make your own "the most interesting man in the world" bits

[shart_attack]

He has never heard of a Band-Aid because he has never needed one.

 

[shart_attack]

When his favorite football team goes on the road and he travels to see them, raucous fans speak in whispers so the players on his team can hear the play-calling.

 

[shart_attack]

He doesn't need a parachute when he skydives.

 

[shart_attack]

Videos on YouTube have never been interrupted by buffering when he's watched them.

 

[shart_attack]

Lightning often strikes the same place twice, just because he wants it to.

 

[shart_attack]

He has found a needle in a haystack — quite a few times, actually.

 

[Mad Scientist]

"I don't usually drink beer but when I do, I beat my wife and kids".

 

[RosieS]

Every tuxedo off the rack fits him perfectly.

Men's Wearhouse guarantees you'll like him.

He is encouraged to hold up his IPhone at Broadway plays.

Regards from Rosie

 

[shart_attack]

He has never had a random thought.

 

[shart_attack]

He has digested every kernel of corn he's ever chewed.

 

[shart_attack]

Sheep count HIM to get to sleep.

 

[shart_attack]

Cans of "whip ass" do not work against him.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never heard a rumor — only facts.

 

[shart_attack]

He was a classical pianist before he had his first lesson.

 

[shart_attack]

Rogue shopping carts in parking lots stop when they get to his car.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never forgotten to bring his swim trunks.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never been "trolled" on the Internet.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never heard of "the one who got away."

 

[shart_attack]

His loaves of bread have never molded.

 

[shart_attack]

He has never heard of "luck".