Advice Needed: Birds & Bees

[Nienna]

I'm telling my daughter about sex this summer, before she goes to middle school. My poor little baby! Just the thought of it makes me squirm, but it has to be done. SO.... how did you tell your kids? Heard any good ideas from others? I'd really appreciate input!

 

[Said1]

My daughter is only 8 and I answer questions as they come up. I have yet to sit down and explain it to her from beginning to end, although I think she probably knows more than I think.

 

[liberalogic]

I'm telling my daughter about sex this summer, before she goes to middle school. My poor little baby! Just the thought of it makes me squirm, but it has to be done. SO.... how did you tell your kids? Heard any good ideas from others? I'd really appreciate input!

I wouldn't get too graphic...she probably knows more than you think. I don't think it's necessary to tell her how it's done, maybe just that she should wait until marriage.

 

[Nienna]

She knows what goes on inside a woman's body, about periods, and how the baby grows. These are things that came up as she has grown. I told her that God takes a piece from the mom, and a piece from the dad, and puts them together inside the mom's belly to grow. The part I have yet to explain is exactly HOW the piece from the dad gets inside the mom!

I've been asking "feeler" questions, and I really don't think she knows about sex. You never know what they hear on the playground or the bus, but I don't think she knows.

We bought a book today about body changes and personal hygiene. The sex part is the part I just don't want to explain, bc I just KNOW she is going to ask questions about me & Daddy, and... EW! But it has to be done. I want her to feel free to bring up any topic to me, and I will answer in an open manner.

 

[Nienna]

I wouldn't get too graphic...she probably knows more than you think. I don't think it's necessary to tell her how it's done, maybe just that she should wait until marriage.

Wait until marriage to tell her about sex?

 

[Said1]

She knows what goes on inside a woman's body, about periods, and how the baby grows. These are things that came up as she has grown. I told her that God takes a piece from the mom, and a piece from the dad, and puts them together inside the mom's belly to grow. The part I have yet to explain is exactly HOW the piece from the dad gets inside the mom!
I've been asking "feeler" questions, and I really don't think she knows about sex. You never know what they hear on the playground or the bus, but I don't think she knows.

We bought a book today about body changes and personal hygiene. The sex part is the part I just don't want to explain, bc I just KNOW she is going to ask questions about me & Daddy, and... EW! But it has to be done. I want her to feel free to bring up any topic to me, and I will answer in an open manner.

That's pretty much where we are. She knows it can't be done without a 'Dad' but hasn't asked why. Phew.

 

[liberalogic]

She knows what goes on inside a woman's body, about periods, and how the baby grows. These are things that came up as she has grown. I told her that God takes a piece from the mom, and a piece from the dad, and puts them together inside the mom's belly to grow. The part I have yet to explain is exactly HOW the piece from the dad gets inside the mom!

I've been asking "feeler" questions, and I really don't think she knows about sex. You never know what they hear on the playground or the bus, but I don't think she knows.

We bought a book today about body changes and personal hygiene. The sex part is the part I just don't want to explain, bc I just KNOW she is going to ask questions about me & Daddy, and... EW! But it has to be done. I want her to feel free to bring up any topic to me, and I will answer in an open manner.

How's this: When a man and a woman love each other, they seek to become closer to one another. Once they are married, they place their private parts in each other's bodies to achieve incredible sensations...the pleasure that they feel is reflective of the happiness that they bring one another in life. When they do this, the egg inside the woman's body is fertilized by a fluid called sperm, which is given off by the man. 9 months later, a baby is born.

This might seem a bit awkward, but I'm just trying to give you some ideas.

Also, I'd suggest that you don't make a huge deal about her bodily changes. It tends to embarrass kids. Let her read the book on her own and tell her that you're open to any questions.

 

[liberalogic]

Wait until marriage to tell her about sex?

LOL! No...I was just assuming that you'd tell her to wait until she is married to have sex.

 

[Nienna]

How's this: When a man and a woman love each other, they seek to become closer to one another. Once they are married, they place their private parts in each other's bodies to achieve incredible sensations...the pleasure that they feel is reflective of the happiness that they bring one another in life. When they do this, the egg inside the woman's body is fertilized by a fluid called sperm, which is given off by the man. 9 months later, a baby is born.

This might seem a bit awkward, but I'm just trying to give you some ideas.

Also, I'd suggest that you don't make a huge deal about her bodily changes. It tends to embarrass kids. Let her read the book on her own and tell her that you're open to any questions.

Thanks for the suggestions, LL!

 

[Joz]

I told both of my boys. The oldest was 10, the youngest a few months younger as he was asking questions.

First don't be or act embarrassed. If you behave that way, then they will definately pick up the vibe and wonder why. We've all gotten here the same way. It's God ordained. It should be treated as such.

And call the body parts by their correct names. You say private part and she might think boob, as they are private, too. It will confuse her.

Say a prayer and launch in. This is VERY important.
Tell her you think she's becoming grown up enough to be told this. Let her know what you're about to tell her is a big responsibility.

When a man and & woman fall in love, they get married. And when that love grows they want to have a baby. When they are ready, they hug and they kiss and they snuggle. Then they take off their clothes. As they continue to hug and kiss, the daddy takes his penis and places it inside the momma's vagina. And that is how the baby is made. That's all.

She may have questions and then she may want to soak all this in. This is quite the shock. And expect her to laugh & be embarrassed. Let her, but not you. She will probably ask you if that's what you & her daddy did. Be truthful. Tell her this is something that she is to discuss with only you & her father. The other parents may not have told their children yet, and you don't want the other kids to be upset.
You''ll be just fine.

P.S. I always kept the line of communication open with my boys. I told them that if they couldn't talk to me, who could they talk to. I was their mother.
And believe me, some of the questions I've had to answer! But we've talked about the responsibility of sex, abortion, unplanned pregnancies, the list goes on.

There is also a book called 'What is happening to my body?' One for girls, one for boys. They are wonderful! In fact, you could get both of them. When your daughter gets older, it won't hurt her to know how a man's body works.

 

[Joz]

You know, we all sit here & say yeah, our kids need to be taught sex, but when it comes to the actually 'telling' we seem to get very frustrated & embarrassed. (And this by no means is meant for anyone in particular) We teach our children to tie their shoes, catch a ball, & read, but when it comes to sex, we freeze.

It is an extremely intimate time between a man & a woman. Something that should not be discussed among friends. Sex talks are fine, but it's no one else's business the details of what goes on between you & your spouse. Not only sex, but other things, as well. If you are having problems then seek the help of a trusted counselor or advisor.
But this is an entirely different topic.

The attitudes we have towards sex start from day one. Parents don't seem to have problems with the diaper changing stage but as the baby turns to toddler and 'discoveries' are made, parents are faced with the reality that their child is a sexual being. It is difficult for a parent sometimes to realize this.
Nienna said, "My poor baby" :happy2: She realizes her daughter is becoming a woman. That can be alarming to a parent who has cared for their child. They have come to the realization that this child is going to grow up and leave their care. But that is how God designed it.

We teach our children to be honest, caring, sharing, responsible people. As a parent it is our responsibility to teach our children sex, as well. Not that Mommy thinks it's her 'duty' & that she'd rather cuddle or that Daddy withholds sex as apunishment (yes, they use that, too)
We need to teach our children that sex is special; that it is a privilege. And that it should be shared by 2 adult people in love; not something that you do with just anyone. It's not how you get a boyfriend.

Ann Landers did a survey to her readers. She asked the women to send in a postcard with either 'yes' or 'no' to the question, "Would you rather cuddle than do "the act"? From the 90,000 women who answered, 70% of the women said, "Yes". Aren't things amiss here?

We want our children to grow up & be happy adults. We want to see them fall in love, get married, have babies. We just don't want to know HOW they get those babies. Daddy's don't want to know what his daughter is doing with 'that man'; tho' it's okay for him to do 'it' with Mommy. If we can break the cycle; put our own problems/hangups aside to instruct our children, there would be far fewer affairs and unhappy marriages; there would be far less dyfunctional people [in the bedroom].

 

[Nienna]

Bump

 

[dmp]

This entire thread makes me horribly uncomfortable and I wish y'all would stop.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

A scene from the movie "Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life" comes to mind...

 

[Joz]

A scene from the movie "Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life" comes to mind...

Not exactly the example I was going for. :cof:

 

[Abbey Normal]

Almost any PG-13 movie, or about 5 minutes surfing the net would give her the basics.

Not exactly what you had in mind, I'm sure!

 

[Annie]

Like you, by the time my children were 8, they had the basics down regarding their own sex-proper names, what to expect, changes.

The summer before they started 4th grade, me and my then going on 9 year old, took a ride here, (I know, I'm lucky! ):

http://www.health-ed.org/

There we watched the program film, saw the 'models' which showed insides and out. It's quite comprehensive and if you check around the site, you understand that it's 'age appropriate.' There was no discussion at that point in time about premarital sex, condoms, anal sex, etc. The children were all comfortable and since it was so comprehensive, I didn't have to deal with 'those questions' for at least a week, they had enough answers, they couldn't come up with questions! (I see they've added an AIDs discussion, we missed that!)

What I didn't know at the time I took my daughter, is that their Catholic school and later found out our public schools (with my youngest son), take the 4th graders there for the same program, at the beginning of the year. The same occurs in our school, parents can 'opt out' for their kids, but most seem to like that their children get the basics, can ask questions.

I would say that if you have something like this in your area, utilize it. They gave my daughter a pamphlet on 'periods' and a kit to have, "When you need it." I had already discussed that with her, but she seemed to think it much more 'normal' and less embarrassing when a stranger acted like 'oh well, normal.'

I did follow up with my sons in around 7th grade, about why sex was NOT a good idea, regardless of what others might say. I warned them that others exaggerate and outright lie. I had found a good novel on that, but after searching my son's room, he either has it packed or tossed it. (He is nearly 21!)

 

[Nienna]

Thanks, Kathianne! That's exactly the kind of stuff I was looking for!

 

[Annie]

Thanks, Kathianne! That's exactly the kind of stuff I was looking for!

You're quite welcome! After reading what I wrote about my 'sons' in 7th, I wanted to say what I told my daughter. I can't remember the words, but it was to the effect that if you want others to talk about you with respect and treat you with respect, respect yourself.

I also warned her that girls in particular, can be cruel. They will spread 'rumors' that are in effect, bullying. The best way to combat that is to make your behavior such that people will not believe what is being said. It worked.

I was lucky, yeah I think I mostly did the right things, but still think I was 'lucky.' My children attended schools with a strong emphasis on success, which by definition looked down upon 'promiscuous' behavior. The oldest and youngest both signed onto virginity pledges in high school. I think they kept the pledge through that time period. I wouldn't presume to speak about after, as I've no clue. Both have been involved and broken off serious relationships during college.

All in all, I have to say their behavior was better than mine at their ages. I am proud of them, I did my part, but the choices were and are theirs.

 

[1549]

Thanks, Kathianne! That's exactly the kind of stuff I was looking for!

Oh don't worry, I am sure she would be just fine if she heard all the information during hallway and cafeteria conversations.:tng:

Do your children take sex education classes in school? I believe my first was in fourth grade. It was not a weekly or daily class, just 2 or 3 sessions. We learned about puberty, body parts, and AIDS. We learned the concept of protection but not how to use it...that had to wait until middle school.

I had an older brother, that sped up my education. When I was in second grade I desperately wanted to know what sex was. I would ask my mom: "is sex when two people kiss naked?" She would always respond with, "I will tell you when you are older".

Finally I asked my brother who was in middle school. He said "you have to stick your dick somewhere" (sorry for the vulgar language, but it completes the story). I said: "in her mouth?"...he laughed and said "that is a (you know what he said)". Then I said "in her vagina" and he nodded. In that brief conversation I became a very educated second grader.