".

Few miles go by and the pedophile says "hey would you like to suck my dick?" And the kid says "no I don't want that either".

Few more miles go by and the pedophile says "how about I stick my dick in your ass?" And the kid says "oh I get it. No you're mistaken sir. I'm not really a welder".

 

[Ringo]

Marital tips.
A woman should be praised, but not over-praised. That's why when I told mine on emotion "You are very good", I immediately added "But I've had better ones".

- Mom, what are we celebrating on Abolition Day?
- It's not our holiday, son.
- Because we're white?
- No, because your daddy's got 15 years left on his mortgage.

 

[miketx]

Ohhhhhh, quad cam V6!

 

[Ringo]

A thief got into the apartment. He switched on a flashlight and started rummaging through chests of drawers and closets. Suddenly he hears a voice in the darkness: - Jesus sees everything! The thief was stunned, froze, turned off the flashlight: - Well, he thinks, that's it, the end....
But everything is quiet, nothing happens. He started searching the shelves again. But again, the voice: - Jesus sees everything!!! The thief is quiet again, but everything nothing happens and he goes back to work. And so several times.
Then thief turns on the light. And a parrot sits in the room and repeats: - Jesus sees everything! The thief laughed: - What's your name, parrot?
- Jeremiah!
- What kind of asshole calls a parrot Jeremiah?!
- The same one, who called that bull terrier over there Jesus.

 

[Ringo]

I saw a man in a coffee shop today with no phone, no laptop, no tablet.
He was just sitting at a table drinking coffee like some psychopath...

 

[App'z]

 

[Ringo]

Only a henpecked would ask his wife to let him go out with his friends.
A real man already knows that he can't!!!

 

[lg325]

lg325 walked into a bar.
Fortunately, someone took it down before anyone else got hurt.

 

[luiza]

How About a Joke Thread ?​

I’d recommend any thread started by im.2 or that idiot, Adam_Clayton_Jones. In fact lots of threads started by our liberals are good for nothing but a laugh.

And Nazi Winkle the Titty, and, Toomuchbooze .

 

[luiza]

How does Tommy Tainant high five his friend?


He shakes his own hand.

What? Even though that is also full of shit?

 

[lg325]

Science-Denying Record Label Refuses To Accept That Fat-Bottomed Girls Make The Rockin’ World Go ‘Round​