The Mindless Thread

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

ON A WORLD FAR FAR AWAY THERE WAS ONCE .................NAH !

 

[Michelle420]

I'm having brain fog. What is a good word to describe empower & restore together?

 

[App'z]

I went to sign my Dog up for welfare. Lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare".
I explained to her that, "My Dog is a mix in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and
has no frigging clue who his Daddy is."

"He expects me to feed him, provide him with housing and medical care
and feel guilty because he is a dog."
She looks in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My Dog gets his first check Friday.
_____________________________________________
THIS IS A GREAT COUNTRY!

 

[App'z]

I'm having brain fog. What is a good word to describe empower & restore together?

Disassembled

Believe everything you hear from word of mouth or the pen.
Never believe you been fooled. U R here to stick doggedly to
the Course. Remember you are basically just a walker following
Another Clown down an endless trail of hunter - gatherer. The
first fool that decided to plant grass seed wrecked everything.
But since you have entered the Ants Domaine of eminent circling
following endless line of cars ahead of you its break or no break. .....

 

[Michelle420]

Disassembled

Believe everything you hear from word of mouth or the pen.
Never believe you been fooled. U R here to stick doggedly to
the Course. Remember you are basically just a walker following
Another Clown down an endless trail of hunter - gatherer. The
first fool that decided to plant grass seed wrecked everything.
But since you have entered the Ants Domaine of eminent circling
following endless line of cars ahead of you its break or no break. .....

mortal life is but a dream (hypnotic suggestion) but onward and upward "anew"

 

[App'z]

Lil Johnny loves peas but is having health issues.
He goes to the doc and after the exam Doc asks,
"Lil Johnny what do you usuall eat for your diet?"
Lil Johnny says, "I love Peas? Eat peas every day."
"Lil Johnny You have to give up on the peas and
eat a balanced diet."

Johnny goes for many man years and one evening in
a Bar he is doing Pitchers of beers with the 12 or so pole
dancers / wet tee shirt girls.
__________________________________________
I forget the punch line but it had something
to not doing a Pee for over 30 years and
all the hotties blowing out the back door of the bar.

 

[App'z]

I warned the landlord that we had tons of ants and he said, "We cannot kill all of them. We can't outsmart all of those left. They have been here since forever and much longer than us. They will find a way to stay!
----------------------------------------------------
JHC, I JUST DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEIR WOMEN!

 

[App'z]

Your purr fict tool buddy!

 

[App'z]

The little old guy starts having trouble hearing and
goes to the doctor.....says. "Doc, I'm having problems hearing!"

Doctor says "Lets check it out."
Doc looks into the ear with his flash light and says,
"There's a foreign object in there."

Doc takes his tweezers and pulls it out.......
Doc says to the old Guy,
"It's a suppository!!"

Old Geezer sees it, thinks a bit, asks the Doc,
"Can I use your phone? I should call the wife.
_________________________________________
CAN YOU GUESS WHERE THE HEARING AID and battery is?

__________________
MOST LIKELY THE SAND HAS RUN DOWN !

 

[Michelle420]

 

[App'z]

One day that Bossy SOB's gonna be replaced by an Ai !

 

[App'z]

_______________________________________________________________________________
an thas all I got to say about that.

 

[App'z]

I observe the Relative and their ladies talking during the Easter day Gathering.
I eat good, smile a lot and say little, maybe small talk to a youngster wanting to hunt eggs.
Later, It seems to help give me a good night sleep! So, its rapidly building again for 2024.
__________________________________________________ _______________________
The change of seasons seem to have been elongated this year, it would seem.

 

[App'z]

Dr. is making his evening rounds at the local town Clinic.
He steps into a room and sees the worst case of Sunburn on the guy.

Well, the Dr exclaims, “how can I be of help?
the miserable squirming guy says, “ ya gotta help me!”
”The pain, O, God, help me for the pain!

So Dr. thinks and writes out ****** and
gives the patient the prescription.

The guy incredulously screams,
”How the hell can this help the sunburn, the Pain!”

Dr. says, “ it can’t but the sheet cant touch the sunburn either”
__________________________________________________
Not everyone gets that joke unless they are squirming in absolute misery
CHANCES ARE THE SAND'S RUN DOWN NOW :

 

[App'z]

Ron, the Holidays are upon us and it's with a sad and
heavy heart that I must hand you this Severances slip.

I wish you the best in the future at whatever you choose,
may you always retain your excellence!

Best of luck in these trying times of unemployment and
inflation/high interest rates. Go on.
_____________________________________________
For a few moments that seemed cruel. Then it sunk in.

 

[App'z]

Lil Johnny says, "There are 3 women with ice creams:
One is licking it. One is Biting it and one is sucking on it.
Which 1 is married?

Answer; I guess it’s the lady who is sucking on the ice cream.
I admire the way you think but It’s the one with the wedding ring!
_____________________________________________________________________
I got nothing!

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

There is an ad posted on the office window of an accounting firm :
"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute.
Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."

So this Big dog's Wagging its tail outside the office.
It has noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position.

The employer takes one look at the dog, shakes his head and says, "I can't hire a dog."
The Very Large Dog points at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad.

So the employer says, "OK, can you type this document?"
and gives the dog a letter. The dog types everything correctly and
neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.

Flustered, the employer says, "Can you put these figures into spreadsheet and
make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and
give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gives the dog some documents.

The dog completes the spreadsheet, the program,
the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.

The employer shakes his head,
points at the ad and says, "But are you bilingual?"


The dog says "Meow!"
______________________
I PUSHES THE GROAN BUTTON FOR ALL!
__________________________
I bought a new brand of deodorant. The instructions say, "remove top, push up bottom".
I'm not sure about body odor but I pass flatulence a lot better now. .....

__________________
MOST LIKELY THE SAND HAS RUN DOWN !

 

[App'z]

Are you really sure you want to bring this on yourself ? Lets do a jar of prunes and ask your visiting nurse to come back in a couple of days.