Just saw this, Mike. Hope you are getting on okay. My sister died the same year my husband did. I got out of limbo a year ago from the shock of it (both deaths), and came back here to USMB when most of the sorrow was gone, found a nice boyfriend who helped get my mowing machines working again, then he went in for a checkup at the VA, they found a spot on his lung, and after 6 months of harsh chemotherapy, he just died after his nurse daughter-in-law decided to do home hospice. 10 days later, he was gone. Somehow, I'm managing. He died June 24. It must've just been puppy love or something, because it's not like when my husband passed away and I was numb.
Every friendship, family membership, and long-time marriage ends at death, and your reaction may swing from total numbness for a couple of years to over it in 3 weeks. Life is funny.
I wish all good things for you and your family, the loss you already experienced from his alienation, and concerns about what could if been or would have, should have been. Coulda, woulda, shouldas, should be given to the back door after a short period of reflection, because that's all you really need to keep on living life out with what you have. Death can also be a positive teacher to clean up any part of your act that needs fixing if any.
I pray for those I lose. I didn't exactly understand my sister's loss, but at least she did not have to linger, which is characteristic of her whole life--she never lingered in a bad relationship when fed up, seldom reciprocated a kindness, was quick to rid herself of a conversation she did not want to have, gave more to a friendship she had with an abusive friend than any of her marriages, and her last husband scattered her ashes on "Lake Nekkid" on his 3,000 - acre ranch in Iola Texas, where they moved 3 days before she suddenly died. She had severe mood swings, and she must've swung. What can I say? I loved the little raggamuffin in spite of herself, and she knew it, too. Because underneath all the scatterbrained stuff, we were opposites, she was my sister, and we kind of accepted each other's egregious faults through all of it and there was a love and respect we had for each other no matter what. She was 9 years younger than me. Her husband may never remarry. He was totally smitten by her, just like the rest of us. Some people like roller coasters, too. lol
Good luck in dealing with your brother's passing. Prayers 'way up.