Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
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- Banned
- #1
When I was a young lad I had the great privilege of being selected as one of several students from my school district to travel to Washington DC to visit the White House. Bill Clinton was in office at the time. Dad tried to stop me, saying “Boy, don’t you know that those damned Clintons are mixed up in some dark shit!?!?!? I don’t want you around those people!!” But in the end, I managed to convince dad using reason. There is no way that they would pull any shenanigans when school kids are visiting. They would have to be on their best behavior!
The time finally came for the trip. It was in the springtime and the Japanese Yoshito cherry bushes were in full bloom! It was glorious!! I had buddied up with a young dandy I met on the flight named Pablo. We did all sorts of things together during the trip. In fact, we had a full day to sightsee before even going to the White House.
The next day we went for the White House tour. We were met at the front door by some vile skank named Dee Dee Myers. She presented herself as female, though I am quite sure I caught the whiff of a sustained case of jock itch, as well as a thick “lump” up front, if you know what I am saying.
We were taken here and there, to and fro, examining every nook and cranny of the White House. It was absolutely mesmerizing! Unfortunately, Pablo did not enjoy it as much as I did because various Clinton Staffers kept touching him.
At one point, Dee Dee said, “Oh, hey kids!! Look!! It’s White House Counsel, Mr. Vincent Foster!” We all turned to see this gaunt man with shifty eyes who was sweating profusely. Dee Dee said to him, “Hey there, Vince! My, you aren’t looking too good. Maybe you should go for a walk to get some fresh air. We don’t want you giving up the ghost too soon, do we? Ha ha ha ha!!!”
Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a dark shadowy creature withdrawing into a room at the end of the hall. I half thought I was seeing things. Ghosts of famous people have been known to haunt these halls, like President Lincoln. But this was different. This phantom I just saw projected a nefarious vibe.
As I was pondering this strange apparition, I heard Myers say, “Oh Wow, kids. This is your lucking day!! Here comes Attorney General, Janet Reno!!!” I turned to look. I involuntarily shrieked like a teen scream queen at a horror movie on Friday night. “AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEHHHH!!!!!!!!”, I let loose at the sight of this lumbering monstrosity in a skirt walking with a mannish gait right for us!!
It was a fucking man in a dress!!!! I turned and ran down the hall in fear of my life and mental soundness. As I neared the end of the hall, I heard a voice call out to me, “Hey kid!! In here!!!”. I dove in through the door to escape the mad tranny. The door then closed behind me, shut by a grotesque cackling corpse of a man with a big jack-o-lantern head. He looked like Jack Skellington on a bad acid trip. I recoiled in abject horror.
It said to me, “Oh, don’t be scared, you little pecker!! Ima not goona hurt ya!, But see that guy over there? He may!! Ha ha ha ha ha hah!!!!!!!” His pointed with his bony finger to a man sitting across the room on a couch. He was bare-assed naked. The scene in that room was so bizarre and surreal, full of the macabre specter of doom, that I thought I was going mad. Then the man on the couch stood up. As I suspected, he was completely nude. He looked at the grotesque monstrosity next to me and said, “Get the fuck out of here George!! You are scaring the kid!!!” The gross abominable creature did as it was told, slowly slinking away into the shadows. He did not leave the room. He just sort of was absorbed into the darkness of the shadowy corners in the room.
Of course, I would later come to learn that the deranged goblin was George Carville. Believe me, as heinous as he looks on TV, that is nothing like seeing him in person. See, I had been an atheist up until that point. But upon seeing that sick monster I knew there had to be a Hell. And if there is a Hell, then there has to be a Heaven, and a God.
The chubby nude guy then beckoned me over to the couch. I was hesitant. I was afraid this was going to turn into a Chis Hansen moment and I wanted no part of it. Suddenly, I caught movement out of my right eye. It was that damn shadow person I had caught sight of in the hallway outside, before the tall tranny scared the shit out of me!!
Then it dawned on me. I saw that apparition faded away into a room down the hall. It was … THIS ROOM. I got a case of the cold shills.
The dark vision came swirling out of the gloom like a windblown cobweb, turning and dancing through the air, not even touching the floor. I could not tell if it was solid or mist. Then suddenly it stopped spinning and formed the black silhouette of a grotesque troll. I am thinking, “Oh shit. Here we go again. When I get back to Pablo I am going to beat the unholy shit out of that fucking beaner for slipping me some bad mushrooms last night.”
The ghost then solidified. Its ghastly head lifted and it walked out of the shadows. I could not believe my eyes. I cringed at the sight of … THE THING that stood before me. I wanted to die. Nobody should be subjected to such gender-bending terror that one found in the Clinton White House.
The THING stepped forward and spoke. “Good evening. I am Hillary Clinton”. The name drop did nothing for me, as I was still in shock at how ugly this bitch was. It seemed rather put-off and insulted that I did not immediately quiver with excitement the moment I heard her name. In fact, I knew who she was. She was the oversized anchor dragging down the entire Clinton administration.
And if THE THING is Hillary, then the naked dude on the couch had to be William “Wild Bill” Clinton. I looked in his direction. He was now lying on the couch, smoking a doob and playing with himself. In my bid to save my life I opted for the lesser of two evils.
“Mr. President?”, I asked. Bill sat up and looked at me. “What can I do ya fo, my boy? Come on over here and sit on your uncle Bill’s lap”, he said as he held out his arms.
“Uh, no, that’s ok, Mr. President. I will stay over here. But you can do something for me. Can you ring up Ms. Dee Dee and tell her to come in here and get me?”, I asked.
Just then Hillary grabbed me with her bony arms and hissed, “I have somewhere to take you. I will have you for my dinner … party…”. I knew she meant to sacrifice me to Satan and then eat me, because that is what she does.
Bill then interjected, “Oh now, come on, Hillary. Let’s not be rude to our guest here. Come on over here, sport! I will teach you how to drive a stick!!” But Hillary was busy sniffing me and licking her lips.
Thank God, Al Gore came crashing in at just that moment clamoring about the end of the world. “Don’t you all see?!?!? If we don’t rid the Earth of hair spray then we will all be dead in 12 years!!!!!”
Hillary let me go. I glanced up just in time to see her rolling her eyes at Gore. Bill then said, “Hey Al!!! Come on over here, buddy!! Let me show you how to drive a stick!!!”
I fled for the door. Thank God for Al Gore. If not for his ridiculous global warming hysteria I would surely have been raped and eaten by the Clintons, and maybe not in that order!!
I found my way back to the tour group just in time to leave this Godforsaken place. I found Pablo and punched him hard in the throat. As soon as I returned home I had myself Baptized and exorcised. I will never, ever, trust a Democrat ever again.
The time finally came for the trip. It was in the springtime and the Japanese Yoshito cherry bushes were in full bloom! It was glorious!! I had buddied up with a young dandy I met on the flight named Pablo. We did all sorts of things together during the trip. In fact, we had a full day to sightsee before even going to the White House.
The next day we went for the White House tour. We were met at the front door by some vile skank named Dee Dee Myers. She presented herself as female, though I am quite sure I caught the whiff of a sustained case of jock itch, as well as a thick “lump” up front, if you know what I am saying.
We were taken here and there, to and fro, examining every nook and cranny of the White House. It was absolutely mesmerizing! Unfortunately, Pablo did not enjoy it as much as I did because various Clinton Staffers kept touching him.
At one point, Dee Dee said, “Oh, hey kids!! Look!! It’s White House Counsel, Mr. Vincent Foster!” We all turned to see this gaunt man with shifty eyes who was sweating profusely. Dee Dee said to him, “Hey there, Vince! My, you aren’t looking too good. Maybe you should go for a walk to get some fresh air. We don’t want you giving up the ghost too soon, do we? Ha ha ha ha!!!”
Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a dark shadowy creature withdrawing into a room at the end of the hall. I half thought I was seeing things. Ghosts of famous people have been known to haunt these halls, like President Lincoln. But this was different. This phantom I just saw projected a nefarious vibe.
As I was pondering this strange apparition, I heard Myers say, “Oh Wow, kids. This is your lucking day!! Here comes Attorney General, Janet Reno!!!” I turned to look. I involuntarily shrieked like a teen scream queen at a horror movie on Friday night. “AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEHHHH!!!!!!!!”, I let loose at the sight of this lumbering monstrosity in a skirt walking with a mannish gait right for us!!
It was a fucking man in a dress!!!! I turned and ran down the hall in fear of my life and mental soundness. As I neared the end of the hall, I heard a voice call out to me, “Hey kid!! In here!!!”. I dove in through the door to escape the mad tranny. The door then closed behind me, shut by a grotesque cackling corpse of a man with a big jack-o-lantern head. He looked like Jack Skellington on a bad acid trip. I recoiled in abject horror.
It said to me, “Oh, don’t be scared, you little pecker!! Ima not goona hurt ya!, But see that guy over there? He may!! Ha ha ha ha ha hah!!!!!!!” His pointed with his bony finger to a man sitting across the room on a couch. He was bare-assed naked. The scene in that room was so bizarre and surreal, full of the macabre specter of doom, that I thought I was going mad. Then the man on the couch stood up. As I suspected, he was completely nude. He looked at the grotesque monstrosity next to me and said, “Get the fuck out of here George!! You are scaring the kid!!!” The gross abominable creature did as it was told, slowly slinking away into the shadows. He did not leave the room. He just sort of was absorbed into the darkness of the shadowy corners in the room.
Of course, I would later come to learn that the deranged goblin was George Carville. Believe me, as heinous as he looks on TV, that is nothing like seeing him in person. See, I had been an atheist up until that point. But upon seeing that sick monster I knew there had to be a Hell. And if there is a Hell, then there has to be a Heaven, and a God.
The chubby nude guy then beckoned me over to the couch. I was hesitant. I was afraid this was going to turn into a Chis Hansen moment and I wanted no part of it. Suddenly, I caught movement out of my right eye. It was that damn shadow person I had caught sight of in the hallway outside, before the tall tranny scared the shit out of me!!
Then it dawned on me. I saw that apparition faded away into a room down the hall. It was … THIS ROOM. I got a case of the cold shills.
The dark vision came swirling out of the gloom like a windblown cobweb, turning and dancing through the air, not even touching the floor. I could not tell if it was solid or mist. Then suddenly it stopped spinning and formed the black silhouette of a grotesque troll. I am thinking, “Oh shit. Here we go again. When I get back to Pablo I am going to beat the unholy shit out of that fucking beaner for slipping me some bad mushrooms last night.”
The ghost then solidified. Its ghastly head lifted and it walked out of the shadows. I could not believe my eyes. I cringed at the sight of … THE THING that stood before me. I wanted to die. Nobody should be subjected to such gender-bending terror that one found in the Clinton White House.
The THING stepped forward and spoke. “Good evening. I am Hillary Clinton”. The name drop did nothing for me, as I was still in shock at how ugly this bitch was. It seemed rather put-off and insulted that I did not immediately quiver with excitement the moment I heard her name. In fact, I knew who she was. She was the oversized anchor dragging down the entire Clinton administration.
And if THE THING is Hillary, then the naked dude on the couch had to be William “Wild Bill” Clinton. I looked in his direction. He was now lying on the couch, smoking a doob and playing with himself. In my bid to save my life I opted for the lesser of two evils.
“Mr. President?”, I asked. Bill sat up and looked at me. “What can I do ya fo, my boy? Come on over here and sit on your uncle Bill’s lap”, he said as he held out his arms.
“Uh, no, that’s ok, Mr. President. I will stay over here. But you can do something for me. Can you ring up Ms. Dee Dee and tell her to come in here and get me?”, I asked.
Just then Hillary grabbed me with her bony arms and hissed, “I have somewhere to take you. I will have you for my dinner … party…”. I knew she meant to sacrifice me to Satan and then eat me, because that is what she does.
Bill then interjected, “Oh now, come on, Hillary. Let’s not be rude to our guest here. Come on over here, sport! I will teach you how to drive a stick!!” But Hillary was busy sniffing me and licking her lips.
Thank God, Al Gore came crashing in at just that moment clamoring about the end of the world. “Don’t you all see?!?!? If we don’t rid the Earth of hair spray then we will all be dead in 12 years!!!!!”
Hillary let me go. I glanced up just in time to see her rolling her eyes at Gore. Bill then said, “Hey Al!!! Come on over here, buddy!! Let me show you how to drive a stick!!!”
I fled for the door. Thank God for Al Gore. If not for his ridiculous global warming hysteria I would surely have been raped and eaten by the Clintons, and maybe not in that order!!
I found my way back to the tour group just in time to leave this Godforsaken place. I found Pablo and punched him hard in the throat. As soon as I returned home I had myself Baptized and exorcised. I will never, ever, trust a Democrat ever again.
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