The Mindless Thread

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

You might be a redneck if...?

You think cur is a breed of dog. People hear your car long before they see it. Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids. Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor. Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat". You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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"Thank you for calling." "All of our operators are currently busy." ... "Please stay on the line, and your call will be answered in the order it was received." ... "(Worst music now plays)." ... "Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold. Or, if your little emergency isn't too serious, leave a message at the tone, and one of our crisis operators will call you back. ... Have a nice day." ...
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[App'z]

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, Melissa decided she had been stood up. She changed from her best dinner dress into her pajamas and slippers, fixed herself a snack and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late ... and you're still not ready?"
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Mark had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. After a few weeks of this, Mr. Johnson, his boss, called him in and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So, Mark went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work. "Mr. Johnson," he said, "The pill my doctor subscribed me actually worked!" "That's all fine," said his boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
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TEACHER: ... Young man, you've been late for school five days this week. Does that make you happy?
PUPIL: ......... Sure does. That means its Friday.
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Why did the belt get sentenced to 10 years in Jail? ... It had been holding up a pair of pants.
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

You should not confuse your career with your life.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, may most likely not a nice person.
Never lick a steak knife.

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
You actually have no lifelong real friends, if you always say what you've just been thinking, nobody actually cares.
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[App'z]

I had 5 dress pants and dress shirts for school...
I soon started trading wearing the matched sets for unmatched,
so, After a few weeks it didn't matter what I wore,
I looked boring every day. The guys started wearing Ked's.
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[App'z]

Took in the Kids H.S. School Musical. The kids, so much talent, how hard they work
and yet they still have another performance at 7PM. We will Buy the DVD. Yea !
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[App'z]

 

[lg325]

VIDEO: MMA Fighter Banned For Life After Disgusting Act Toward Ring Card Girl, Gets Jumped By Dozens Of Dudes During Wild Scene After Fight

MMA fighter Ali Heibati gets banned from league after he kicked a ring card girl and tried attacking ref after a recent loss.

www.totalprosports.com

 

[Michelle420]

 

[Michelle420]

 

[Michelle420]

 

[Libby von H]

I wonder if they put the Robots brain in their Ass.
Lots of needlessly waisted room there. I wonder why
it looks around like it can see you? Do you believe it
has doorbell cameras in its moving eyes or is it more
like an owls vision? What happens when an arm or leg
falls off, does it call AAA? If it freezes up does it have
a can of penetrating oil handy? If China really gets taken
over by Robots like Elon predicted, will they carry night
sticks and night vision too? So much needed to know,
Where do you start?

Wasted spelled 'waisted' --- is this a certified moron ??

 

[Michelle420]

 

[lg325]

Ihave known folks that this has happened to.

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

The Guy is in jail for a year & to pass the time he catches Hermie a Buffalo gnats fly & teaches it to do tricks. There is an in the Cell lover & he orders Catnip and spreads it before Hermie, the gnat. The Gnat fly disappears when it's let loose. Jealousy in hell spelled out daily.
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[App'z]

We Men, who live thru the 60's - 70's - 80's- remember how easy and quick it was to recover from Head Injuries.
Head injuries were a lot easier back then ! Looking back on it things were easier then. not the work just the head injuries!
Does anyone believe the problems today are because of our Head Injuries that we accepted and the norm back 40 Plus year ago. We didn't care then, should we with the group going forward?
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Reckless abandonment might make ya Happy ! But will you miss them?

 

[App'z]

Wanna guess my name for 3 free tickets?

 

[App'z]

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. ... ... Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. ...... .... The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. ... ... Last year, you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm taking Marie with me."
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[App'z]

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. , "I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.” “Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.” “What’s a man, Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vain-glorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time . But… he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he’s aroused, but since you’ve been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great.” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the catch, Lord?” “Well… you can have him on one condition.” “What’s that, Lord?” “As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring…So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. But remember, it’s our little secret… You know, woman to woman.”
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