Apparently you haven't convinced all those guys you want as boyfriends that you're not.
What do you think is the reason for me not being able to find a boyfriend
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MayorQuimby
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All those guys I want? To be fair sir, I think I only hit on one.
BothWings
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People who analyze the opposite sex as a whole group and "how to attract them" seem to have been the least lucky people in my observation and experience. At times I have quietly analyzed female partners I've had and the relationships I had with them, but it has been on a personal level, AFTER we were courting or officially "together". I'm not a Casanova, nor womanizer by any means, but I feel I've had some good catches in the past. Until I got married 17 years ago I was a consecutive monogamist. I didnt cheat or play the field, and wouldnt tolerate much of it from my mates either. I would take each as far as they would go, and once or twice I did suffer true heartbreak. That was LONG ago. I even grew tired of some of the shenanigans of the TYPE of women I seemed to attract overall, and in the very late 90's I underwent a period of self-imposed celibacy and alienation of women. Basically didn't want to have anything to do with them for awhile! 
After a few years of that, I met the woman who became my wife and she was a bit different than the types I had attracted for most of my teens and 20's...but also still somewhat similar. I still don't fully understand what happened there, but I know many people have gone through exactly the same kind of thing. One such person is Lenny Kravitz...and apparently he did it for much longer than I did. For me it was about 3 or 4 years. From what I understand Lenny's been still a bit for like 10 years or something! 
But anyway, my relationship with my wife has similar emotional dynamics with me as my most of my ex's, but is different in only one way that I can explain. At one point my wife told me that in her school days, her friends told her she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, she was looking for a husband. And I think we are similar in that way. Since Day 1 I was really looking for a wife, and that scared the gregarious little playgirls who were attracted to me away. We are also both kind of serious people who the more fickle and light-hearted people felt they had to tease. All the teasing in the world would never convince me I was wrong in my convictions about love, partnership and marriage.
Anyway, to this day I know pretty why some of my past relationships didn't work out. I know what I did wrong and I know what they did wrong. And none of my past relationships really lasted past two or three years. But as of 2008 I have been with the same person with no desire to play the field even though I get casual flirtatious gestures from women almost every day. Frankly I don't give a damn, just like back then I didn't give a damn about casual flirtation either, no matter how beautiful or sexy the female was. And that's not to say I don't have standards because, I probably wouldn't give a woman who wasn't somewhat fit and above average intelligence much of a chance. And I don't mean they have to look like a model or be an athlete or a drop dead knockout either. Just fit, healthy and intelligent...and gave self respect without being arrogant.
At times I finally antics of both sexes as they pursue each other and try to prove themselves hilarious, and other times sickening, contemptible and in fact INFERIOR.
So anyway, I think you may be setting yourself back by trying to analyze how find Mr. Right. As I said in the beginning I think people who do that tend to be the least lucky. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck and happiness.
After a few years of that, I met the woman who became my wife and she was a bit different than the types I had attracted for most of my teens and 20's...but also still somewhat similar. I still don't fully understand what happened there, but I know many people have gone through exactly the same kind of thing. One such person is Lenny Kravitz...and apparently he did it for much longer than I did. For me it was about 3 or 4 years. From what I understand Lenny's been still a bit for like 10 years or something! But anyway, my relationship with my wife has similar emotional dynamics with me as my most of my ex's, but is different in only one way that I can explain. At one point my wife told me that in her school days, her friends told her she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, she was looking for a husband. And I think we are similar in that way. Since Day 1 I was really looking for a wife, and that scared the gregarious little playgirls who were attracted to me away. We are also both kind of serious people who the more fickle and light-hearted people felt they had to tease. All the teasing in the world would never convince me I was wrong in my convictions about love, partnership and marriage.
Anyway, to this day I know pretty why some of my past relationships didn't work out. I know what I did wrong and I know what they did wrong. And none of my past relationships really lasted past two or three years. But as of 2008 I have been with the same person with no desire to play the field even though I get casual flirtatious gestures from women almost every day. Frankly I don't give a damn, just like back then I didn't give a damn about casual flirtation either, no matter how beautiful or sexy the female was. And that's not to say I don't have standards because, I probably wouldn't give a woman who wasn't somewhat fit and above average intelligence much of a chance. And I don't mean they have to look like a model or be an athlete or a drop dead knockout either. Just fit, healthy and intelligent...and gave self respect without being arrogant.
At times I finally antics of both sexes as they pursue each other and try to prove themselves hilarious, and other times sickening, contemptible and in fact INFERIOR.
So anyway, I think you may be setting yourself back by trying to analyze how find Mr. Right. As I said in the beginning I think people who do that tend to be the least lucky. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck and happiness.
- Sep 16, 2012
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Déjà vu. I have read this same thread many times, but from another member. . . . .
Flopper
Diamond Member
Be yourself but show an honest interest in the other person. Probably the biggest turnoff in relationships with the same sex or opposite sex is concentrating on yourself; that is; what you like to do, where you like to go, and what you think about this, that and the other.
In conversation use the other person's name. "Jim, do you really think.... look the person in eye but don't stair. And no matter, how interesting something might be to you, never allow the conversation to become a monolog.
MayorQuimby
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Thank you sir and it was very well-written. I can tell you must be a very intelligent person.People who analyze the opposite sex as a whole group and "how to attract them" seem to have been the least lucky people in my observation and experience. At times I have quietly analyzed female partners I've had and the relationships I had with them, but it has been on a personal level, AFTER we were courting or officially "together". I'm not a Casanova, nor womanizer by any means, but I feel I've had some good catches in the past. Until I got married 17 years ago I was a consecutive monogamist. I didnt cheat or play the field, and wouldnt tolerate much of it from my mates either. I would take each as far as they would go, and once or twice I did suffer true heartbreak. That was LONG ago. I even grew tired of some of the shenanigans of the TYPE of women I seemed to attract overall, and in the very late 90's I underwent a period of self-imposed celibacy and alienation of women. Basically didn't want to have anything to do with them for awhile!
But anyway, my relationship with my wife has similar emotional dynamics with me as my most of my ex's, but is different in only one way that I can explain. At one point my wife told me that in her school days, her friends told her she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, she was looking for a husband. And I think we are similar in that way. Since Day 1 I was really looking for a wife, and that scared the gregarious little playgirls who were attracted to me away. We are also both kind of serious people who the more fickle and light-hearted people felt they had to tease. All the teasing in the world would never convince me I was wrong in my convictions about love, partnership and marriage.
Anyway, to this day I know pretty why some of my past relationships didn't work out. I know what I did wrong and I know what they did wrong. And none of my past relationships really lasted past two or three years. But as of 2008 I have been with the same person with no desire to play the field even though I get casual flirtatious gestures from women almost every day. Frankly I don't give a damn, just like back then I didn't give a damn about casual flirtation either, no matter how beautiful or sexy the female was. And that's not to say I don't have standards because, I probably wouldn't give a woman who wasn't somewhat fit and above average intelligence much of a chance. And I don't mean they have to look like a model or be an athlete or a drop dead knockout either. Just fit, healthy and intelligent...and gave self respect without being arrogant.
At times I finally antics of both sexes as they pursue each other and try to prove themselves hilarious, and other times sickening, contemptible and in fact INFERIOR.
So anyway, I think you may be setting yourself back by trying to analyze how find Mr. Right. As I said in the beginning I think people who do that tend to be the least lucky. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck and happiness.
View attachment 1145149
You hit the nail on the head with the "I was more looking for a wife" thing. I think I am the same way. I remember telling people online that I wanted to move to a university town to find a husband and they were like telling me it was the wrong mindset. Said things like how I would scare men away. But anyway, I honestly feel that dating that does not lead to marriage is a huge waste of time. The only reason I would date multiple men is so that I can find one who is the most suitable partner for me, you know, try and cast the net wide. If I ever find one that's the whole package for me, I see no reason to sample the delights of all the rest of them. I just want to settle down, find a guy to share life with, and then move onto the next chapter of my life. I have never understood people who date for the sake of dating. Dating takes up a huge amount of time and energy. Honestly, dating is almost like a chore to me.
MayorQuimby
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Déjà vu. I have read this same thread many times, but from another member. . . . .
Lol? Whoever that poster was, I assure you I am not him/her.
Good advice.
MarathonMike
Diamond Member
OK. You might try some things that are outside your comfort zone. That's all I'm saying.
MayorQuimby
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I never meant to imply that it was.
But that member comes here, primarily posting about three things, behavior of white folks that puzzle him, after that, sports, and primarily he comes here talking about how difficult it is for him to even find prospective mates.
And his problem, from my POV, is identical to yours.
Both of you have a list, or an "ideal," in your head, and potential mates must check off a majority of traits on that list to be acceptable folks to date.
Someone remarked previously, stop with the Hallmark movies, etc.
. . . but he, like you, can't bring himself to do all this work in person, he relies on the internet. While the internet can facilitate the search, IMO, folks that are most successful do all that work in person.
If you aren't working on your Rizz, you will more than likely fail when you meet someone in person.
I'd say, since '94, the art of courtship, flirting, non-verbal cues, etc. has been lost to a good portion of folks of both sexes. Everyone from millenial and younger, they just don't know how to do it anymore b/c of the internets.
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MayorQuimby
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Lol really? I am pretty sure I don't talk about sports or white people's behaviors.
Hmm....what are you saying sir? That I shouldn't have a type? I don't really have like a checklist, really, he just has to have the look I like, be somewhat intelligent, and is a likable person to me. There is a lot of room for variation within these, too. For example, I am attracted to many different personality types. I can appreciate the strong, quiet type, and I can also like the chatty, social butterfly type. I really don't have a set, rigid list in my head that goes, "OK, my dream guy has to be 6 foot 4, he has to graduate from certain colleges, ideally a Sagittarius but never a Scorpio..." you get the point.
No disagreement there sir.
Hmm...that Rizz thing....honestly, I feel that its not as important for women as it is for men. Personally, I have found that as long as I am pleasant enough, you know, smile a lot, ask questions about him, listen, show interest in him, and generally be a joy to be around, I don't really need to be super charming or anything.
To me, a missed romantic opportunity would be like, if a guy comes up to me and asks for my name, and I panic and run away, that's a missed opportunity. But not sitting next to a hot guy is just....not acting out of character for me. There is just no way, simply no way, that I am ever going to show interest in a man, unless he shows it first. What if he isn't interested in me? It would be totally humiliating. I am not risking that again.
JustAnotherNut
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If you like to read, then go to the library or book stores. If you find someone that interests you and they seem interested in you too, then just ask him to reach the book on the top shelf for you......or something similar. It doesn't have to be complicated and be willing and open to all options, rather than your preconceived expectations because you'll never find anyone that fits. It's usually the ones that you'd never have expected, or wanted or thought you'd be interested in......that turn out to be the perfect mate.
Crepitus
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Maybe you spend to much time on political chats?
MayorQuimby
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That's very obvious though. If I were a guy and a girl asked me that, I'd know she wants my dick.
That is the result, not the cause, of not having a boyfriend, sir.
Manonthestreet
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When you least expect someone will find you or vice versa. I was 35 living in a really nice cheap basement apt not really looking for anyone when a girl in the same building working for a different company rang me up at midnight to come pick her up cause she was sick of her boyfriend. Gorgeous gal 11 yrs younger...yeah I'll be right there. No hesitation. Still married after 25 plus yrs with 2:grown daughters. Chin up smile, maybe make the first move
Crepitus
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Where are you looking?
Flopper
Diamond Member
As I read these posts, I think that many people that have problems getting boyfriends or girlfriends never learned how to make friends that is developing certain skills such as:
Being an active listener
Showing appreciation
Being empathic
Noting what people are interesting in
Greeting a person by using their name
However, before trying to build a friendship, it is very important that the person is someone you actually like.
The Duke
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Desperation will drive dudes away hella fast. Whether you have serious problems or not.
Not sure why, IMO, I would think it would be the other way, but it isn't.
Hi Heather!
The Duke
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Of what quality?
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