The reason I find this hard to accept is due to the reality of Seek and you shall find. You readily accept and agree with the scholar that says the Biblical accounts of Christ's death and resurrect don't necessarily mean it happened; and just as readily dismiss the work done by the atheist attorney that says the Biblical testimony rings true.
I've never wanted unicorns, fairies, elves, etc. to exist, so I don't know what it is like to want something that doesn't exist to exist. The closest I have come to that as a child was to pretend a tree branch was my trusty steed. Except, I did always know I was pretending. I used to pretend I was a Cherokee as well, and again, I always knew I was pretending.