Anything Goes Humor

[Enzomade]

 

[namvet]

true story. why is our water bill so high.......answer??

 

[JustAnotherNut]

true story. why is our water bill so high.......answer??

These reminded me of a cat I had growing up. He was a Siamese, and just a bit 'special'. He would sit on the toilet, but go in the garbage can next to it....and he was always so proud of himself for doing it.

 

[esthermoon]

 

[esthermoon]

 

[Wyld Kard]

 

[Abishai100]

Pan

I'm a big fan of turquoise and sapphire and like the fantasy-realm 'beauty-centric' fictional characters Mara (a water-nymph involved in terrorism intrigue from the 1980s paramilitary fantasy-adventure series G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero) and Tiger Lily (character from Barrie's fantasy-land Peter Pan adaptation Pan, portrayed by Rooney Mara), since they both come in that color.

What I need is a 'sapphire doll' to marry maybe.

Welcome to the Virtual Age (where really nothing is sarcastic)!

====

MARA: I'm a fan of the modern sitcoms Modern Family and 2 Broke Girls.
LILY: I like Sea Hunt.
MARA: Do you think mermaids have Internet?
LILY: Why? Are some looking to become 'mail-order-brides'?
MARA: Why not? WiFi makes anything possible...
LILY: Why not just get a vibrator?
MARA: I prefer swimming.
LILY: Maybe Peter Pan will marry you.
MARA: Does he have Netflix?

====

 

[Wyld Kard]

 

[Wyld Kard]

 

[bitter clinging swiftie]

 

[bitter clinging swiftie]

Bill Clinton was jogging one morning when he happened across a hooker that yelled out "hey bill, you can have this for $100" to which he replied, "no, $5). The next morning, bill saw the same hooker while jogging, and again she sai d"hey bill, $100" and he said again "anw, $5"....the third morning, hillary got up and said, "Im going with you", so as the hooker saw them jog past, she said " hey bill, see what you get for $5"

 

[miketx]

"Shoot Hillary twice"

So, after reading the above line, what is the question?

 

[bitter clinging swiftie]

why is there no longer a rose garden in the white house?
cuz Michelle dug it up and planted a watermelon patch!

 

[Hossfly]

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that, uh, that uh, thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again.

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, this guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.

What do you mean you want a divorce!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

Dang! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

 

[namvet]

 

[namvet]

 

[namvet]

 

[namvet]

 

[Bonzi]

 

[bitter clinging swiftie]

why did michael jackson like little girls?
because he could turn them over on their stomcah and have himself some little boys