The Marriage Question

[BDBoop]

Clueless about women? HAHAHAHAHA! Are you seriously telling me alot of women don't want the happily ever after big wedding when they get married?

Dude?? I SAID "Which one of us?"

And you didn't answer. Do you really believe they are all as Machiavellian as you paint them? They all want a big wedding. They all want to suck the life out of a man. They all only want to trap him, use him, and throw him back out in his skivvies. Or might you be generalizing a tad bit much.

Whoa, no one said women are all out to trap, use, suck the life out of, or throw away a man when they marry him. But they DO tend to chase that big fairy tale wedding. I swear, it's like they think that wedding in and of itself is somehow integral to the future of their relationship. Imagine most women's responses if the man says lets get married, but let's just go down to the justice of the peace and make it official there and that's it. Seriously. You know how most women would respond.

It's not the marriage, it's the WEDDING. Women would actually take offense to a man saying let's just do it bare minimum legally.

Maybe I'm the problem in this equation, because I see things from my perspective, and I know that's not what happened. We did the bare minimum, because that's what I wanted. I wanted a MARRIAGE, not a Big Day. That's how every wedding in my family has been. Bride and groom paid for, and no going broke over it. My engagement ring cost $12 at an antique store. It was a little daisy with a pink stone set in pewter.

The only big wedding I've ever been to was my cousin's first, and that was ... whoa. Crazy, the level of conspicuous consumption.

 

[BDBoop]

In my case, it's certainly time to get married. I was one who "didn't believe in marriage" for many years - Nowadays, I don't mind the prospect. Honesty, what stops me, is the procedure of getting married, not the actual being married. I told Katie repeatedly that if she just wants to walk into the courthouse and walk out, I do it tomorrow. But the whole tradition; the white dress, the dancing, the vows, the best man and bridal party, the two dysfunctional families who don't really even know each other all packed into one room, the whole thing - f*cking gag me.

Not only that, but almost everyone that comes is only there for the free food and booze afterwards, that you spent fucking thousands upon thousands of dollars on.

For WHAT? For WHO? 90% of the people that leave the reception at the end of the night couldn't give a fuck less how your marriage works out.

"We don't have much money for a down payment on a house" ... Maybe because you spent it all on a wedding that was really just a glorified party?

Can't tell you how many times I've said that.

 

[High_Gravity]

Dude?? I SAID "Which one of us?"

And you didn't answer. Do you really believe they are all as Machiavellian as you paint them? They all want a big wedding. They all want to suck the life out of a man. They all only want to trap him, use him, and throw him back out in his skivvies. Or might you be generalizing a tad bit much.

Thats not what I said at all, did you even read my posts? I said womens expectations of marriage are unrealistic, that they think somehow their relationship with their partner will be better after they get married, when in reality it does not. Something about that seems to touch a nerve for you.

Yes, I did read your post, and I strongly disagree.

I also read your posts, and if you'll backtrack, you'll find that's not the only thing you said. I don't react in a vacuum, I react (and respond) to the sum total of what's been said.

Um ok, but where did I say women want to suck the life out of a man and trap and use him? I am sure some women do that but not all.

 

[High_Gravity]

In my case, it's certainly time to get married. I was one who "didn't believe in marriage" for many years - Nowadays, I don't mind the prospect. Honesty, what stops me, is the procedure of getting married, not the actual being married. I told Katie repeatedly that if she just wants to walk into the courthouse and walk out, I do it tomorrow. But the whole tradition; the white dress, the dancing, the vows, the best man and bridal party, the two dysfunctional families who don't really even know each other all packed into one room, the whole thing - f*cking gag me.

Not only that, but almost everyone that comes is only there for the free food and booze afterwards, that you spent fucking thousands upon thousands of dollars on.

For WHAT? For WHO? 90% of the people that leave the reception at the end of the night couldn't give a fuck less how your marriage works out.

"We don't have much money for a down payment on a house" ... Maybe because you spent it all on a wedding that was really just a glorified party?

The next big thing now are divorce parties Paulie, I read an article on that in Time. Considering the high rate of divorces in the US, divorce parties will make a pretty brisk business.

 

[BDBoop]

Um ok, but where did I say women want to suck the life out of a man and trap and use him? I am sure some women do that but not all.

Having re-read the thread, you're right. I took the sum total of interaction and sort of placed it at your doorstep. I apologize.

 

[Paulie]

Dude?? I SAID "Which one of us?"

And you didn't answer. Do you really believe they are all as Machiavellian as you paint them? They all want a big wedding. They all want to suck the life out of a man. They all only want to trap him, use him, and throw him back out in his skivvies. Or might you be generalizing a tad bit much.

Whoa, no one said women are all out to trap, use, suck the life out of, or throw away a man when they marry him. But they DO tend to chase that big fairy tale wedding. I swear, it's like they think that wedding in and of itself is somehow integral to the future of their relationship. Imagine most women's responses if the man says lets get married, but let's just go down to the justice of the peace and make it official there and that's it. Seriously. You know how most women would respond.

It's not the marriage, it's the WEDDING. Women would actually take offense to a man saying let's just do it bare minimum legally.

Maybe I'm the problem in this equation, because I see things from my perspective, and I know that's not what happened. We did the bare minimum, because that's what I wanted. I wanted a MARRIAGE, not a Big Day. That's how every wedding in my family has been. Bride and groom paid for, and no going broke over it. My engagement ring cost $12 at an antique store. It was a little daisy with a pink stone set in pewter.

The only big wedding I've ever been to was my cousin's first, and that was ... whoa. Crazy, the level of conspicuous consumption.

Well I'm sure you must know that you're in a very small minority on that. I'm talking MINUTE. You know damn right well that a $12 engagement ring just doesn't fly. Are there women who would be ok with it? Sure. Few and far between though.

I forgot about the engagement ring aspect of it too.. Even THAT is just a status symbol. The woman goes around to show all her friends how many carats her diamonds are and how big it is. Apparently the size and cost of the ring is directly proportional to the amount of love the man has for his woman

 

[Paulie]

In my case, it's certainly time to get married. I was one who "didn't believe in marriage" for many years - Nowadays, I don't mind the prospect. Honesty, what stops me, is the procedure of getting married, not the actual being married. I told Katie repeatedly that if she just wants to walk into the courthouse and walk out, I do it tomorrow. But the whole tradition; the white dress, the dancing, the vows, the best man and bridal party, the two dysfunctional families who don't really even know each other all packed into one room, the whole thing - f*cking gag me.

Not only that, but almost everyone that comes is only there for the free food and booze afterwards, that you spent fucking thousands upon thousands of dollars on.

For WHAT? For WHO? 90% of the people that leave the reception at the end of the night couldn't give a fuck less how your marriage works out.

"We don't have much money for a down payment on a house" ... Maybe because you spent it all on a wedding that was really just a glorified party?

The next big thing now are divorce parties Paulie, I read an article on that in Time. Considering the high rate of divorces in the US, divorce parties will make a pretty brisk business.

I know man, there was discussion about that here about a year ago or so. I think in the coffee shop. I put my 2 cents in on it

 

[BDBoop]

Whoa, no one said women are all out to trap, use, suck the life out of, or throw away a man when they marry him. But they DO tend to chase that big fairy tale wedding. I swear, it's like they think that wedding in and of itself is somehow integral to the future of their relationship. Imagine most women's responses if the man says lets get married, but let's just go down to the justice of the peace and make it official there and that's it. Seriously. You know how most women would respond.

It's not the marriage, it's the WEDDING. Women would actually take offense to a man saying let's just do it bare minimum legally.

Maybe I'm the problem in this equation, because I see things from my perspective, and I know that's not what happened. We did the bare minimum, because that's what I wanted. I wanted a MARRIAGE, not a Big Day. That's how every wedding in my family has been. Bride and groom paid for, and no going broke over it. My engagement ring cost $12 at an antique store. It was a little daisy with a pink stone set in pewter.

The only big wedding I've ever been to was my cousin's first, and that was ... whoa. Crazy, the level of conspicuous consumption.

Well I'm sure you must know that you're in a very small minority on that. I'm talking MINUTE. You know damn right well that a $12 engagement ring just doesn't fly. Are there women who would be ok with it? Sure. Few and far between though.

I forgot about the engagement ring aspect of it too.. Even THAT is just a status symbol. The woman goes around to show all her friends how many carats her diamonds are and how big it is. Apparently the size and cost of the ring is directly proportional to the amount of love the man has for his woman

Yeah, I do know. I got my grandmother's 25th wedding anniversary set as my wedding gift from my folks, and I cried. I loved my grandma. It was wonderful to have that connection to her, and my grandfather. It's my daughter's wedding set, now.

My sister got the huge rock with all the smaller sparklies around it. Now THAT is a marriage made in hell, ring notwithstanding.

What do they say? Something like the cost of the ring should be 1/4 of the man's annual salary?? Where do they come UP with this shit??!

 

[R.D.]

Well I'm sure you must know that you're in a very small minority on that. I'm talking MINUTE. You know damn right well that a $12 engagement ring just doesn't fly. Are there women who would be ok with it? Sure. Few and far between though.

I forgot about the engagement ring aspect of it too.. Even THAT is just a status symbol. The woman goes around to show all her friends how many carats her diamonds are and how big it is. Apparently the size and cost of the ring is directly proportional to the amount of love the man has for his woman

As far as I have always known it was the man who showed off how big his diamonds are

 

[Paulie]

Well I'm sure you must know that you're in a very small minority on that. I'm talking MINUTE. You know damn right well that a $12 engagement ring just doesn't fly. Are there women who would be ok with it? Sure. Few and far between though.

I forgot about the engagement ring aspect of it too.. Even THAT is just a status symbol. The woman goes around to show all her friends how many carats her diamonds are and how big it is. Apparently the size and cost of the ring is directly proportional to the amount of love the man has for his woman

As far as I have always known it was the man who showed off how big his diamonds are

You couldn't handle my diamonds babe

 

[High_Gravity]

Um ok, but where did I say women want to suck the life out of a man and trap and use him? I am sure some women do that but not all.

Having re-read the thread, you're right. I took the sum total of interaction and sort of placed it at your doorstep. I apologize.

Its all good, no worries.

 

[Mr.Nick]

I just saw a search term, "My boyfriend says he doesn't believe in marriage", and it reminded me of when I was young. I don't know if we have any young people on this board, but the situation may still come up.

If one person believes in marriage and the other doesn't, what should the couple do? My first reaction is 'break up', because you know one or the other is always going to be unhappy/feel pressured, etc.

What would you do? And if it's nothing you can relate to, how would you advise a friend, or offspring?

Yes you should break up..

They should have never begun seeing one another in the first place.

One of the biggest problems with our country is that individuals lost their morals and have "digressed" into sheep.

Moral cohesion is what created a healthy nation to begin with.

As far as marriage is concerned - the government, or at least the federal government should have nothing to do with it.

Marriage has absolutely nothing to do with government and everything to do with love and religion.

 

[Iridescence]

Perhaps less to do with love and more to do with religion and (yikes) even the politics of religion..... *cringing toward potential idiocies to follow..... *