The hardest part of being a FF was always that look of despair residents had watching their lives go up in flames, it's a heartache most of us can't begin to even get our heads around, one i wish you'll eventually be free of Gracie....~S~MrG has panic attacks. Or rather..did. Doctor put him on lexapro. I have depression myself but take nothing for it. I just...deal with it the best I can. Usually by visiting cute animal/nature pics via google. Or, I sleep alot. It hasn't gotten better either over the years...and about 3 years or so ago I was diagnosed with ptsd due to the Paradise Fire. I can't go anywhere without having to come back home to make sure the oven is not on, or the burners. Fire freaks me out now. I have always loved wind and rain, but now wind makes me nervous. What if it blows another power line and it starts another fire? I have never been without a dog...but I haven't had one since Karma died just prior to the fire. She was my emotional support dog but I am afraid to get another one even if I could (where I live is one pet only policy and I have a feral cat I tamed). If I got another dog, it would die too eventually. Too painful for me to have to do what needs done. I had 3 dogs and 1 cat. All dead. Lost it all. Then lost it all again in the fire. Back to semi normal now, with a roof I am not crazy about (apt complex has dumb rules, is not clean, is noisy, but its a roof), but what if I wind back up homeless again? Paranoia. Fear. Despair. Disgust at what the USA is experiencing now. Dealing with MrG even though he takes his meds faithfully, etc etc etc.
I find myself withdrawing more and more and becoming more grumpy. Not sure if thats a good sign or not.