Actually what prompted this thread was somebody asking my counsel earlier today re how to handle a situation when somebody they really counted as a good friend no longer appears to be. And shortly on the heels of that conversation, in a completely unrelated discussion, I was hearing the story of somebody who felt like not only had their friend turned on her, but was actively trying to get others to turn on her too.
And I realized I not only understood, but could empathize with both based on my own experience over the years.
Probably we've all been rejected by somebody we wanted to be friends with. And we've probably all been falsely accused or seriously misunderstood at some point. And we've probably all had to deal with a back stabber at some point.
I just wondered how everybody else handles these situations. And how we choose our friends in the first place.
Hello Foxy,
Your observations in the third paragraph above, does happen. It is the nature of message-boards, where you have many people of diverse backgrounds represented. We all have more than one side to our personality and often all it takes is for one of those sides to offset another, in spite of the other sides being generally accepted. Some of us only bring one side to the public, here. Unless we are talking politics, I try to bring my civil side to the board. I call it, good manners.
In real life, with real relationships, usually all sides of a friend are considered, and one unwanted trait in them, will be ignored as the remaining traits we have liked in them, override any objections to the one we could do without.
I agree with Annie. I was told one time by a long time poster on another message-board, "never say anything to anyone you don't want to see repeated." Well, that sounded like sage advice but being the kind of person I am, I went against her advice as I later found just a
small handful of posters I thought
considered me their friend and for the right reasons and so I trusted them. I later, was turned on by them and it hurt.
My expectations of them, let me down. I let myself down by trusting the wrong people. But I did, live and learn and it was worth the price. I hold only myself accountable.
I don't see how friendships can form in this one-dimensional cyber space. Also,
favorite relationships here can fall and do, and often for unknown reasons. Those hurt the most. But nothing hurt more than to realize it was I, who caused it all, by believing in them, in the first place,
especially when I had had red flags all along. I am glad I learned a great lesson though. It has saved my hide since then and I have learned to stay with my instincts.
Since then also, I have followed Aristotle's wisdom, "Trust no one" and I have been much more content when posting on message-boards. I have learned it is rare to make cyber friends. The best one can expect is to enjoy
selected acquaintances and I do.
There is one I hold in my heart as I deeply admire her for she is an exceptional person in so many ways and when she hurts, I hurt. ( her real name and her username each end with an "e" and contain the letter o. )
Unless and until, I know someone in real life, the cyber-relationship will be superficial as it has no place to grow. Cyber space is all blue sky. No foundation. Once that is accepted, one is reborn with a clean slate and different perspective.
"To your every question, you are the answer. To your every problem you are the solution."
