Friends, Foes, and Acquaintances

Check all that applies for you

  • A friend gives you benefit of the doubt

  • A friend asks for your side of the story

  • A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust

  • A friend is always there for you

  • A friend tells you the truth

  • A friend doesn't turn others against you

  • A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you

  • A friend is happy with you and sad with you

  • A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments

  • Extenuating circumstances may apply to some or all of these


Results are only viewable after voting.

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
There is little that enriches your life as much as being blessed with a true friend. And nothing is quite as hurtful as the betrayal of a friend. But what determines who is and who is not your friend? And who are simply acquaintances that enter your life by coincidence and exit your life the same way? How do you identify the true friends and those who are using you for their own purposes or who are pretending or who are deceiving you?

How do you identify the true friends and the fair weather or fraudulent friends who are not really friends at all? Or does it matter to you?

NOTE: This is intended as a philosophical discussion and is NOT targeted at any person in particular. If we could keep it that way, as well as civil, as much as possible, this would be much appreciated. I don't want this to end up in the Flame Zone pretty please.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
For starters, I will admit to forming really genuine friendships in this wierd internet world we inhabit together. And if one of those persons seems to have a problem with me, it is a concern. If that person rejects me without giving me a reason, or sometimes if they do give me a reason, it hurts. And my heart yearns for and sometimes hurts for those who leave or go missing without a trace and I fear for them.

In real life, all of these feelings are magnified.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
Hmmm. Wondering if our USMBers don't have any friends? LOL.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
Looks like you could use a friend Foxfyre. :smiliehug:
LOL no kidding. :) Actually when you start a thread like this and you get a gazillion looks but nobody posts, it is really easy to get paranoid and decide nobody loves you. :) It's like throwing a party and nobody comes.
 

Annie

Diamond Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2003
Messages
50,848
Reaction score
4,826
Points
1,790
There is little that enriches your life as much as being blessed with a true friend. And nothing is quite as hurtful as the betrayal of a friend. But what determines who is and who is not your friend? And who are simply acquaintances that enter your life by coincidence and exit your life the same way? How do you identify the true friends and those who are using you for their own purposes or who are pretending or who are deceiving you?

How do you identify the true friends and the fair weather or fraudulent friends who are not really friends at all? Or does it matter to you?

NOTE: This is intended as a philosophical discussion and is NOT targeted at any person in particular. If we could keep it that way, as well as civil, as much as possible, this would be much appreciated. I don't want this to end up in the Flame Zone pretty please.
I've had friendships that have spanned 57 years. That's my real life.

I thought I'd learned nearly a decade ago that online 'friendships' were rare to non-existent. In past year, that lesson was brought home with a bang.

While there are some that I 'trust'. for the most part I won't really let my guard down.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
Actually what prompted this thread was somebody asking my counsel earlier today re how to handle a situation when somebody they really counted as a good friend no longer appears to be. And shortly on the heels of that conversation, in a completely unrelated discussion, I was hearing the story of somebody who felt like not only had their friend turned on her, but was actively trying to get others to turn on her too.

And I realized I not only understood, but could empathize with both based on my own experience over the years.

Probably we've all been rejected by somebody we wanted to be friends with. And we've probably all been falsely accused or seriously misunderstood at some point. And we've probably all had to deal with a back stabber at some point.

I just wondered how everybody else handles these situations. And how we choose our friends in the first place.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
There is little that enriches your life as much as being blessed with a true friend. And nothing is quite as hurtful as the betrayal of a friend. But what determines who is and who is not your friend? And who are simply acquaintances that enter your life by coincidence and exit your life the same way? How do you identify the true friends and those who are using you for their own purposes or who are pretending or who are deceiving you?

How do you identify the true friends and the fair weather or fraudulent friends who are not really friends at all? Or does it matter to you?

NOTE: This is intended as a philosophical discussion and is NOT targeted at any person in particular. If we could keep it that way, as well as civil, as much as possible, this would be much appreciated. I don't want this to end up in the Flame Zone pretty please.
I've had friendships that have spanned 57 years. That's my real life.

I thought I'd learned nearly a decade ago that online 'friendships' were rare to non-existent. In past year, that lesson was brought home with a bang.

While there are some that I 'trust'. for the most part I won't really let my guard down.
I hear that Annie. Several times when things went sour, I was tempted to just back off this whole internet community thing altogether. But I have honestly made internet friendships that resulted in real life friendships and there are some I have interacted with here that have never seriously disappointed me. And I would like to think that some of these special on line relationships are real. But there have been so many disappointments I too do have my guard up somewhat.

I was just going to send Save a ((hug)) for chiming in. And it's good to see you too. :)
 

saveliberty

Diamond Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2009
Messages
57,897
Reaction score
9,724
Points
2,030
  1. A friend gives you benefit of the doubt - If it is a good friend, you probably don't have doubts.
  2. A friend asks for your side of the story - Usually if you are good friends they just tell you their side.
  3. A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust - Yes.
  4. A friend is always there for you - Maybe, distance can be a problem.
  5. A friend tells you the truth - Most likely, but some tend to protect you form the truth at times.
  6. A friend doesn't turn others against you - Hopefully.
  7. A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you - Depends, what position did you put the friend in?
  8. A friend is happy with you and sad with you - Divides sorrow and doubles joy?
  9. A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments - Unless they are being honest about what you actually did.
 

saveliberty

Diamond Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2009
Messages
57,897
Reaction score
9,724
Points
2,030
I have lots that could be said on the subject of internet friends, but it would not be constructive nor positive, so it will be left unsaid. Hope they are having a great time and wish them the best.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
  1. A friend gives you benefit of the doubt - If it is a good friend, you probably don't have doubts.
  2. A friend asks for your side of the story - Usually if you are good friends they just tell you their side.
  3. A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust - Yes.
  4. A friend is always there for you - Maybe, distance can be a problem.
  5. A friend tells you the truth - Most likely, but some tend to protect you form the truth at times.
  6. A friend doesn't turn others against you - Hopefully.
  7. A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you - Depends, what position did you put the friend in?
  8. A friend is happy with you and sad with you - Divides sorrow and doubles joy?
  9. A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments - Unless they are being honest about what you actually did.
All valid observatons. I didn't check numbers 4 and 5 on the poll because I honestly knew that, as you said, you can't always be there for your friend or he/she with you in every circumstance. And I believe friends understand and make allowances for that.

And I don't always tell my friend at least the whole truth when it would not benefit him/her in any way to know something hurtful, there is nothing he/she can do about it, and there is no ramification for him/her in not knowing. I generally am one who wants to know the truth even if painful, but there are those rare times that kindness is the higher road when the truth is not helpful.
 

Ernie S.

Diamond Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2010
Messages
34,702
Reaction score
9,175
Points
1,340
Location
Sweet Home Alabama
  1. A friend gives you benefit of the doubt - If it is a good friend, you probably don't have doubts.
  2. A friend asks for your side of the story - Usually if you are good friends they just tell you their side.
  3. A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust - Yes.
  4. A friend is always there for you - Maybe, distance can be a problem.
  5. A friend tells you the truth - Most likely, but some tend to protect you form the truth at times.
  6. A friend doesn't turn others against you - Hopefully.
  7. A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you - Depends, what position did you put the friend in?
  8. A friend is happy with you and sad with you - Divides sorrow and doubles joy?
  9. A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments - Unless they are being honest about what you actually did.
All valid observatons. I didn't check numbers 4 and 5 on the poll because I honestly knew that, as you said, you can't always be there for your friend or he/she with you in every circumstance. And I believe friends understand and make allowances for that.

And I don't always tell my friend at least the whole truth when it would not benefit him/her in any way to know something hurtful, there is nothing he/she can do about it, and there is no ramification for him/her in not knowing. I generally am one who wants to know the truth even if painful, but there are those rare times that kindness is the higher road when the truth is not helpful.
Years ago, I knew a man who was honest to a fault. He simply never lied, never sugar coated anything either. He didn't have a lot of close friends as a result, but he did command the respect of all who knew him.
I'd rather have close friends who will be brutally honest with me only when they must.
 
OP
Foxfyre

Foxfyre

Eternal optimist
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2007
Messages
56,543
Reaction score
20,096
Points
2,290
Location
Desert Southwest USA
  1. A friend gives you benefit of the doubt - If it is a good friend, you probably don't have doubts.
  2. A friend asks for your side of the story - Usually if you are good friends they just tell you their side.
  3. A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust - Yes.
  4. A friend is always there for you - Maybe, distance can be a problem.
  5. A friend tells you the truth - Most likely, but some tend to protect you form the truth at times.
  6. A friend doesn't turn others against you - Hopefully.
  7. A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you - Depends, what position did you put the friend in?
  8. A friend is happy with you and sad with you - Divides sorrow and doubles joy?
  9. A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments - Unless they are being honest about what you actually did.
All valid observatons. I didn't check numbers 4 and 5 on the poll because I honestly knew that, as you said, you can't always be there for your friend or he/she with you in every circumstance. And I believe friends understand and make allowances for that.

And I don't always tell my friend at least the whole truth when it would not benefit him/her in any way to know something hurtful, there is nothing he/she can do about it, and there is no ramification for him/her in not knowing. I generally am one who wants to know the truth even if painful, but there are those rare times that kindness is the higher road when the truth is not helpful.
Years ago, I knew a man who was honest to a fault. He simply never lied, never sugar coated anything either. He didn't have a lot of close friends as a result, but he did command the respect of all who knew him.
I'd rather have close friends who will be brutally honest with me only when they must.
I translate 'when they must' to 'when it can be beneficial'. You don't point out to a person that she has a run in her stocking or a stain on her blouse seconds before she goes out to make a speech. Such honesty is not kind or helpful.

There is nothing to gain about telling a person what some jerk said about him or her when it is of no importance and there is nothing anybody can do about it.

But if the information could be useful for the person in making a judgment or knowing who to hire or appoint or trust then yes, sometimes you tell them the brutal truth even when it hurts. If the person is engaging in destructive or foolish behavior, and it is appropriate to do so, a friend tells it like it is.
 

ChrisL

Diamond Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2014
Messages
83,563
Reaction score
21,970
Points
2,320
Location
Wherever the wild things are!!
There is little that enriches your life as much as being blessed with a true friend. And nothing is quite as hurtful as the betrayal of a friend. But what determines who is and who is not your friend? And who are simply acquaintances that enter your life by coincidence and exit your life the same way? How do you identify the true friends and those who are using you for their own purposes or who are pretending or who are deceiving you?

How do you identify the true friends and the fair weather or fraudulent friends who are not really friends at all? Or does it matter to you?

NOTE: This is intended as a philosophical discussion and is NOT targeted at any person in particular. If we could keep it that way, as well as civil, as much as possible, this would be much appreciated. I don't want this to end up in the Flame Zone pretty please.
I picked all except #4 and #5. The always being truthful thing is kind of questionable, because I know I've told friends white lies so as not to hurt their feelings before. Sometimes it's just unavoidable if you have a particularly sensitive friend and you don't want to get into a big production about something silly with them. :D

As for #5, I know that a lot of my friends are busy with their own lives, their families, their jobs or what not, so I don't expect them to always be there for me.
 

ChrisL

Diamond Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2014
Messages
83,563
Reaction score
21,970
Points
2,320
Location
Wherever the wild things are!!
  1. A friend gives you benefit of the doubt - If it is a good friend, you probably don't have doubts.
  2. A friend asks for your side of the story - Usually if you are good friends they just tell you their side.
  3. A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust - Yes.
  4. A friend is always there for you - Maybe, distance can be a problem.
  5. A friend tells you the truth - Most likely, but some tend to protect you form the truth at times.
  6. A friend doesn't turn others against you - Hopefully.
  7. A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you - Depends, what position did you put the friend in?
  8. A friend is happy with you and sad with you - Divides sorrow and doubles joy?
  9. A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments - Unless they are being honest about what you actually did.
All valid observatons. I didn't check numbers 4 and 5 on the poll because I honestly knew that, as you said, you can't always be there for your friend or he/she with you in every circumstance. And I believe friends understand and make allowances for that.

And I don't always tell my friend at least the whole truth when it would not benefit him/her in any way to know something hurtful, there is nothing he/she can do about it, and there is no ramification for him/her in not knowing. I generally am one who wants to know the truth even if painful, but there are those rare times that kindness is the higher road when the truth is not helpful.
Years ago, I knew a man who was honest to a fault. He simply never lied, never sugar coated anything either. He didn't have a lot of close friends as a result, but he did command the respect of all who knew him.
I'd rather have close friends who will be brutally honest with me only when they must.
I translate 'when they must' to 'when it can be beneficial'. You don't point out to a person that she has a run in her stocking or a stain on her blouse seconds before she goes out to make a speech. Such honesty is not kind or helpful.

There is nothing to gain about telling a person what some jerk said about him or her when it is of no importance and there is nothing anybody can do about it.

But if the information could be useful for the person in making a judgment or knowing who to hire or appoint or trust then yes, sometimes you tell them the brutal truth even when it hurts. If the person is engaging in destructive or foolish behavior, and it is appropriate to do so, a friend tells it like it is.
I've known people like that, the kind who it seems can't wait to deliver bad news to you or whatever, never have anything positive or nice to say to you, etc. With friends like those, who needs enemies? :)
 

Annie

Diamond Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2003
Messages
50,848
Reaction score
4,826
Points
1,790
  1. A friend gives you benefit of the doubt - If it is a good friend, you probably don't have doubts.
  2. A friend asks for your side of the story - Usually if you are good friends they just tell you their side.
  3. A friend keeps your confidences/doesn't violate your trust - Yes.
  4. A friend is always there for you - Maybe, distance can be a problem.
  5. A friend tells you the truth - Most likely, but some tend to protect you form the truth at times.
  6. A friend doesn't turn others against you - Hopefully.
  7. A friend doesn't try to cause trouble for you - Depends, what position did you put the friend in?
  8. A friend is happy with you and sad with you - Divides sorrow and doubles joy?
  9. A friend doesn't try to diminish your accomplishments - Unless they are being honest about what you actually did.
All valid observatons. I didn't check numbers 4 and 5 on the poll because I honestly knew that, as you said, you can't always be there for your friend or he/she with you in every circumstance. And I believe friends understand and make allowances for that.

And I don't always tell my friend at least the whole truth when it would not benefit him/her in any way to know something hurtful, there is nothing he/she can do about it, and there is no ramification for him/her in not knowing. I generally am one who wants to know the truth even if painful, but there are those rare times that kindness is the higher road when the truth is not helpful.
Years ago, I knew a man who was honest to a fault. He simply never lied, never sugar coated anything either. He didn't have a lot of close friends as a result, but he did command the respect of all who knew him.
I'd rather have close friends who will be brutally honest with me only when they must.
I translate 'when they must' to 'when it can be beneficial'. You don't point out to a person that she has a run in her stocking or a stain on her blouse seconds before she goes out to make a speech. Such honesty is not kind or helpful.

There is nothing to gain about telling a person what some jerk said about him or her when it is of no importance and there is nothing anybody can do about it.

But if the information could be useful for the person in making a judgment or knowing who to hire or appoint or trust then yes, sometimes you tell them the brutal truth even when it hurts. If the person is engaging in destructive or foolish behavior, and it is appropriate to do so, a friend tells it like it is.
I have 1 friend for 57 years; 3 more for 52 years; add another for 45 years; 3 more for 20 years. After them I have acquaintances. The close friends though, range now in age from 35-59, I've been blessed. Heck I'm not even counting family.

Internet friends, I'd say I have 1 that I trust. I do have many people I like.
 

Gracie

Diamond Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
64,383
Reaction score
23,376
Points
2,290
Location
Wandering Nomad
Always there for you=even if busy in real life, a phone call, a card, a text. Something just to let you know they SEE you. Like validation. It helps.

I have 4 real friends. Real. One of them I met online. They accept me as I am..flaws and all.

Been burned too many times to hold anyone too close any more. It hurts and makes my walls thicker. I prefer to wear armor at all times. The 4 friends I have....one of which is my husband...there is no need for armor.

If I count my current fur children...I have 6 friends. That's it. That's good enough.
 

Gracie

Diamond Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
64,383
Reaction score
23,376
Points
2,290
Location
Wandering Nomad
I would like to clarify for those online..here and other places. I consider many of them acquaintances in a very positive way. But it is hard to have the term "friend" applied to someone one has never really met. Real friends know all...the really dark places and the really light places within ones soul...and love you regardless. Online..how could they know? The one I met years ago...she knows it all. She is also in charge if and when something happens to Mr Gracie and myself. We trust her explicitly. And the same trust vice versa with us. There is ONE here that I would trust everything with, too. Angels&Demons. She is my soul sister.
 

Most reactions - Past 7 days

Forum List

Top