USMB Coffee Shop IV

[007]

Mom not doing so well... 91 1/2, pushing 92... can't walk and really can't stand anymore, has to be moved around with lift, dimentia getting worse, I think she's just shutting down. I surely would be.

I remember posting on here back in 10/2012 when my Paw passed away. Damn... time sure flies.

So sorry 007. I'll put her on the vigil list unless you prefer that I don't. That's a good long life, but yes, when the quality of life is gone, some just choose not to live on I think. My great aunt who lives here in Albuquerque is going on 93 and still lives alone, drives, etc. But I can tell she is slowing down. No dementia that I can detect but just not as sharp as she used to be. She has nobody left in her immediate family and no relatives she is really close to other than us. Hombre and I are no spring chickens ourselves, and I dread when she can no longer take care of herself. That's going to be tough.

Sounds like your great aunt is in the same predicament I am. My only immediate family around me is my younger sister 70 miles away. The only other family I have is my older sister 1,300 miles away in MT, but she isn't in the best health either and I imagine I'll certainly outlive her. So if I ever get to old and have to be put in a nursing home, I won't have anyone around to check on me on a regular basis. I'll be all alone. I could be ignored and/or abused and there wouldn't be anyone to help me, and I've already come to grips with the fact that I'll die alone. I've spent the majority of life living alone anyway so, I really don't care. I don't think I want a bunch of people around staring at me when I die anyway.

I kinda feel like Gracie. If I get to the point where I can't take care of myself alone in my home anymore, I'm just going to get me a few jugs of Wild Turkey whiskey, couple cases of beer, carton of cigarettes, and drink and smoke myself to death. I'm sure a bad hangover would kill me. Go out my way.

 

[Foxfyre]

Ugh. It has been super warm, high 90's, in Albuquerque the last several days and beginning tomorrow we're supposed to be 100 or more for the next several days. It is always hot here in the summer, but that kind of hot is unusual and we haven't experienced it for quite awhile. Oh well. This too shall pass.

 

[007]

Dr. just told little sis that he thinks Ma is "on her final journey," and recommends hospice care. She's slipping daily now and could actually go at any time. I think she's shutting down. Object now is to just make her comfortable and leave her alone. She'll soon be with Dad.

 

[Dajjal]

When I get to where I can't wipe my ass by myself any more, can't get out of bed, and in general nothing makes me even remotely happy...I'm gonna eat all my meds little at a time but as soon as I start getting dizzy from them, I'm gonna eat a bullet as well.

I know what you mean, because I have been through trauma myself with schizophrenia, and now I am getting old too. But my advice is if you have a firearm get rid of it. It is just to easy too shoot yourself when you are just having a bad day.

 

[Dajjal]

This picture is not moving.

 

[SFC Ollie]

Made the paper again.....

 

[Big Black Dog]

So sorry for your mother’s failing health. I lost both of my parents years ago and I understand what you are going through my friend. Blessings to you and prayers for a peaceful end to your mother’s journey.

 

[Gracie]

When I get to where I can't wipe my ass by myself any more, can't get out of bed, and in general nothing makes me even remotely happy...I'm gonna eat all my meds little at a time but as soon as I start getting dizzy from them, I'm gonna eat a bullet as well.

I know what you mean, because I have been through trauma myself with schizophrenia, and now I am getting old too. But my advice is if you have a firearm get rid of it. It is just to easy too shoot yourself when you are just having a bad day.

I'm afraid the bullet will rattle around in my head or blow my face off but...I'll live. So...the plan is to eat as many drugs I can that I KNOW I will OD on, THEN pull the trigger while I can. Out in the boonies of course, so I am not "saved".

My other plans when I lived at the beach and up in Paradise was to drive off the ridge (Paradise) with a gallon of gas dumped all over the enterior, light a cig, then use the gun on my head. At the beach, drive up to Ragged Point Inn (above cambria where that road takes you ABOVE the clouds), drive off the edge, same method.

Alas now I am in the hot ass valley. No ridge. I'llhave to drive back up to Paradise I guess, which is about an hour away. IF I can get to the ridge. All that work they are doing up there, it might be blocked off. And I wanna be sure there are no houses below. I wanna go, but I don't particularly want to take someone else with me, ya know?

OH, I've been planning this a long assed time. I refuse to be at the mercy of people who don't give a shit and will abuse me while I am helpless old lady stuck in a bed. Nope nope nope. Not gonna happen.

 

[Gracie]

It is just to easy too shoot yourself when you are just having a bad day.

lol. I always have bad days. Haven't done it yet. Why? Cuz my body still is mine to control.

 

[Big Black Dog]

Gracie I think it’s time you spoke to a mental health professional. You’re not being very rational with your descriptions of harming yourself. You should seek care STAT. You need a bit of professional help.

 

[Gracie]

Gracie I think it’s time you spoke to a mental health professional. You’re not being very rational with your descriptions of harming yourself. You should seek care STAT. You need a bit of professional help.

I vent. I'm depressed, but I ain't gonna do anything. Not right now anyway. Maybe in 10 years. I think I have that long. Hopefully not longer. lol

 

[Gracie]

Sorry...didn't mean to worry anyone. Its just my deepest thoughts. I have nobody else to spill it to. So I spill it here.

 

[Dajjal]

Sorry...didn't mean to worry anyone. Its just my deepest thoughts. I have nobody else to spill it to. So I spill it here.

I am sure nobody here minds you expressing your feelings, and they will all be supportive. I have told my story on another forum, and said things that had been locked in my head with nobody in my life I could talk to. I found getting things out of my head and onto a forum where I got feedback very therapeutic.
I am glad you are thinking you will live around ten more years and your plans for self release are not immediate. I doubt I will last more that ten or twenty years myself. In fact the way things are going with the corona virus, we may all be dead by Christmas so worrying about what may happen in ten years could be unnecessary. I try not to burden my mind with what will happen in the future as one days problems are enough to think about. I take it a day at a time. When I was troubled a spiritualist medium told me to ' keep on keeping on' . Its a simple idea but it makes sense.

 

[Gracie]

Well, to change the morbid topic at hand.....I watched Midway last night on tv. The new one. Is it just me that noticed the really BAD uniforms the costume director furnished the actors? Wrinkly, ill fitting, epaulets askew and in general..MESSY?
I didn't care for the movie. It seemed "rushed", and the actors...well....they acted like they didn't want to be there but needed the money.

 

[Foxfyre]

Made the paper again.....

Very cool. Almost all our closest friends know about you now.

 

[Foxfyre]

Dr. just told little sis that he thinks Ma is "on her final journey," and recommends hospice care. She's slipping daily now and could actually go at any time. I think she's shutting down. Object now is to just make her comfortable and leave her alone. She'll soon be with Dad.

We all have our time here on Earth, but it is tough when our loved one's are shutting down.

The quick goodbyes are easiest on us initially, but it is usually takes much longer to work through the grief process. The long goodbyes are much harder on us when we're getting through it, but also help with the grief process because we go through a lot of it while I loved one is still living. A lot of us are dealing with that, but especially hard when it is someone in your immediate family.

But Hospice is wonderful everywhere I have experienced it. Makes the process so much better for all including of course your loved one who is dying.

 

[Foxfyre]

Well, to change the morbid topic at hand.....I watched Midway last night on tv. The new one. Is it just me that noticed the really BAD uniforms the costume director furnished the actors? Wrinkly, ill fitting, epaulets askew and in general..MESSY?
I didn't care for the movie. It seemed "rushed", and the actors...well....they acted like they didn't want to be there but needed the money.

I didn't care for the original "Midway", so thanks for the heads up on the new one. (To be honest, I didn't KNOW there was a new one.) There are lots of movies out there, mostly from the last 10-15 years, that are as you describe. Disorganized or muddled or unimaginative plots, actors who don't seem to give a fig about their performance, little or no character development, indifferent directing, lousy sound tracks, and too often unnecessary special effects to cover up the other deficiencies.

So. . .our rather extensive movie collection is almost all from the 1940's through the 1990's. A few good ones made in the 21st century, but precious few.

 

[Shawnee_b]

View attachment 361395

This picture is not moving.

Funny, disfocus your eyes it stops.

 

[Foxfyre]

Good night darlinks. I really do love you guys.

And we continue to pray and/or send good vibes and/or positive thoughts and/or keep vigil for:

Harper
Pogo’s friend Pat and special comfort for Pogo,
Montrovant for continued progress in his transition.
Kat for wellness
JustAnotherNut for wellness
Mindful and healing for her shoulder.
Good results for Nosmo's step nephew dealing with difficult surgeries.
Beautress for wellness.
Prayers/positive vibes for gallantwarrior and impending surgeries.
Peach in the passing of Mr. Peach
Ringel and Ms Ringel - comfort, wellness, peace, love for both.
Gracie and Mr. G. for continued progress for solutions.
007 and his mom and family for comfort and peace.

And we keep the light on so others who have been away can find their way back and we hope they do.

 

[Gracie]

I just finished watching Joker. I am so glad I didn't have to pay to see that crap. Horrible movie. Boring. And I never realized just how fucked up Joaquin is, body wise. Love his eyes, but dayum...he needs to keep clothes on.