I have had mediumship experiences although they were not "on command" like psychic seem to be on tv talk shows.
Still, I am not sure if what is being sensed is a the grieving persons memory of someone or if a spirit actually is there communicating.
I think buddhists try to overcome attachment because we die and we can't be attached to anyone or anything, but then life seems pointless if you attach no meaning to it.
Hi Drifter Great Thread! Lots of thoughtful responses. I went through and didn't find any post where I had replied yet. there were lots of good topics herein:
1. where do you go after death or what is the meaning/purpose of life (may be 2 things)
2. favorite philosopher or philosophy (I can think of 3 that relate to this)
3. any religious validity to mediums contacting the dead
4. dealing with depression or fear of death (may be 2 things)
5. suicide causes and theories or prevention
6. and this dilemma over what Buddhism means if there is supposed to be detachment
I will try to answer all 6 as short as possible in one message (ha ha)
If I don't finish yet, but get interrupted, can we discuss the numbered points separately.
isn't there a whole philosophy based on the study of death? Thanatology?
1a. what I understand is that the spiritual energy of the person goes to another level,
and I believe it connects us to people in the past and in the future, the same as when we are living;
but because we are no longer limited by empirical perception and physical incarnation, then
this energy is more free to work on different levels, so this is what it means for people to become like angels in heaven.
I believe the same way you can have soulmates you connect with in life consciously,
you can be soulmates with people who live before or after you separated in time,
so you can still influence each other with shared inspirations or goals in life,
like the Founding Fathers influencing generations today by the words and laws passed down in our culture and our spirit,
and how likewise we the future society were the influence for them to give their lives and work so hard to build a self-checking
system of democratic process that could handled changes and reforms as civilly as possible by government of the people.
So this is very helpful to me to see the co-influencing connection where it's not just the past influencing the future,
but also vice versa, because they are connected spiritual regardless which events occur where in time. This is the
level that prayers work, so that is why forgiveness is important to free up the connections to follow positive directions
and not stay stuck repeating negative patterns of the past in a retributive vicious cycle.
so the point of life is to act unconditionally in serving the same spiritual purpose in life as we would do beyond this life.
healing from loss due to death or broken relations is also facilitated by this unconditional love for others that is
independent of our physical relationship, or part of the detachment to prevent undue suffering.
1b and 2. for purpose or meaning in life, this is my stock answer on yahoo answers:
"To understand and appreciate the beauty in everything and every person around you, the interconnected design of all elements in harmony with the greater whole, and the love and good purpose in everything in creation or the universe."
So again the idea is that some of the parts of the process we serve is done when we are living on earth
in our physical bodies and roles in relation to others, and some is done on a collective spiritual process on a higher level.
2. my teacher friend and mentor Jean White described death as moving to another room in the same house,
so she can hear and see what everyone else is doing, but she is like in a hallway or some other place
where we can't hear or see her. she said for us not to worry or miss her because she would be doing work
on another spiritual plane, and this is part of the bigger plan to work where we are needed to effect certain steps or changes.
Since she left this earth right after 9/11 I assume she was called to a higher spiritual plane to counsel souls that suddenly found themselves out of their bodies and there was a lot of grieving going on, so she may have served as a spiritual counselor that way,
the same way she helped people on earth counsel and solve problems while she was on this plane.
here is a song I wrote lyrics for as a 9/11 tribute after Jean died
http://www.houstonprogressive.org/believe/believe.html
2 and 4. another philosophy of death is that it means spiritual change. so you are either shifting from earthly life to spiritual life in other forms or levels, or you can even die and become another person in life when you let go of your past and reborn in a new world. so that way of interpreting death is unconditional and can occur regardless if you die physically or spiritually.
And it explains the feath of death as a combination of fear of change and fear of the unknown.
when you are okay with change 'unconditionally' no matter what happens then you fear death less and less.
3. through prayers and empathy yes, it is possible to tap into the past and future thoughts of people outside our presence.
See other point about having soulmates either in our lives where we have conscious contact, or outside where we can share spiritual aspirations that motivate us to achieve certain goals in our respective lives and realm of influence and culture we are in.
Christians will emphasize only to pray within the spirit and authority of Christ Jesus to ensure any evil spirits or manipulations are filtered out, since the positive energy of spiritual healing clashes with negative self-willed energies associated with spiritism with the occult, witchcraft, voodoo and other sorcery that is against the authority or spirit of Christian prayer. there are some natural healing and spiritual connections that are compatible with Christian prayer and not against, but anything self-willed or against someone or something tends to be in conflict with Christ which is supposed to mean setting aside all self will and submitted to universal will for all.
4. I mentioned some ways of framing the fear of death where it is more approachable.
The main thing is to FORGIVE anything that makes us afraid, and ask help with understanding where our love of what is good that we can do something about is greater than anything bad we can't control directly.
The best ways I know to deal with depression is to embrace it and work with it; don't fear it or that makes it worse.
To see it as a natural state of mind it goes into in order to clean out and re-examine past thoughts and actions
without a lot of distracting business or activity going on. When your mind and life slow down that is to give you space
to sit still and work through things quietly, so use that quiet downtime as an advantage to do some inner work and not
busy yourself running around with social interactions where the focus is external. Think of how factories go on shut down
to clean up and clean out for safety. or how Buddhists deliberately cease all extraneous thoughts and actions in order to meditate.
So use depressed states of mind to work through things, and eventually when this work is done and the focus is more on interacting
with others then things will shift more in that direction.
5. After a friend went on a suicide scare, and went onto forums online to counsel how to deal with that,
I developed an analogy as to what is going on with suicide to make it more workable with.
My analogy is like a robber that attacks and breaks into someone's house to rob someone of the will to live.
sometimes people survive the attack and robbery. sometimes other people die as a result of the attack as a consequence.
So you don't blame the victim of the attack, but look at what attacked them, which is an invisible force in the spirit.
So people find it easier to blame the victim who is someone they can see. or they have survivor's guilt if they lived
but their loved one died and they didn't do enough to stop the attack, or the feel they are the ones who invited the
robber to break in not knowing it would lead to this. Just like with crimes, sometimes we blame ourselves or blame others
but it is the attacker that took that will to live.
The 3 most common causes I see of suicides
a. "losing the will to live" where the energy physicall mentally and/or spiritually drains from the person, like losing energy to a circuit and it just dies out. the solution to this is to stay connected to life energy, usually by forgiving and removing any blocks to the circuitry
on a spiritual level, so that people stay connected to the life flow and the healing life energy can push out anything negative. this is why prayers are so important for unconditional forgiveness and blessing even those we most fear persecution or hatred. that is what opens the door to unblock our connected circuitry for positive energy and thoughts and love to flow, not anger or hate or negatives.
some buddhists even teach that the less we hold onto jealous or negative thoughts toward others, we will even see an end to 'natural disaster' caused by disruptive or unequal energy flow, and which cause the world to come together in compassion
and charity; if we already practice unconditional compassion and charity we won't have to see these disasters to force us to change.
christian scripture also contains references to witnessing innocents being killed by war as moving others to repent and be humbled.
so one day war will be no more if we become so aware and connected that we prevent these things from escalating to that point.
b. intense or sudden anger where the act of killing oneself or others is to say FU that this is not acceptable
again forgiveness and being able to offset that rage where it does not consume someone's will where they go as far as to kill
c. unbearable pain either physical or emotionally that pushes people to die to end the pain and suffering as the only way out
again praying for forgiveness to remove whatever this pain is "attached" to has worked to save people from suffering suicidally.
the AA and recovery steps to overcome addiction, abuse, grief etc. all are based on forgiveness in layers of past experiences
and undoing all that emotional conditioning keeping us stuck with emotions we don't want. So the negative emotions whether anger or depression serve as means to work on ourselves to identify these thoughts and areas to remove/detach to improve ourselves.
6. as for Buddhism the point of detachment is not to walk around in a state of not caring about anything or committing to nothing
it is to be able to let go so whatever we do is unconditional and not dependent on X Y Z outcome which we cannot predict or control
So when we do let go, we should be able to see more clearly what words, thoughts, actions to choose
to remain unconditional and to feel at peace no matter what the conditions we experience in the past present or future
we do commit to what is unconditionally just and peaceful, what is consistent with wisdom and compassion for all beings
and all creation equally as ourselves.
in order to get to those points, the first step is to detach but you don't stay there that is part of the process. And yes you constantly do reality checks, and detach again from perceptions or expectations to make sure what you are doing is truly consistent and unconditionally, and not setting you up to be miserable if things don't end up a certain way you imagine in your mind.
Drifter if I may encourage you, I believe you have an advantage in being open and not knowing answers
and knowing you don't know. I trust when you find answers that make sense and are consistent with what works
for you, of course, you will follow and apply those, but not with the expectation attached of X Y Z. but because
they work in the present to allow whatever else goes on or is true in the world to take place and you are okay with that,
"no mattter what" it is or which way it goes. So you can be detached and committed to certain steps or focus,
and those do not contradict each other!
if you are afraid of death or change, just embrace and study these as you are doing here.
Those emotions will compel you to look deeper and find wisdom or insights that help you to be
effective and productive, so this is a good part and purpose of the process.
The less you fear the process, it will get easier and you can use any emotion or
stage you are going through to help you with certain steps of self-reflection or change.
So the more you see how it works, you will not be so afraid of change or unknown things in life.
The more you let go your conscience will be more open and clear so you can 'see change coming'
and you can prepare and don't have to be afraid.
So use this time to keep doing what you are doing,
and enjoy the process and what you get out of it!
Thanks for sharing and I hope you find a lot of
helpful thoughts and resources from others just by asking.
Take care and my prayers for you to find peace
and joy with this time in your life while you
embrace anything causing fearful or depressed thoughts or
feelings which are part of the spiritual process of growth.
Yours truly,
Love, Emily
two more philosophies I like:
Kahlil Gibran who said pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding
Dr. King Jr. who said men hate each other because they fear each other,
and fear each other because they don't know or understand each other,
and don't know each other because they can't communicate
because they are separated from each other, something like that.
To love is to understand.
And there is a Bible scripture that says
Perfect Love casts out all Fear
So I say it as
Let your Love be Greater than your Fear
We do our part to make you look good.
She is 94. She seems in good health, although if I hear that same joke one more time I am going to yell at her. 
She just moved into assisted house although it is not very assisted, just people around if one needs them. Of course I don't want her to go. I don't want to see her suffer either. It is an uncomfortable feeling.
