Virginity (saving oneself for marriage)

[rightwinger]

Sex is not the keystone of a successful marriage. But passion for each other is critical. You are more than good friends who enjoy each others company. Sex is not dirty. Sex is part of the human relationship.
Prior to marriage you need to experience the passion. Know that you each have a need for each other

I also think you need a good fight. To see each other at their worst. To see how they react to conflict and stress. Are they violent? Are they cruel? Do they say things that shouldn't be said?

All needed for a successful marriage

 

[Delia]

I have never, for the life of me, understood why anyone holds virginity as some kind of virtue. To me, it is kind of like someone saying," Hire me for the job, because I have absolutely no expierience whatsoever."

That's hookers. Not wives.

 

[Foxfyre]

Agreeing pretty much with RW though I still recommend at least a ring and a date before there is sex. And if your religious faith or other values dictate waiting until the wedding night, that is fine too. In fact it demonstrates to each other that they can trust the other to have self control.

I think RW is right too that it is wise to observe your significant other at full anger at least once. If he or she loses control, that is a huge red warning flag. And if he or she strikes you or is emotionally or verbally abusive at any point, that is a deal breaker. If your beloved is abusive during courtship, no matter how remorseful or apologetic he or she may be, the chances of that getting anything but worse after marriage is slim to none.

 

[texasbadger]

This is the Religion and Ethics section of the forum, right? I've hardly seen a word in 7 pages about religion. The Bible, maybe surprisingly to some, with all its "Thou shalt nots" in terms of adultery and various relatives, members of the same sex, beasts, etc., has a conspicuous absence of prohibition of sex before marriage. About the only thing it says regarding virginity is the guy has to marry the girl whose cherry he pops.

Also, the elephant in the room that not much has been said about is the double standard - it's different for guys than for girls.

Like several others have said in here, I've seen a huge change in social and moral outlook in my time - both society's and my own. I will just say this regarding virginity: it ranks pretty far down the line of valuable characteristics. A virginal attitude is far more attractive than physical virginity. Also, the whole sexual compatibility thing is overrated. It is an acquired thing that follows love and kindness.

 

[Delia]

"And ethics."

Also, I said 'different for boys than girls' in the OP.

 

[Vandalshandle]

I have never, for the life of me, understood why anyone holds virginity as some kind of virtue. To me, it is kind of like someone saying," Hire me for the job, because I have absolutely no expierience whatsoever."

That's hookers. Not wives.

I'm sure that you think that I am being flip. In reality, I mean what I am saying. I married at 20, and my wife and I had little sex experience. Our sex life was terrible, but I had nothing to compare it to. It lasted for over 6 years, and my frustration was terrible. It wasn't until after the divorce that I discovered that nobody else was living the way we were. In fact, as the years went by, and I accumulated knowledge and experience, I came to realize that she was clinically frigid. Years later, I talked to someone who had remained close to her, and was told that her next husband had it even worse than I did, and he put up with it for decades.

I would not have wanted my child to go into marriage blind, like I did.

 

[Delia]

I have never, for the life of me, understood why anyone holds virginity as some kind of virtue. To me, it is kind of like someone saying," Hire me for the job, because I have absolutely no expierience whatsoever."

That's hookers. Not wives.

I'm sure that you think that I am being flip. In reality, I mean what I am saying. I married at 20, and my wife and I had little sex experience. Our sex life was terrible, but I had nothing to compare it to. It lasted for over 6 years, and my frustration was terrible. It wasn't until after the divorce that I discovered that nobody else was living the way we were. In fact, as the years went by, and I accumulated knowledge and experience, I came to realize that she was clinically frigid. Years later, I talked to someone who had remained close to her, and was told that her next husband had it even worse than I did, and he put up with it for decades.

I would not have wanted my child to go into marriage blind, like I did.

I am truly sorry you got so badly burned. Situations like yours (like my aunt's) are pretty much why I started this thread.

 

[NoNukes]

Its not endearing to refer to your wife as "the cow"

I'm good looking, I've never had to be nice.

I am good looking and nice. When I was single, that counted for a lot.

 

[Noomi]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

I think it depends. Not everyone wants to get married, and not everyone meets the right person.
I am unsure if I will ever get married, but sometimes I think I should wait until marriage, because then I won't get stuck with a stupid jerk like the guy who just dumped me.

It also depends on what you think about virginity. For me, it is the most precious thing I own and I value it with my life. You have gotta be some really extra special person for me to willing trust you with it.

 

[editec]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

Depends.

Were you married at 16?

 

[ima]

I was.

So how long did it take you two to start cheating, or wanting to?

 

[NoNukes]

Yes. In any poll I would answer I would certainly say that sex and intimacy--those are not necessarily the same thing--are very important. But I also am pretty darn sure that if a couple shares common values, goals, mutual respect, faithfulness, and love, that intimacy takes care of itself. It is the lack of those other things that most commonly erodes intimacy and begins to break down the foundations of the marriage.

If one partner has a diminished libido and the other doesn't, that is incompatibility. And while not unheard of, it is pretty uncommon. But if your partner is your best friend and you share those values, goals, and mutual respect, you learn each other's preferences and teach each other how to have a great time in the sack. And part of the fun is working all that out. Too often those just looking for a compatible place to put it skip all the necessary components that go into a lasting and satisfying marriage.

That runs on the assumption that in general, your partner will want the same thing in sex that you want. Someone can be my best friend, but that doesnt mean they will automatically crave what I crave and vise versa. There are a million and one sexual kinks in the world, just because I love someone and they are my best friend doesn't mean I would try most of them to make my partner happy.

That happens when people are compatible as well. What if she's in 'rough rider' mode, and he's wanting to 'make love?'

Are you a rough rider often?

 

[Mad Scientist]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

My oldest son waited until he was married and him and his wife are doing just fine with a son of their own.

My youngest son continues to "play the field" but has yet to meet anyone he'd marry and seems to be well, not too happy with his life. Just my opinion from the looks of it.

 

[Foxfyre]

I have never, for the life of me, understood why anyone holds virginity as some kind of virtue. To me, it is kind of like someone saying," Hire me for the job, because I have absolutely no expierience whatsoever."

That's hookers. Not wives.

I'm sure that you think that I am being flip. In reality, I mean what I am saying. I married at 20, and my wife and I had little sex experience. Our sex life was terrible, but I had nothing to compare it to. It lasted for over 6 years, and my frustration was terrible. It wasn't until after the divorce that I discovered that nobody else was living the way we were. In fact, as the years went by, and I accumulated knowledge and experience, I came to realize that she was clinically frigid. Years later, I talked to someone who had remained close to her, and was told that her next husband had it even worse than I did, and he put up with it for decades.

I would not have wanted my child to go into marriage blind, like I did.

It is always difficult when the husband or wife has a higher libido than the spouse. While one or the other may want to make love more than other at any given time, and I believe every word you typed here, that is usually not a serious problem and gets worked out pretty easily between two people who love each other.

In your case it most likely wasn't your fault and no amount of experience would have made a difference, but in most cases a disinterested husband is created by a verbally abusive or otherwise difficult personality in a wife. Most frigidity in women comes from guys who are only interested in a warm place to put it and are too stupid or insensitive to pay attention or care about her needs. When there is love and mutual desire to please each other, it gets worked out.

 

[M.D. Rawlings]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

Those who honor God, know the answer to these questions. Those who don't, imagine all sorts of nonsense.

 

[ima]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

Those who honor God, know the answer to these questions. Those who don't, imagine all sorts of nonsense.

But Adam and Eve weren't married. Is that why they were thrown out of eden, for having pre-marital sex?

 

[M.D. Rawlings]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

Those who honor God, know the answer to these questions. Those who don't, imagine all sorts of nonsense.

But Adam and Eve weren't married. Is that why they were thrown out of eden, for having pre-marital sex?

Of course they were married . . . by God Himself. The reason for their expulsion was not related to sex as such at all.

 

[High_Gravity]

I have never, for the life of me, understood why anyone holds virginity as some kind of virtue. To me, it is kind of like someone saying," Hire me for the job, because I have absolutely no expierience whatsoever."

That's hookers. Not wives.

I'm sure that you think that I am being flip. In reality, I mean what I am saying. I married at 20, and my wife and I had little sex experience. Our sex life was terrible, but I had nothing to compare it to. It lasted for over 6 years, and my frustration was terrible. It wasn't until after the divorce that I discovered that nobody else was living the way we were. In fact, as the years went by, and I accumulated knowledge and experience, I came to realize that she was clinically frigid. Years later, I talked to someone who had remained close to her, and was told that her next husband had it even worse than I did, and he put up with it for decades.

I would not have wanted my child to go into marriage blind, like I did.

I got married young at 19, I wasn't a virgin going in but had very little experience, it was the biggest mistake I ever made. We lasted 5 years, the last 2 being utter hell.

 

[High_Gravity]

What do you feel are the pros and cons of doing so? Can not waiting have a negative impact on the marriage?

I did choose to wait, but I was blessed to be in a relationship with a man who was on the exact same page as I was. We are also blessed because it turns out we are perfectly compatible.

Further! would you advise your daughter to wait?

What about your son.

I think it depends. Not everyone wants to get married, and not everyone meets the right person.
I am unsure if I will ever get married, but sometimes I think I should wait until marriage, because then I won't get stuck with a stupid jerk like the guy who just dumped me.

It also depends on what you think about virginity. For me, it is the most precious thing I own and I value it with my life. You have gotta be some really extra special person for me to willing trust you with it.

Your a virgin Noomi?

 

[High_Gravity]

If everyone in our generation kept the commandment of chastity before marriage and fidelity afterwards, we would wipe out EVERY STD in our generation. We would have significant less crime and mental health problems because the broken home contributes big time to both of those problems.

Imagine what we could also occur if men would flee from pornography and step up to the call of father hood while their wives stepped up to their call to motherhood. We would all be wealthier and more prosperous.

There would be significantly less lawyers. We wouldn't need them as much. Can anyone deny that would be a good thing? There would be less money spent by the government to maintain the courts. Medical costs would be less.

We could focus our resources onto more important things.

The world would be pretty darn sweet. We could unlock the potential of a lot of people who are now currently stuck in non-productive jobs.

The world you are describing just isn't realistic, do you know how many married couples are cheating on each other? just being married does not protect you from STD's.

When I read her post, lovely as it sounded, I have to admit it reminded me of Pleasantville. Did you see that movie?

No I haven't, I thought Avatar was a guy?