Would You Cheat on a Spouse?

[Amanda]

I just would really like somebody to point out where it's a "requirement" that adults get a certain amount of sex each day?

I don't think anyone was saying that. The question has been reframed from how it was originally asked. This is supposed to be about one partner deciding that sex is off the menu for unstated reasons. It was never supposed to be about dementia or paralysis or whatever.

In the original context I don't think it was about someone demanding it everyday (tho I guess that could be what was happening...) it was about someone refusing all the time. I don't think anyone (sane) here would say anyone has the right to demand sex everyday. I think what they (and I) am saying is that sex should be part of a healthy intimate relationship and if it isn't there then there is a problem. Then how they think that problem should be addressed varies wildly.

 

[jillian]

I just would really like somebody to point out where it's a "requirement" that adults get a certain amount of sex each day?

did anyone say that? nope... didn't think so.

 

[Dis]

I just would really like somebody to point out where it's a "requirement" that adults get a certain amount of sex each day?

did anyone say that? nope... didn't think so.

You could take lessons in making your point from the 18 year old that posted 5min before you had to get that smarmy comment in.

 

[AllieBaba]

When you freak out about dooming someone to a...gasp...life without on-call sex, you're essentially saying sex is a requirement for adult life.

 

[Said1]

I was wondering when someone from the no-sex side would turn up.

 

[AllieBaba]

Lol. There's one in every crowd, I guess.

I just don't think sex is a human right. I could be wrong. But I don't think I am.

 

[catzmeow]

I just would really like somebody to point out where it's a "requirement" that adults get a certain amount of sex each day?

I need it, to be blunt. BOB will not suffice, on his own. I've lived without sex, and it's a miserable existence.

 

[Said1]

Lol. There's one in every crowd, I guess.

I just don't think sex is a human right. I could be wrong. But I don't think I am.

I don't think it's a right, either.

 

[PoliticalChic]

I would advise you amend your marriage vows then. Hopefully, if you are ever incapacitated then your current spouse won't start asking similar questions.

God forbid, if I became afflicted with Alzheimer's, because I love my husband, I wouldn't expect him to "stay" by my side a 100% of time, especially if I can't even be of any emotional support.

If cheating would be ok with you, that's not a bad thing, if you're still maintaining your vows to be together until death.

Marriage doesn't have to be synonymous with sex. If you'd be ok with your husband getting laid somewhere else because you're incapacitated by a disease, then so be it. If you maintain your marriage until death, you completed your agreement.

If sex makes or breaks a marriage, you better have already figured that part out before diving in. And you also ought to realize it's not always going to be the same as it was the first earth-shattering time. That's the for better or for worse part. When the marriage gets bad, you do what you have to do to work through it and be stronger in the end. That was the vow you took, afterall.

When something as life-changing as Alzheimer's would afflict either myself or my spouse, I wouldn't expect the marriage vows to hold. It's not about just the sex in such a case.

 

[Dis]

God forbid, if I became afflicted with Alzheimer's, because I love my husband, I wouldn't expect him to "stay" by my side a 100% of time, especially if I can't even be of any emotional support.

If cheating would be ok with you, that's not a bad thing, if you're still maintaining your vows to be together until death.

Marriage doesn't have to be synonymous with sex. If you'd be ok with your husband getting laid somewhere else because you're incapacitated by a disease, then so be it. If you maintain your marriage until death, you completed your agreement.

If sex makes or breaks a marriage, you better have already figured that part out before diving in. And you also ought to realize it's not always going to be the same as it was the first earth-shattering time. That's the for better or for worse part. When the marriage gets bad, you do what you have to do to work through it and be stronger in the end. That was the vow you took, afterall.

When something as life-changing as Alzheimer's would afflict either myself or my spouse, I wouldn't expect the marriage vows to hold. It's not about just the sex in such a case.

Wow.. That's just really sad. The times your spouse may need you the most is the time you don't expect those vows to hold.

Just..wow.

 

[jillian]

I just would really like somebody to point out where it's a "requirement" that adults get a certain amount of sex each day?

did anyone say that? nope... didn't think so.

You could take lessons in making your point from the 18 year old that posted 5min before you had to get that smarmy comment in.

no thanks. i gave you the respect you deserved.

 

[Dis]

did anyone say that? nope... didn't think so.

You could take lessons in making your point from the 18 year old that posted 5min before you had to get that smarmy comment in.

no thanks. i gave you the respect you deserved.

You on drugs? It wasn't even me you were replying to, but another member.. She musta deserved that, too, huh?

Sometimes you're really sad, Jill

 

[jillian]

You could take lessons in making your point from the 18 year old that posted 5min before you had to get that smarmy comment in.

no thanks. i gave you the respect you deserved.

You on drugs? It wasn't even me you were replying to, but another member.. She musta deserved that, too, huh?

Sometimes you're really sad, Jill

yeah, couldn't tell the difference between you and alli.

oops. you'd better do something about that... you know, like a little anger management.

see, the one thing i've learned from you nutcases, is that it's just stupid to be polite to you. wasted effort. so i'll treat you like you deserve.

 

[Dis]

no thanks. i gave you the respect you deserved.

You on drugs? It wasn't even me you were replying to, but another member.. She musta deserved that, too, huh?

Sometimes you're really sad, Jill

yeah, couldn't tell the difference between you and alli.

oops. you'd better do something about that... you know, like a little anger management.

see, the one thing i've learned from you nutcases, is that it's just stupid to be polite to you. wasted effort. so i'll treat you like you deserve.

Actually, you treat everyone that disagrees with you exactly the same; accusing them of hatred, pure spite, etc.

That's something YOU might want to work on. I would suggest you pull the pole out of your ass and get started.

 

[random3434]

I just would really like somebody to point out where it's a "requirement" that adults get a certain amount of sex each day?

The Porn Industry?

 

[Gunny]

If a spouse is ill and dying, it wouldn't be so surprising to see the husband or wife of the terminally ill or dying spouse seek comfort. Would you condemn that individual?

Yep. In a heartbeat. Again, nothing to do with the parameters of the discussion, but under this particular circumstance, I can easily see condemning that person's behavior.

Congrats. You win the award for being the most judgmental individual I've ever met. Have a heart.

Wow. Why not exaggerate a bit, huh? That's hardly being the most judgemental. Matter of fact, it's fairly moderate compared to condemning the PERSON, as nost people do. I only condemn the behavior.

Sorry, but under the circumstances you stated, it's wrong.

 

[Gunny]

North Carolina History Project : Marriage, History of

ok, found some history on it...

it is primarily for inheritance reasons....rightful heirs to an estate....when someone dies....

See, marriage is about property rights, inheritance and taxes. It's a way to get health insurance too.

You are speaking only of the legal contract with the state. Marriage is also a promise between two people and God.

 

[Gunny]

When your heart is breaking, and you feel like dying yourself as you watch your loved one wither away, some people reach out to others in order to find the strength to carry on.

I would not condemn a man or woman who 'cheated' on a spouse who had ALS, MS or dementia. Try imagining yourself in their shoes as the full time caregiver before you paint a letter A on their forehead and punish them.

That's called being weak.

 

[Anguille]

I learned two things from this thread:

1) There is something called BOB that is supposed to help out certain women with the urge to merge, but I still don't know what this BOB does.

2) Dis' bitchiness is due to more than just not getting any nicotine.

 

[Againsheila]

Nothing to recite. You sign the paperwork. That's it.

And what is the paperwork for? What is the contract agreement the both are signing?

if there is no agreement what is the marriage for....what do you sign on to?

Pre nups are a separate thing. You agree verbally to honor the vows you asked the JP to recite, if any. I think I remember my sister and bro-in-law only vowed to love each other and be husband and wife to each other. Nothing complicated, nothing religious. Their JP was a bit absent minded and presented them after to the guests as Mr and Mrs His Last Name which annoyed my sister as she was not changing her name.
You then sign a marriage license same as the one that is issued at City Hall.

One of the best weddings I attended, a friend of mine was divorced and had twins. She was marrying again and the kids were part of the ceremony. When it was over, the minister introduced them as "Mr and Mrs 'his last name' and family". The kids loved their new dad.