Why do people think that polygamy is inherently abusive?

[Bonzi]

why is it always talked about from the view of the man with two wives or more....why not women with one or more hubbies.....it happens...

I have some experience with polyamory. There are plenty of women in relationships with two men. In fact, for the 40+ crowd, it makes more sense.

I have a hard time keeping up with 1.

Not sure why, if you want multiple partners, you would marry anyway (other than for tax, health insurance etc. reasons) -

 

[WinterBorn]

why is it always talked about from the view of the man with two wives or more....why not women with one or more hubbies.....it happens...

I have some experience with polyamory. There are plenty of women in relationships with two men. In fact, for the 40+ crowd, it makes more sense.

I have a hard time keeping up with 1.

Not sure why, if you want multiple partners, you would marry anyway (other than for tax, health insurance etc. reasons) -

I am not interested in marrying again, whether it be to one or more.

But I do believe that people (at least some people) are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Being able to express that love beyond the "BFF" kind of thing is when it gets tricky.

I know quite a few couples and triads that are happy as they can be living in a poly setting. I have no idea ho wmany would want to involve the state by marrying.

 

[Bonzi]

why is it always talked about from the view of the man with two wives or more....why not women with one or more hubbies.....it happens...

I have some experience with polyamory. There are plenty of women in relationships with two men. In fact, for the 40+ crowd, it makes more sense.

I have a hard time keeping up with 1.

Not sure why, if you want multiple partners, you would marry anyway (other than for tax, health insurance etc. reasons) -

I am not interested in marrying again, whether it be to one or more.

But I do believe that people (at least some people) are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Being able to express that love beyond the "BFF" kind of thing is when it gets tricky.

I know quite a few couples and triads that are happy as they can be living in a poly setting. I have no idea ho wmany would want to involve the state by marrying.

Everyone is different, but, emotionally, I think everyone really wants a soul-mate.
It's those that can't find one or realize a "soul-mate" is not really what they wanted or expected (maybe expect too much....?) may turn to multiples to try to satisfy their perceived needs....

 

[strollingbones]

i have no trouble with more than one man adoring me....at one time....seems natural to me....

emotions are the problem.....there is just never enough time....and people elect to get damn needy at the worse times...the testing is always there....to some degree

 

[WinterBorn]

why is it always talked about from the view of the man with two wives or more....why not women with one or more hubbies.....it happens...

I have some experience with polyamory. There are plenty of women in relationships with two men. In fact, for the 40+ crowd, it makes more sense.

I have a hard time keeping up with 1.

Not sure why, if you want multiple partners, you would marry anyway (other than for tax, health insurance etc. reasons) -

I am not interested in marrying again, whether it be to one or more.

But I do believe that people (at least some people) are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Being able to express that love beyond the "BFF" kind of thing is when it gets tricky.

I know quite a few couples and triads that are happy as they can be living in a poly setting. I have no idea ho wmany would want to involve the state by marrying.

Everyone is different, but, emotionally, I think everyone really wants a soul-mate.
It's those that can't find one or realize a "soul-mate" is not really what they wanted or expected (maybe expect too much....?) may turn to multiples to try to satisfy their perceived needs....

Many of the people I know have a "primary" and then "secondaries". The primary would be their "soul mate", and the others, while still meaningful relationships, are often outside the primary relationship. But some also form triads in which all are considered "soul mates".

As for expecting too much, yes that happens. But, if they are smart, they work thigs out beforehand, and everyone knows what to expect.

 

[strollingbones]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

 

[strollingbones]

seems to work better when the child bearing issues are out of the way

 

[Pedro de San Patricio]

Men own their wives and children.

It's just the natural order. ....

Do you realize how destructive your mindset has been in the history of our family/species?

why is it always talked about from the view of the man with two wives or more....why not women with one or more hubbies.....it happens...

Clearly religion is a factor. I was talking about polygamy in general - including polyandry - in the OP. One guy made it exclusively about an extremely backwards and sexist form of polygyny based on his religion.

I have a hard time keeping up with 1.

Not sure why, if you want multiple partners, you would marry anyway (other than for tax, health insurance etc. reasons) -

To form one unified family. Ideally it would be one relationship that just happens to include more than two people. There would still be love for every other participant. There would still be sharing of responsibilities and childcare. It wouldn't be any different than a healthy, happy monogamous arrangement except in number. Ideals aren't often reality though...

 

[Bonzi]

i have no trouble with more than one man adoring me....at one time....seems natural to me....

emotions are the problem.....there is just never enough time....and people elect to get damn needy at the worse times...the testing is always there....to some degree

Totally agree. Some people have more to give than others.
It's always easy to receive love -- giving back and making time... well.....

 

[WinterBorn]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

Not just asexual people, but anyone with a partner who enjoys things they do not. There are also people who have a very high libido, while their partner has a lower one.

The secret is to be open and honest within the group, and to avoid drama and jealousy.

 

[Bonzi]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

Not just asexual people, but anyone with a partner who enjoys things they do not. There are also people who have a very high libido, while their partner has a lower one.

The secret is to be open and honest within the group, and to avoid drama and jealousy.

I don't think there is EVER going to be NO jealousy or drama in a situation like that.....

 

[WinterBorn]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

Not just asexual people, but anyone with a partner who enjoys things they do not. There are also people who have a very high libido, while their partner has a lower one.

The secret is to be open and honest within the group, and to avoid drama and jealousy.

I don't think there is EVER going to be NO jealousy or drama in a situation like that.....

You would be surprised. Now, I am talking about expressed jealousy, not just a twinge inside someone. I know couples in which both have other romantic interests and partners. The question is does the negative jealousy outweigh the positive of seeing your partner happy.

 

[Bonzi]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

Not just asexual people, but anyone with a partner who enjoys things they do not. There are also people who have a very high libido, while their partner has a lower one.

The secret is to be open and honest within the group, and to avoid drama and jealousy.

I don't think there is EVER going to be NO jealousy or drama in a situation like that.....

You would be surprised. Now, I am talking about expressed jealousy, not just a twinge inside someone. I know couples in which both have other romantic interests and partners. The question is does the negative jealousy outweigh the positive of seeing your partner happy.

I think I am a "one person person" - I guess I don't like to see where people get to have their cake and eat it too ... I also think you are always going to "favor" someone over the other, or care more for them... it's never really 50/50.

 

[WinterBorn]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

Not just asexual people, but anyone with a partner who enjoys things they do not. There are also people who have a very high libido, while their partner has a lower one.

The secret is to be open and honest within the group, and to avoid drama and jealousy.

I don't think there is EVER going to be NO jealousy or drama in a situation like that.....

You would be surprised. Now, I am talking about expressed jealousy, not just a twinge inside someone. I know couples in which both have other romantic interests and partners. The question is does the negative jealousy outweigh the positive of seeing your partner happy.

I think I am a "one person person" - I guess I don't like to see where people get to have their cake and eat it too ... I also think you are always going to "favor" someone over the other, or care more for them... it's never really 50/50.

The best answer for whether you can love more than one person equally is your children. Yes, it is a different kind of love, but I love all 3 of my kids equally.

And if you can't love your two partners equally, does that mean you throw one away? If all 3 people involved are honest and ok with it, why would you not love someone? If I have my primary partner and I love her more, that does not mean I do not love my other partner.

 

[WinterBorn]

and normally asexual people like poly's takes the pressure off them

Not just asexual people, but anyone with a partner who enjoys things they do not. There are also people who have a very high libido, while their partner has a lower one.

The secret is to be open and honest within the group, and to avoid drama and jealousy.

I don't think there is EVER going to be NO jealousy or drama in a situation like that.....

You would be surprised. Now, I am talking about expressed jealousy, not just a twinge inside someone. I know couples in which both have other romantic interests and partners. The question is does the negative jealousy outweigh the positive of seeing your partner happy.

I think I am a "one person person" - I guess I don't like to see where people get to have their cake and eat it too ... I also think you are always going to "favor" someone over the other, or care more for them... it's never really 50/50.

I have no issue with people who only want one person. If that is how you are wired, then do what works.

 

[strollingbones]

i dont see why it matters to anyone what someone else is doing like this....but i have never felt the need to marry a man to fuck him.....simple as that...saved me a whole lotta trouble....

 

[Bonzi]

i dont see why it matters to anyone what someone else is doing like this....but i have never felt the need to marry a man to fuck him.....simple as that...saved me a whole lotta trouble....

Unless you are a Christian, marriage is nothing more than a legal "thing". If I were not a Christian, no marriage for me baby! LIVE IT UP!!!

 

[strollingbones]

arent you divorced?

 

[strollingbones]

being religious does not determine my morals you are aware of that....and there are people who are not christian who are moral

 

[Bonzi]

arent you divorced?

me? no. Do I act like it ? LOL!!! Only married once in my life. One and done.