Singles bar

[Book of Jeremiah]

Welcome to the USMB singles bar. Pull up a stool, order a drink and tell us about yourself.

must be current single or anytime in life single?

Either way. Doesn't matter. If married people have views on single life I would love to hear them.

I will tell you. You can make me a hot chocolate with some marshmellows as it is cold here too......

I was single for most of my life and enjoyed it immensely. I had no plans of being married, never wanted to be married although most of my unmarried girlfriends felt they were half a person until they met the other half who would complete them. I did not and do not view marriage that way. I find that those who do end up disappointed. Eventually I met someone who thought the same way I did and as I felt my life I decided to marry.

To be honest I am content either way. I do not find that marriage has any greater value than not being married when it comes to quality of life. As a Christian I believe one can focus more on God if they are not married. If you are married you have to consider everything the other person is doing and that includes going places you would rather not go, doing things you may not do otherwise do, etc. but then again they are in the same situation. (when married both are expected to attend weddings, parties, etc. ) I think if you are content not being married then don't get married, John. For those who are married I say ....bloom where you are planted. Your happiness does not depend on anyone else but yourself. My 2 cents. - Jeri

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Well, I am married,but it is in name only. I love him. But not in that way. Not like I used to. His ex best friends was his lover and companion for many years and while that affair was going on, the love I had for him died. Slowly and painfully too. But...I got over it. And he got over his affair. We divorced, but never really moved out. Then we got remarried two years ago because now that we are divorced and his affair is dead, we found we were best friends and should have been best friends from the get go instead of husband and wife.

And that nasty skank he loved more than me? It has been gone about 8 years now. It's name? Well, it had two. Jim Beam and Vodka.

So..in short...I am married. But I am single as well. I will never leave him. He will never leave me. Kinda like Will and Grace never really left each other although they did live separate lives.

I understand that very well but in a different way. When I married my husband I had not met his family. ( for single people I would advise strongly that you do this before marriage so you know what you are getting into ) They did not like the idea of his being married again. He had been single 15 years and they were very used to the status quo. It was a very difficult family to marry into. Alot of expectations, alot of control, manipulation, many challenges which I mainly hid myself from for over a decade. My husband seemed unable to speak up for himself or me and so this went on for a long time.

To the best of my knowledge I never did anything to offend them other than the fact I existed. At first I tried everything possible to accomodate them. I went out of my way when they came to our home, bought their children nice gifts, wrote letters to help the children with their reading problems, I did everything I could do and this only served to make them more resentful. To make this point clear if they call they might say Put X on the phone or is X there but otherwise there is no conversation..... they pretend I am not in the room, have never acknowledged my son ( and now my granddaughter who was born the day before Thanksgiving - no one called or said congratulations to us or to my son ) because in their eyes I am not worthy. I did not have their education or their lifestyle and while I made no comment to them about their own life choices they made a point of making me the object of their discontent.

It was only recently my husband said to me you know, I have to apologise to you for the way my family has treated you for 15 years. It has really been awful and I am going to write them a letter about it. ( he is still writing the letter ) To tell you the truth, Gracie, the letter does not matter any more. It really doesn't mean anything because the pain of everything that has happened is truly gone now. In it's place I do not feel anything about it. Like you I will always stay married and I love my husband as the person I made a vow before God to - and he is my friend and brother in Christ -my vow is for better or worse - I do not hold any unforgiveness as I can see you don't either - but neither can I say I have the same view of my marriage as I did before. For many years any time they complained about me he would yell at me over it. As a Christian I felt it was better not to try and vindicate myself although any time I did try to vindicate myself it only worsened the matter. I believe this drove me into a deeper place with God because He is my source of strength. I believe every suffering and trial has the potential to have that effect on a soul but there are certainly moments like now that I feel the need to say how I feel and I believe that is part of being human. We are humans, there are certain things that only one who is going through it can understand and when I read your response something in me related to that story and that while there is no bitterness or unforgiveness there are sometimes residual effects to such things because of the sheer length of time they were left unchecked. If that helps just one person deal with their own situations immediately rather than letting them linger on, then it is worth your sharing and my sharing what can happen when they don't. Have a nice day.

- Jeri

 

[Montrovant]

I've never been and almost surely never will be married, but I imagine I'm a far better roommate than spouse.

 

[Casjah]

Some people say "never say never.." NEVER. I will never get married. I see no use for it, and i am far too independent to commit to the same person for life. I have a girlfriend who i believe is also my bestfriend (and also married in an open relationship), and a few friends with benefits- and i am very happy with my life. My closest companions are my cats. Imo, there is no "right or wrong" when it comes to how a person chooses to live his/her life if they are not hurting anyone. Imo, single life is the best because there are more chances to learn, explore, and enjoy life to its fullest without obligations holding you down. Working and college are enough responsibilities for me. That being said, i know people who are married or in committed relationships who are very happy and wouldn't have it any other way. To each his or her own.

 

[Vox]

Welcome to the USMB singles bar. Pull up a stool, order a drink and tell us about yourself.

must be current single or anytime in life single?

Either way. Doesn't matter. If married people have views on single life I would love to hear them.

anything that makes you happy is good. Unless it harms the others, but I do not see any harm in anybody enjoying single life

Now, can I, please, have a Margarita?

 

[Gracie]

I am very happy katzndogs. Who wouldn't be, living with their best friend they trust with their life? We are old now...sown our wild oats, tried it as husband and wife, fought all the time....and now...we are just sitting in the proverbial rockers and being together to the end with each other because we were meant to be together. It feesl right. It is right. Just a bit different than the standard operating procedure that most other couples do.

Meanwhile...Jeri, my hubby's family has never acknowledged me. They are jehovah witness. I don't exist. Actually...neither does he to them, because he left that particular belief a long long long time ago.

We are good, he and I. Just like Will and Grace, but neither of us are gay. We are just good being in love via the heart and the body needs nothing more. At least for us.

 

[Gracie]

btw...we remarried because if we weren't...his lowlife family would be on the doorstep to take everything he owns and he wants me to be safe. And vice versa.

 

[Gracie]

Jeri....you and I have something in common now.
And pardon my french, but fuck 'em. That family. You don't need them to be happy with your own little family.
I consider it a blessing that they chose to not acknowlege me all these years (25+). No drama. No hassles. No fuss. No muss. They leave us alone. We have nothing to do with them. I think that is wonderful myself.

Now..I will be different and ask for a kahluah and milk...easy on the kahluah. Lots of ice.

 

[Katzndogz]

When I divorced my second husband I kept his family! His mother, father, aunts, uncles and cousins. I kept them all. Most are dead now, including said second husband. The cousins still hang around from time to time. We remained very close.

 

[Katzndogz]

Try a Smith and Currans. To die for. Kahluah and milk in a tall glass topped with club soda.

 

[Gracie]

I have been married before. I kept my ex mother in law. She was awesome. But she is now deceased.

That Smith and Currans sounds good! Topped with club soda? Sounds interesting!

I don't drink, so most alcoholic beverages are unknown to me. I usually drink virgin daiguiries, margaritas, etc. But Kahluah is good in coffee and over milk, however the last time I tasted it for real was bouat 25 years ago, lol. Cyberly, I can drink whatever I want.

 

[Katzndogz]

I had divorce clients that were very much in love. They adored each other. They just could not live together. He was an obsessive neat freak and she was a compulsive slob. The fought bitterly and daily. It was a very bad environment for their kids. As soon as they separated they would start seeing each other and the mess would start all over again. They couldn't live together and could not stand being apart. Counseling didn't help. It made things worse. After the fourth divorce, I met with the counselor myself. We went over the numerous divorce files and came to a suggested solution. Don't get divorced and don't live together. They both had decent incomes and could provide for themselves. He had his nice neat apartment and next door was the slob!

Not everything works for everyone. We all must find our own way.

 

[WheelieAddict]

I'm single and enjoying it at the moment. I'd like to order your finest whiskey on the rocks please.

 

[Katzndogz]

I have been married before. I kept my ex mother in law. She was awesome. But she is now deceased.

That Smith and Currans sounds good! Topped with club soda? Sounds interesting!

I don't drink, so most alcoholic beverages are unknown to me. I usually drink virgin daiguiries, margaritas, etc. But Kahluah is good in coffee and over milk, however the last time I tasted it for real was bouat 25 years ago, lol. Cyberly, I can drink whatever I want.

Many years ago in a dissolute youth, I got alcohol poisoning. I cannot drink hard liquor. It has the effect of ipecac. A glass of wine with a full dinner or a suitably diluted liquer is all I can do. Baileys in coffee is excellent.

You haven't almost died until you almost die of alcohol poisoning! I'd rather be stabbed.

 

[Katzndogz]

For years after we married my last husband and I didn't live together. He lived with his ex girlfriend and their daughter. I had a small place just for one and my cats and refused to move.

 

[Gracie]

Whatever works for all parties is best for those involved, lol.
Hubby has his own room. He has his beloved tools and toolboxes in there, all his Native American artifact from family sent from the rez and what he bought at yard sales and ebay; his desk is horrible and there is not one clear surface on it and he loves all the furkids sleeping with him.
MY room is bohemian, neat, clean, I know where everything is on my desk and the dogs sleep with me until nod off then go bounce in his bed. He has oodles of fluffy furry NA style blankets on his double bed and I have froo froo shabby chic bohemian Made In India beaded spreads all over mine and shitloads of pillows. We are so opposite...yet so much alike in our friendship. Especially food choices. TV shows...complete opposites, lol.

 

[BDBoop]

I am so glad this place is open 24/7. I need a hot buttered rum.

 

[Politico]

For years after we married my last husband and I didn't live together. He lived with his ex girlfriend and their daughter. I had a small place just for one and my cats and refused to move.

I need a double after reading that. Black Label please.

 

[Gracie]

I know lots of married couples that don't live together but are still couples. They just like having their own space and go back and forth from one to another. Sometimes together..sometimes not. No different than a truck driver that is gone for months at a time...or our soldiers overseas.

If it works for them...great.

 

[freedombecki]

Welcome to the USMB singles bar. Pull up a stool, order a drink and tell us about yourself.

must be current single or anytime in life single?

Either way. Doesn't matter. If married people have views on single life I would love to hear them.

Thanks, John. I only have one view of single folks--and it's not exactly "never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.
The trouble with that thesis is, I feel straying into someone else's head is like an invasion of privacy. So I choose the simpler "what you see is what you get" approach to others' doings, and let it go at that.

I have a greater respect for the patrons of your bar, after reading the entire thread, though. Kudos for making it through the bad times of life and learning coping mechanisms to deal with the errors of others.

And Kudos to you, John, for giving singles a place to help each other out.