The Marriage Question

[St.Blues]

I think they should make you live with each other for 5 years before you can apply for a license.

The 5 years is not because of how long you were married...it was how long we loved together before we go married.... i am of the opinion by then you know if its going to work or not.

While I have no problems with peoples choices, but you just threw a lot of us God fearing Christians out the window.

We didn't live together and only knew each other a few months and it worked out fine for many many years.

Consider yourself lucky.

 

[Paulie]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

I find it absurd that 2 people who are in love would break up over this. What else really matters at the end of the day, other than the 2 of you being in love with each other? Marriage doesn't make you more or less in love no matter how much you might think it does. And I say this as a proponent of marriage.

 

[Paulie]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

A prenup is just betting against the marriage before it even starts. If you feel like you need a prenup before you marry a woman then you probably shouldn't be marrying that woman.

 

[Iridescence]

It should be much more difficult to get married than it currently is. It should be taken more seriously, it seems... However, then too, the beginning of wisdom is fearing the Lord.... Most Christian women never consider their husbands as their Lord. If Christians don't set the example how could 'we' expect others who are not fundamental to understand the depths of a Godly covenant?

 

[editec]

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

Cope.

 

[rightwinger]

I don't have a problem with couples who decide marriage is not for them. I do have a problem when they decide to have children.

I don't see how you can commit to a family when you can't commit to each other

 

[High_Gravity]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

What you have said is very true, in this country when a man gets married he is taking a big gamble because like you said he stands to lose everything if this doesnt work out, the benefits are definently stacked in the favor of women to get married, men not so much.

 

[R.D.]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

Sorry, but cleary she was smarter if he loses everything.

There are as many sob strories out there of woman being taken to the cleaners as well. If you consider it as "his" and "her'"s then marriage was very likey not the right move or you're doing something wrong.

Again, I think the stats are wrong and cripple the discussion with falsehoods.

 

[High_Gravity]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

Sorry, but cleary she was smarter if he loses everything.

There are as many sob strories out there of woman being taken to the cleaners as well. If you consider it as "his" and "her'"s then marriage was very likey not the right move or you're doing something wrong.

Again, I think the stats are wrong and cripple the discussion with falsehoods.

How does that mean shes smarter if she got most of everything? the courts usually pretty much side with the woman in a divorce unless she is unfit, the only way to avoid this kind of thing is to sign a prenup, and if you feel the need to do that why are you getting married anyways?

 

[R.D.]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

Sorry, but cleary she was smarter if he loses everything.

There are as many sob strories out there of woman being taken to the cleaners as well. If you consider it as "his" and "her'"s then marriage was very likey not the right move or you're doing something wrong.

Again, I think the stats are wrong and cripple the discussion with falsehoods.

How does that mean shes smarter if she got most of everything? the courts usually pretty much side the woman in a divorce unless she is unfit, the only way to avoid this kind of thing is to sign a prenup, and if you feel the need to do that why are you getting married anyways?

Divorce is an end game. Best player wins if the parties are not going to play fair and honestly.

 

[High_Gravity]

Sorry, but cleary she was smarter if he loses everything.

There are as many sob strories out there of woman being taken to the cleaners as well. If you consider it as "his" and "her'"s then marriage was very likey not the right move or you're doing something wrong.

Again, I think the stats are wrong and cripple the discussion with falsehoods.

How does that mean shes smarter if she got most of everything? the courts usually pretty much side the woman in a divorce unless she is unfit, the only way to avoid this kind of thing is to sign a prenup, and if you feel the need to do that why are you getting married anyways?

Divorce is an end game. Best player wins if the parties are not going to play fair and honestly.

I believe you, and thats why many men don't want any part of marriage anymore, better to just live together and when it doesn't work out, just pack your stuff and go, not lose all of it in a divorce and end up on a buddies couch.

 

[Stashman]

Sorry, but cleary she was smarter if he loses everything.

There are as many sob strories out there of woman being taken to the cleaners as well. If you consider it as "his" and "her'"s then marriage was very likey not the right move or you're doing something wrong.

Again, I think the stats are wrong and cripple the discussion with falsehoods.

How does that mean shes smarter if she got most of everything? the courts usually pretty much side the woman in a divorce unless she is unfit, the only way to avoid this kind of thing is to sign a prenup, and if you feel the need to do that why are you getting married anyways?

Divorce is an end game. Best player wins if the parties are not going to play fair and honestly.

Spoken by a woman of of course who knows the odds have always been in her favor.

 

[R.D.]

How does that mean shes smarter if she got most of everything? the courts usually pretty much side the woman in a divorce unless she is unfit, the only way to avoid this kind of thing is to sign a prenup, and if you feel the need to do that why are you getting married anyways?

Divorce is an end game. Best player wins if the parties are not going to play fair and honestly.

I believe you, and thats why many men don't want any part of marriage anymore, better to just live together and when it doesn't work out, just pack your stuff and go, not lose all of it in a divorce and end up on a buddies couch.

I understand that.

But when kids get involved it's a whole new ball game.

 

[High_Gravity]

Divorce is an end game. Best player wins if the parties are not going to play fair and honestly.

I believe you, and thats why many men don't want any part of marriage anymore, better to just live together and when it doesn't work out, just pack your stuff and go, not lose all of it in a divorce and end up on a buddies couch.

I understand that.

But when kids get involved it's a whole new ball game.

A grueling divorce battle between the father and mother does alot of damage to the children as well.

 

[BDBoop]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

It's like playing tennis with a partner who uses a baseball bat,......it was never meant to be. Cut him lose and go find yourself some security, because you are wasting your time, and in this world we do not have time to waste.

Just so you know - this situation does crop up in the opposite direction. Sometimes the man wants marriage, and the woman doesn't.

 

[BDBoop]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

Actually, since most women aren't actually gold diggers, the "why" is almost superstitious; signing this means we are in essence saying not 'if' it ends, but 'when'.

 

[BDBoop]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

I find it absurd that 2 people who are in love would break up over this. What else really matters at the end of the day, other than the 2 of you being in love with each other? Marriage doesn't make you more or less in love no matter how much you might think it does. And I say this as a proponent of marriage.

Because if you don't want it, you don't want it; you don't want it. And if the other party feels like you do, then the whole relationship is going to have this sword hanging over it. "Why won't you marry me?" "What's wrong with me?", etc. It's personalized as a rejection.

And if you're old enough, you've seen that couple that was together for 5-10 years, she finally ended it because it obviously "wasn't going anywhere", and he met and married someone else within the year.

 

[BDBoop]

I don't have a problem with couples who decide marriage is not for them. I do have a problem when they decide to have children.

I don't see how you can commit to a family when you can't commit to each other

Right. I had to see my daughter move in with her first husband, when she was raised in a fundamentalist system. The only way I could deal was realizing they were, in essence, married. They just didn't have that little piece of paper.

But what's your take on the thoughts in the OP?

 

[Paulie]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

I find it absurd that 2 people who are in love would break up over this. What else really matters at the end of the day, other than the 2 of you being in love with each other? Marriage doesn't make you more or less in love no matter how much you might think it does. And I say this as a proponent of marriage.

Because if you don't want it, you don't want it; you don't want it. And if the other party feels like you do, then the whole relationship is going to have this sword hanging over it. "Why won't you marry me?" "What's wrong with me?", etc. It's personalized as a rejection.

And if you're old enough, you've seen that couple that was together for 5-10 years, she finally ended it because it obviously "wasn't going anywhere", and he met and married someone else within the year.

You should know what the person you're about to get into a relationship thinks of marriage before hand. It's obviously an important factor to a lot of people when choosing a mate, so there should be no excuse for being 5 years down the road and being unhappy about your mate not wanting to get married.

But assuming you didn't air that out before hand, how do you just look the person you love in the eye and say I'm leaving because you don't want marriage??? That's ridiculous. You're taking a huge gamble that you'll actually find someone else you love and fit with as much as the one you left.

Many people spend half of their life trying to find the person they love, why would you just throw it away over one issue? Just enjoy being in love and live life.

 

[Stashman]

Just what is in it for a man to get married? I mean when the marriage ends in divorce, and stats show that it probably will, than the man will lose half his money, his house, his car, his kids etc...

I was married for 20 yrs. and every man that I know that has been married than divorced has lost just about everything he owned.

If a man is not for marriage than it's probably due to this. If the woman keeps on being persistent he will think that she just wants to in order to take his life away. I read a poll which was done by Readers Digest where 80 percent of all woman polled said they would not want to sign a prenup. I wonder why.

Actually, since most women aren't actually gold diggers, the "why" is almost superstitious; signing this means we are in essence saying not 'if' it ends, but 'when'.

How many men do you know that kept the house, the car, the kids, and all the money?
The proof is in the pudding.