Would You Cheat on a Spouse?

[jillian]

It's amazing to me how easily a liberal can just dismiss something like marriage as ultimately being nothing more than a novelty.

The justification is great, too. "it's merely a legal contract".

If you only got married for legal reasons than you deserve to fail.

PC? A liberal?

1. this isn't about liberal/conservative (see: newt gingrich). 2. she's going to come through the computer screen and kick your sorry butt for calilng her that.

 

[random3434]

I think there are many reason people in relationships can get into that rut of no sexual intimacy.

One couple my family knew had a problem in this department. The guy had not touched his wife in 18 years. He was taught and thought sex was only for having children. Two kid's and it stop from there. She was fed up and trying to deal with the problem from her end. She asked her doctor, "What should I do this is driving me crazy." He told her she could leave him, cheat on him or determine to live without sex.

They were both Catholics. So she was in the quandry of committing a major sin and he would not just have sex with her for all those years because he thought it was a sin. After long thoughts on the matter and trying everything possible to entice her hubby to no avail she decided she was going to cheat.

(She related this story to my mom)
She got dressed up and went to the nearest town and stopped at the first bar she saw. Nervous as could be she hesitated in her car for a few moment reflecting and asking herself if she could actually do this. Finally she got up the courage to get out of her car and head toward the bar. She walked through the door of the bar and from down at the other end of the bar someone yelled, "Fresh meat!" Mortified she walked back out to her car. Got in and drove home.

In time she and her hubby worked it out and they are now a very happy couple traveling the world together.

I was wondering why she ran away so fast---gotta work on my pick up lines.

Good story--thanks

And the thing is, I can TOTALLY picture you doing that!


Good one dillo, thanks for making me laugh!

 

[RodISHI]

Would You Cheat on a Spouse?

What if the spouse just refused to have sex?

That's a stupd question.

What's the reason she would refuse to have sex? Does the dude punch her in the face and verbally abuse her? Or, is there some other intimacy and communication problems in the relationship? There's a billion reasons loss of intimacy between spouses can happen.

And none of them justify cheating. The only ethical answers to your question are:

talk to her.
get couples counseling.
Or get divorced.

Not true (well maybe in WJ situation, but in most situations its untrue).

You have the old joke, what is the best birth control medicine a woman can take?
- Wedding Cake


I think after a woman gets married her sex drive goes way down. Then after Jr comes, it is even worse!

When a woman has a child normally her life changes dramactically. Most generally she is fairly busy taking care of the child. In that her time for thinking on her sweetie has changed. He is no longer the sole factor in house that takes up her thoughts. From that point it takes a husband to recognize that and seek to pamper her a bit more with the romance factor. There are a lot of ways to put the romance back into a relationship.

Back in the days of getting super busy there was just very little time for personal time that affected our personal time together. Generally speaking to have time alone it took a motel somewhere.

Then you may have the asshole factor that kicks in at times. When a sweetheart is being an asshole most surely do not feel up to jumping in bed and making wild passionate love.

Passion is something in a relationship you have to build on as the relationship matures.

 

[Againsheila]

According to my sister "Men have to have sex to feel loved, women have to feel loved to have sex."

Marriage is work. My husband and I have a game. I bought a small cardboard box that plays music. We take turns hiding it. Sometimes it takes months before the other person finds it, but when they do, they remember the love we share. Just one small thing to help keep your marriage alive.

 

[Paulie]

It's amazing to me how easily a liberal can just dismiss something like marriage as ultimately being nothing more than a novelty.

The justification is great, too. "it's merely a legal contract".

If you only got married for legal reasons than you deserve to fail.

PC? A liberal?

1. this isn't about liberal/conservative (see: newt gingrich). 2. she's going to come through the computer screen and kick your sorry butt for calilng her that.

Where I mentioned liberal, is how the LIBERALS here seem to be able to write off marriage as nothing more than a legal contract...i.e., YOU.

And I didn't make that statement as a direction towards PC. It was just a generalized statement I made after posting to her. She's obviously an exception to what otherwise seems to be largely a liberal thought that marriage is disposable.

 

[Againsheila]

Once you have kids, your sex life is basically over...

I once read an idea for getting time with your spouse by keeping your kids busy. Send them on a scavenger hunt through the house with a list of 20 items. Mom and Dad's bedroom is off limits. Only hide 19 items.

 

[PoliticalChic]

It's amazing to me how easily a liberal can just dismiss something like marriage as ultimately being nothing more than a novelty.

The justification is great, too. "it's merely a legal contract".

If you only got married for legal reasons than you deserve to fail.

PC? A liberal?

1. this isn't about liberal/conservative (see: newt gingrich). 2. she's going to come through the computer screen and kick your sorry butt for calilng her that.

Jillian, that truly is funny visual!

 

[jillian]

funny. pc's position on this issue is pretty much like mine.

but keep on keepin' on.

or do i need to go through the list of "conservatives" who dumped and cheated on their wives like Newt and Henry Hyde?

 

[jillian]

It's amazing to me how easily a liberal can just dismiss something like marriage as ultimately being nothing more than a novelty.

The justification is great, too. "it's merely a legal contract".

If you only got married for legal reasons than you deserve to fail.

PC? A liberal?

1. this isn't about liberal/conservative (see: newt gingrich). 2. she's going to come through the computer screen and kick your sorry butt for calilng her that.

Jillian, that truly is funny visual!

Thank you.

 

[RodISHI]

According to my sister "Men have to have sex to feel loved, women have to feel loved to have sex."

Marriage is work. My husband and I have a game. I bought a small cardboard box that plays music. We take turns hiding it. Sometimes it takes months before the other person finds it, but when they do, they remember the love we share. Just one small thing to help keep your marriage alive.

Those little things count for a lot when it comes to keeping a long term relationship alive. Good one Sheila.

 

[William Joyce]

But, there are a whole lot of people out there who are neither sick, nor disabled, who simply have no desire to have sex with their significant other. They just stop...for reasons that frankly baffle me. They don't even try. And then, they expect the other person to remain faithful, to not pursue sex outside the bonds of marriage, and to keep supporting them.

In general, I've found that the people who choose to stop having sex are women, who still expect the man to keep providing for them financially. In my friend's case, it has been YEARS since his wife allowed him to have sex with her. Or, for that matter, to sleep in her bed. And, this is an attractive man with good hygiene. There is literally no reason that I can think of that this woman refuses to even TOUCH HIM. Or, sleep next to him.

What's wrong with that picture?

Obviously, a lot... but to some of the posters in this thread, he's either got to divorce her or jerk off until one of the two of them dies. I don't know... I'm all for loyalty, but it seems that in circumstances like this, it wouldn't be immoral to, eh, seek some comfort.

I also think, at the risk of turning this into a men v. women thread, that men are kinda screwed today in marriage. (I know they are in divorce... read Alex Baldwin's book on this.) It's basically a function of how feminism gave women a ton of extra rights, but men got nothing in exchange... for instance, one advantage of a more traditional time was that a woman didn't work all day long and come home as dog-tired as her husband... so maybe sex was a little easier then? Just guessing.

I understand that marriage and kids are a sacrifice. Fine with that. Wouldn't have it any other way... but I do have this one little question about the sex (or "no sex") thing. It seems to me that's pushing it too far. The woman of today gets to have her career, her kids, all the comfort and security of a bygone era, doors opened, earmuffs, diamonds, you name it. But the MAN of today still has to work his ass off, and gets NONE of those little pleasures of yesteryear (can't hang with the fellas, can't have a wife in pearls who kisses him when he gets home, can't have a cigar...) A lot of the time, he's like a "half woman" around the house (I do most of the vacuuming at my house, for instance)... I don't know. It's kinda screwed up, I think, and I know women have legit beefs about modern society. But men do, too. Men have been severely busted down over the years, with no let-up in effort they have to expend.

So, not to derail my own thread, but I guess the expectation of fidelity was more rational when the woman was at home as a housewife. And no, I'm not suggesting that all women be forced out of the workforce, just thinking out loud here.

 

[dilloduck]

But, there are a whole lot of people out there who are neither sick, nor disabled, who simply have no desire to have sex with their significant other. They just stop...for reasons that frankly baffle me. They don't even try. And then, they expect the other person to remain faithful, to not pursue sex outside the bonds of marriage, and to keep supporting them.

In general, I've found that the people who choose to stop having sex are women, who still expect the man to keep providing for them financially. In my friend's case, it has been YEARS since his wife allowed him to have sex with her. Or, for that matter, to sleep in her bed. And, this is an attractive man with good hygiene. There is literally no reason that I can think of that this woman refuses to even TOUCH HIM. Or, sleep next to him.

What's wrong with that picture?

Obviously, a lot... but to some of the posters in this thread, he's either got to divorce her or jerk off until one of the two of them dies. I don't know... I'm all for loyalty, but it seems that in circumstances like this, it wouldn't be immoral to, eh, seek some comfort.

I also think, at the risk of turning this into a men v. women thread, that men are kinda screwed today in marriage. (I know they are in divorce... read Alex Baldwin's book on this.) It's basically a function of how feminism gave women a ton of extra rights, but men got nothing in exchange... for instance, one advantage of a more traditional time was that a woman didn't work all day long and come home as dog-tired as her husband... so maybe sex was a little easier then? Just guessing.

I understand that marriage and kids are a sacrifice. Fine with that. Wouldn't have it any other way... but I do have this one little question about the sex (or "no sex") thing. It seems to me that's pushing it too far. The woman of today gets to have her career, her kids, all the comfort and security of a bygone era, doors opened, earmuffs, diamonds, you name it. But the MAN of today still has to work his ass off, and gets NONE of those little pleasures of yesteryear (can't hang with the fellas, can't have a wife in pearls who kisses him when he gets home, can't have a cigar...) A lot of the time, he's like a "half woman" around the house (I do most of the vacuuming at my house, for instance)... I don't know. It's kinda screwed up, I think, and I know women have legit beefs about modern society. But men do, too. Men have been severely busted down over the years, with no let-up in effort they have to expend.

So, not to derail my own thread, but I guess the expectation of fidelity was more rational when the woman was at home as a housewife. And no, I'm not suggesting that all women be forced out of the workforce, just thinking out loud here.

And you caused quite the stir by doing so I might add !! Thanks !

 

[Amanda]

Once you have kids, your sex life is basically over...

Why should that be?

 

[Gunny]

funny. pc's position on this issue is pretty much like mine.

but keep on keepin' on.

or do i need to go through the list of "conservatives" who dumped and cheated on their wives like Newt and Henry Hyde?

Dumping and cheating on your spouse is in fact not conservative at all. Remaining monogamous is. I keep telling you you're a neocon. One day you'll listen.

 

[Amanda]

But, there are a whole lot of people out there who are neither sick, nor disabled, who simply have no desire to have sex with their significant other. They just stop...for reasons that frankly baffle me. They don't even try. And then, they expect the other person to remain faithful, to not pursue sex outside the bonds of marriage, and to keep supporting them.

In general, I've found that the people who choose to stop having sex are women, who still expect the man to keep providing for them financially. In my friend's case, it has been YEARS since his wife allowed him to have sex with her. Or, for that matter, to sleep in her bed. And, this is an attractive man with good hygiene. There is literally no reason that I can think of that this woman refuses to even TOUCH HIM. Or, sleep next to him.

What's wrong with that picture?

Obviously, a lot... but to some of the posters in this thread, he's either got to divorce her or jerk off until one of the two of them dies. I don't know... I'm all for loyalty, but it seems that in circumstances like this, it wouldn't be immoral to, eh, seek some comfort.

I also think, at the risk of turning this into a men v. women thread, that men are kinda screwed today in marriage. (I know they are in divorce... read Alex Baldwin's book on this.) It's basically a function of how feminism gave women a ton of extra rights, but men got nothing in exchange... for instance, one advantage of a more traditional time was that a woman didn't work all day long and come home as dog-tired as her husband... so maybe sex was a little easier then? Just guessing.

I understand that marriage and kids are a sacrifice. Fine with that. Wouldn't have it any other way... but I do have this one little question about the sex (or "no sex") thing. It seems to me that's pushing it too far. The woman of today gets to have her career, her kids, all the comfort and security of a bygone era, doors opened, earmuffs, diamonds, you name it. But the MAN of today still has to work his ass off, and gets NONE of those little pleasures of yesteryear (can't hang with the fellas, can't have a wife in pearls who kisses him when he gets home, can't have a cigar...) A lot of the time, he's like a "half woman" around the house (I do most of the vacuuming at my house, for instance)... I don't know. It's kinda screwed up, I think, and I know women have legit beefs about modern society. But men do, too. Men have been severely busted down over the years, with no let-up in effort they have to expend.

So, not to derail my own thread, but I guess the expectation of fidelity was more rational when the woman was at home as a housewife. And no, I'm not suggesting that all women be forced out of the workforce, just thinking out loud here.

I feel for you William. I think there are a lot of things in modern society that aren't fair to men or women. I'm not sure why things change in relationships but I know that no one should be unhappy and feeling unsatisfied. I would suggest honesty and openness. I can take almost anything except being lied to, so if I were with a guy and he were thinking the kinds of things you are thinking I would want to know about it and try to come to some resolution. Seriously, my heart goes out to you.

 

[Anguille]

I can't help thinking that Billy just discovered his wife is an octoroon.

 

[dilloduck]

I can't help thinking that Billy just discovered his wife is an octoroon.

aw cmon--the guy shows his warm human side and ya gotta just jump on him. No wonder us menfolk don't share our deep feelings .

 

[Anguille]

I can't help thinking that Billy just discovered his wife is an octoroon.

aw cmon--the guy shows his warm human side and ya gotta just jump on him. No wonder us menfolk don't share our deep feelings .

I thought it was because we didn't shave under our wings.

 

[PoliticalChic]

But, there are a whole lot of people out there who are neither sick, nor disabled, who simply have no desire to have sex with their significant other. They just stop...for reasons that frankly baffle me. They don't even try. And then, they expect the other person to remain faithful, to not pursue sex outside the bonds of marriage, and to keep supporting them.

In general, I've found that the people who choose to stop having sex are women, who still expect the man to keep providing for them financially. In my friend's case, it has been YEARS since his wife allowed him to have sex with her. Or, for that matter, to sleep in her bed. And, this is an attractive man with good hygiene. There is literally no reason that I can think of that this woman refuses to even TOUCH HIM. Or, sleep next to him.

What's wrong with that picture?

Obviously, a lot... but to some of the posters in this thread, he's either got to divorce her or jerk off until one of the two of them dies. I don't know... I'm all for loyalty, but it seems that in circumstances like this, it wouldn't be immoral to, eh, seek some comfort.

I also think, at the risk of turning this into a men v. women thread, that men are kinda screwed today in marriage. (I know they are in divorce... read Alex Baldwin's book on this.) It's basically a function of how feminism gave women a ton of extra rights, but men got nothing in exchange... for instance, one advantage of a more traditional time was that a woman didn't work all day long and come home as dog-tired as her husband... so maybe sex was a little easier then? Just guessing.

I understand that marriage and kids are a sacrifice. Fine with that. Wouldn't have it any other way... but I do have this one little question about the sex (or "no sex") thing. It seems to me that's pushing it too far. The woman of today gets to have her career, her kids, all the comfort and security of a bygone era, doors opened, earmuffs, diamonds, you name it. But the MAN of today still has to work his ass off, and gets NONE of those little pleasures of yesteryear (can't hang with the fellas, can't have a wife in pearls who kisses him when he gets home, can't have a cigar...) A lot of the time, he's like a "half woman" around the house (I do most of the vacuuming at my house, for instance)... I don't know. It's kinda screwed up, I think, and I know women have legit beefs about modern society. But men do, too. Men have been severely busted down over the years, with no let-up in effort they have to expend.

So, not to derail my own thread, but I guess the expectation of fidelity was more rational when the woman was at home as a housewife. And no, I'm not suggesting that all women be forced out of the workforce, just thinking out loud here.

You've touched on a lot of important issues here.

The rules of the game have changed quite a bit. When a woman stayed home, and she was a housewife and raised kids, the expectation of sex on a regular basis may have seemed more reasonable. Today, with most women working out of the house and continuing to cook, doing almost all domestic chores as doing the wash and cleaning the house, and looking after kids' bedtimes and homework, makes for very tired wives.

The line between husbandly duties and wifely duties have blurred. If you're living in the 21st century America and you think it's "unmanly" to do the dishes or make a few meals, think again. There are husbands staying at home raising their kids, while the wives bring home the bacon, is that less manly? So don't expect to have a perky wife at 10:30 at night if you haven't helped her with the cooking and cleaning, and have expected the house to be in order.

I've worked outside of the home (due to choice, not necessity) and now I'm home, homeschooling my kids. While we live a conservative lifestyle, our views toward spouses' roles are not conventional. My husband has said to me, "You spend too much time in the kitchen..." He will vacuum if he sees that a room needs vacuuming. He's more like a frontier type of guy that would prefer to do things for himself. I also don't mind picking up some tools and putting together a piece of furniture.

I think men have lost respect in the the current society. It started with women's lib, but I think that's another thread.

I agree with Catz, that it is foolish for women to believe that they can refuse sex and the expect the relationship to stay in equilibrium. What if the husband just refused to do some of the things that were taken for granted? What if he went on strike and refused to change the oil in the car or forget to mow the lawn? Maybe that will get her attention.

 

[GHook93]

According to my sister "Men have to have sex to feel loved, women have to feel loved to have sex."

I would change that. "Men have sex to feel pleasure, woment have to feel loved, nutured and in control in order to consider having sex!"

Many women are much more sexual before marriage. Its like if you had your choices of which diner to go to, that diner would have to compete for your business. They would have to be open at reasonable times, including 24 hrs in some cases, offer specials and exotic dishes, give discounts and prepare the food well. Not if all the diner closed down except one (meaning commit to just one), your stuck going to that one. That diner has much less incentive to please the customer. No more 24 hours, in fact most nights the diner is closed, no more specials or maybe the once blue moon special and not more discounts, you have to work for it and the prices increase 10 fold.