The Marriage Question

[BDBoop]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

 

[High_Gravity]

You don't have to be married to be together.

 

[BDBoop]

Of course not.

I'm asking about when two people fall in love, and one thinks that is a step on the path to marriage, and the other thinks like you.

 

[AquaAthena]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

I agree with your solution, BDBoop. and for the same reason. One might win the battle but lose the war???

 

[BDBoop]

Oh, TOTALLY lose the war. Either they won't marry and one will be miserable, or they will marry - and one will be miserable. I figure they should just say oh, hey; hi. Nevermind. This is not a good fit.

There are plenty of fish in the sea for each of them. In my estimation, they don't belong together with their current belief systems.

 

[Baruch Menachem]

there are plenty of fish in the sea. One of the most important parts of a relationship is shared values.


there is a Korean comedy on this topic. It is really great. It is called Bad Couple.

She wants a sperm donor who is intelligent and good looking. He is very religious and is opposed to sex before marriage.

Female on male rape presented as comedy

 

[Luissa]

My friend has this problem. She has been with a guy for awhile and he hasn't asked her to get married which pisses her off.
Of course he is the best guy she has ever been with, and he is a great dad to her child(the father died). She has had the worst luck with boyfriends, and personally I think she should just get over it. Be happy with what you got.
Favorite song line, " You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need"

 

[High_Gravity]

Of course not.

I'm asking about when two people fall in love, and one thinks that is a step on the path to marriage, and the other thinks like you.

I don't think marriage is compatible with the society we live in anymore, if you don't believe me look at the divorce rates in this country, they are through the roof.

 

[syrenn]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

If it something you feel strongly about and the married or not married thing is a deal breaker....the best thing in my opinion is to end the relationship sooner rather then later. It will always be an issue and it will never change.

 

[syrenn]

Of course not.

I'm asking about when two people fall in love, and one thinks that is a step on the path to marriage, and the other thinks like you.

I don't think marriage is compatible with the society we live in anymore, if you don't believe me look at the divorce rates in this country, they are through the roof.

I think you are wrong.

 

[Wry Catcher]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

I lived with two other women before living with my current wife (we lived together for four years before marrying). I always expected to marry, but I wanted to be sure I married a friend and a lover, not simply a lover.

My second SO was hell bent on marriage, she and I remain friends but she is on her third married now. She was in too big a hurry, we were too young (I was still in grad school) and never taked about what we expected of marriage, only that she wanted to get married.

If one says they don't want to marry, I would ask why. If his/her parents fought like cats and the family was constantly in crisis the partner that wants marriage should (I don't like shoulding on people, but somethimes it's appropriate) find out why. Counseling might help both; a friendly break-up would be better than one the result of a crisis, which might impact future relationships for both. Or, letting the matter rest, and evaluating the important question, 'do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him/her?

Once that question is answered, the decision should be obvious.

 

[R.D.]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

I am of the thinking that the one who doesn't believe in marriage, simply doesn't believe in it with this particular person but does not yet want to lose her.

My advice would be to move on

 

[Mr Natural]

Enjoy their time together until they know it's over and then move on.

 

[High_Gravity]

Of course not.

I'm asking about when two people fall in love, and one thinks that is a step on the path to marriage, and the other thinks like you.

I don't think marriage is compatible with the society we live in anymore, if you don't believe me look at the divorce rates in this country, they are through the roof.

I think you are wrong.

I hope so but I am just going by what I know and have seen, I really don't see too many marriages that last long anymore except for older more mature people, 20 years don't know what the fuck their doing when they marry, they still want to carry on as if they are single.

 

[syrenn]

I don't think marriage is compatible with the society we live in anymore, if you don't believe me look at the divorce rates in this country, they are through the roof.

I think you are wrong.

I hope so but I am just going by what I know and have seen, I really don't see too many marriages that last long anymore except for older more mature people, 20 years don't know what the fuck their doing when they marry, they still want to carry on as if they are single.

All i can say is... we knew what we were doing when we were in our 20's

And have been married for a very long time.

 

[Sky Dancer]

I don't think marriage is compatible with the society we live in anymore, if you don't believe me look at the divorce rates in this country, they are through the roof.

I think you are wrong.

I hope so but I am just going by what I know and have seen, I really don't see too many marriages that last long anymore except for older more mature people, 20 years don't know what the fuck their doing when they marry, they still want to carry on as if they are single.

It sounds like you have a cynical view of marriage.

 

[syrenn]

I think you are wrong.

I hope so but I am just going by what I know and have seen, I really don't see too many marriages that last long anymore except for older more mature people, 20 years don't know what the fuck their doing when they marry, they still want to carry on as if they are single.

It sounds like you have a cynical view of marriage.

He has a realists view.

Far to many get married because sex is great..or "its the thing to do" .. or the girl has some romantic idea of a fair tail wedding .......party.

 

[Mr Natural]

Half of all marriages end in divorce.

And the person who really gets hit the hardest is the father of the bride who had to take out a second mortgage to pay for the big fancy wedding.

 

[syrenn]

half of all marriages end in divorce.

And the person who really gets hit the hardest is the father of the bride who had to take out a second mortgage to pay for the big fancy wedding.

no shit!!!!


The sister in law was given the same offer i was given.... anything you want.

She wanted and got.... two receptions.....one on each coast. That was a cool million down the drain.

 

[High_Gravity]

Half of all marriages end in divorce.

And the person who really gets hit the hardest is the father of the bride who had to take out a second mortgage to pay for the big fancy wedding.

Hells yeah, the money people pay for weddings in the US is ridiculous, if you truly love the person the $20 court house wedding should be enough, thats what I did.