Virginity (saving oneself for marriage)

[ArmyCowboy]

I would say that sex won't ever 'make' a marriage, but it can certainly wreck it.

Exactly. Anytime you see polls or stats on reasons for divorce, intimacy is always in the top.

Great sex can't save a marriage, but no sex is a great way to lead to divorce.

I thought fighting over money was #1.

I never said sexual incompatibility was the leading cause for divorce, I just said it was a way to wreck a marriage, which it is.

 

[AmyNation]

I would say that sex won't ever 'make' a marriage, but it can certainly wreck it.

Exactly. Anytime you see polls or stats on reasons for divorce, intimacy is always in the top.

Great sex can't save a marriage, but no sex is a great way to lead to divorce.

I thought fighting over money was #1.

Typically.

 

[Delia]

Oh, sorry; you said 'in.' I thought you said 'at.'

 

[Foxfyre]

Sometimes. Not in every marriage, but I would venture to say most. Also, you rather sidestepped my question.

I would say that sex won't ever 'make' a marriage, but it can certainly wreck it.

Exactly. Anytime you see polls or stats on reasons for divorce, intimacy is always in the top.

Great sex can't save a marriage, but no sex is a great way to lead to divorce.

I disagree. In every statistic I've seen, in every poll I've seen, sexual incompatibility rarely made it into the top five reasons for divorce.

The most common things found among the top three:
Infidelity
Money
Physical, emotional, or psychological abuse
Growing apart/different values/loss of respect

Any and all of these things can affect intimacy. But the fact is that the initial raw passion does cool over time, though sex can be and for many couples is precious and special all the way into the sixties, seventies, eighties. Raw passion or great sex is one of the worst reasons to get married.

 

[ArmyCowboy]

I would say that sex won't ever 'make' a marriage, but it can certainly wreck it.

Exactly. Anytime you see polls or stats on reasons for divorce, intimacy is always in the top.

Great sex can't save a marriage, but no sex is a great way to lead to divorce.

I disagree. In every statistic I've seen, in every poll I've seen, sexual incompatibility rarely made it into the top five reasons for divorce.

The most common things found among the top three:
Infidelity
Money
Physical, emotional, or psychological abuse
Growing apart/different values/loss of respect

Any and all of these things can affect intimacy. But the fact is that the initial raw passion does cool over time, though sex can be and for many couples is precious and special all the way into the sixties, seventies, eighties. Raw passion or great sex is one of the worst reasons to get married.

What do you think the leading cause of infidelity is?

 

[NoNukes]

I think you're ignoring nature and imagination.

Also, the question occurs; how much of marriage is actually sex?

It is a very important part of a relationship.

Sometimes. Not in every marriage, but I would venture to say most. Also, you rather sidestepped my question.

I said it was very important, do you need a percentage or something?

 

[AmyNation]

Infidelity is often an intimacy issue.


I could pull up some polls that agree with my position, but I don't really see the point. If sex isnt an important part of your relationship, it isn't.


BTW, I've also seen polls that say upwards of 70% of married couples list sex as "very important" in their relationship.

 

[ArmyCowboy]

Infidelity is often an intimacy issue.


I could pull up some polls that agree with my position, but I don't really see the point. If sex isnt an important part of your relationship, it isn't.


BTW, I've also seen polls that say upwards of 70% of married couples list sex as "very important" in their relationship.

This is true.

As I always say, "Why go out for milk when you have a cow at home."

However, when the cow fails to produce the milk.....

 

[AmyNation]

Its not endearing to refer to your wife as "the cow"

 

[Foxfyre]

Infidelity is often an intimacy issue.


I could pull up some polls that agree with my position, but I don't really see the point. If sex isnt an important part of your relationship, it isn't.


BTW, I've also seen polls that say upwards of 70% of married couples list sex as "very important" in their relationship.

Yes. In any poll I would answer I would certainly say that sex and intimacy--those are not necessarily the same thing--are very important. But I also am pretty darn sure that if a couple shares common values, goals, mutual respect, faithfulness, and love, that intimacy takes care of itself. It is the lack of those other things that most commonly erodes intimacy and begins to break down the foundations of the marriage.

If one partner has a diminished libido and the other doesn't, that is incompatibility. And while not unheard of, it is pretty uncommon. But if your partner is your best friend and you share those values, goals, and mutual respect, you learn each other's preferences and teach each other how to have a great time in the sack. And part of the fun is working all that out. Too often those just looking for a compatible place to put it skip all the necessary components that go into a lasting and satisfying marriage.

 

[ArmyCowboy]

Its not endearing to refer to your wife as "the cow"

I'm good looking, I've never had to be nice.

 

[Delia]

................

 

[AmyNation]

Infidelity is often an intimacy issue.


I could pull up some polls that agree with my position, but I don't really see the point. If sex isnt an important part of your relationship, it isn't.


BTW, I've also seen polls that say upwards of 70% of married couples list sex as "very important" in their relationship.

Yes. In any poll I would answer I would certainly say that sex and intimacy--those are not necessarily the same thing--are very important. But I also am pretty darn sure that if a couple shares common values, goals, mutual respect, faithfulness, and love, that intimacy takes care of itself. It is the lack of those other things that most commonly erodes intimacy and begins to break down the foundations of the marriage.

If one partner has a diminished libido and the other doesn't, that is incompatibility. And while not unheard of, it is pretty uncommon. But if your partner is your best friend and you share those values, goals, and mutual respect, you learn each other's preferences and teach each other how to have a great time in the sack. And part of the fun is working all that out. Too often those just looking for a compatible place to put it skip all the necessary components that go into a lasting and satisfying marriage.

That runs on the assumption that in general, your partner will want the same thing in sex that you want. Someone can be my best friend, but that doesnt mean they will automatically crave what I crave and vise versa. There are a million and one sexual kinks in the world, just because I love someone and they are my best friend doesn't mean I would try most of them to make my partner happy.

 

[Delia]

Infidelity is often an intimacy issue.


I could pull up some polls that agree with my position, but I don't really see the point. If sex isnt an important part of your relationship, it isn't.


BTW, I've also seen polls that say upwards of 70% of married couples list sex as "very important" in their relationship.

Yes. In any poll I would answer I would certainly say that sex and intimacy--those are not necessarily the same thing--are very important. But I also am pretty darn sure that if a couple shares common values, goals, mutual respect, faithfulness, and love, that intimacy takes care of itself. It is the lack of those other things that most commonly erodes intimacy and begins to break down the foundations of the marriage.

If one partner has a diminished libido and the other doesn't, that is incompatibility. And while not unheard of, it is pretty uncommon. But if your partner is your best friend and you share those values, goals, and mutual respect, you learn each other's preferences and teach each other how to have a great time in the sack. And part of the fun is working all that out. Too often those just looking for a compatible place to put it skip all the necessary components that go into a lasting and satisfying marriage.

That runs on the assumption that in general, your partner will want the same thing in sex that you want. Someone can be my best friend, but that doesnt mean they will automatically crave what I crave and vise versa. There are a million and one sexual kinks in the world, just because I love someone and they are my best friend doesn't mean I would try most of them to make my partner happy.

That happens when people are compatible as well. What if she's in 'rough rider' mode, and he's wanting to 'make love?'

 

[Foxfyre]

The number one advice I would give to any couple contemplating marriage is to respect one another. Compliment in public. Criticize (gently) in private. Never expect your spouse to be a good sport when you crack insulting or belittling jokes at his/her expense. Never do something that will affect him/her without consulting him/her first whenever possible. And if it is something important and you both don't agree, you don't do it. Be nice, thoughtful, kind, and considerate of each other at all times.

Do that, and your sex life and intimacy will almost certainly never be a problem. And your friends will think you are the luckiest person in the world. Which will be true.

 

[AmyNation]

Yes. In any poll I would answer I would certainly say that sex and intimacy--those are not necessarily the same thing--are very important. But I also am pretty darn sure that if a couple shares common values, goals, mutual respect, faithfulness, and love, that intimacy takes care of itself. It is the lack of those other things that most commonly erodes intimacy and begins to break down the foundations of the marriage.

If one partner has a diminished libido and the other doesn't, that is incompatibility. And while not unheard of, it is pretty uncommon. But if your partner is your best friend and you share those values, goals, and mutual respect, you learn each other's preferences and teach each other how to have a great time in the sack. And part of the fun is working all that out. Too often those just looking for a compatible place to put it skip all the necessary components that go into a lasting and satisfying marriage.

That runs on the assumption that in general, your partner will want the same thing in sex that you want. Someone can be my best friend, but that doesnt mean they will automatically crave what I crave and vise versa. There are a million and one sexual kinks in the world, just because I love someone and they are my best friend doesn't mean I would try most of them to make my partner happy.

That happens when people are compatible as well. What if she's in 'rough rider' mode, and he's wanting to 'make love?'

Moods shift, but what you enjoy and what you don't, typically doesn't.

 

[Foxfyre]

That runs on the assumption that in general, your partner will want the same thing in sex that you want. Someone can be my best friend, but that doesnt mean they will automatically crave what I crave and vise versa. There are a million and one sexual kinks in the world, just because I love someone and they are my best friend doesn't mean I would try most of them to make my partner happy.

That happens when people are compatible as well. What if she's in 'rough rider' mode, and he's wanting to 'make love?'

Moods shift, but what you enjoy and what you don't, typically doesn't.

In a bad marriage or relationship, self gratification is paramount and generally doesn't last long. In a good marriage or relationship with somebody you love, your mutual goal is to make the other happy, and you learn how to do that so that both of you receive maximum enjoyment. And generally that takes awhile to accomplish.

If unacceptable kinkiness is to be part of the equation, that should be talked out before you ever get in the sack with somebody in the first place.

 

[ima]

So let's get back on topic: so am I right to deduce that no one here was a virgin when they got married?

 

[Delia]

I was.

 

[Vandalshandle]

I have never, for the life of me, understood why anyone holds virginity as some kind of virtue. To me, it is kind of like someone saying," Hire me for the job, because I have absolutely no expierience whatsoever."