lets avoid a flamewar but discuss spanking your kids

[Zoom-boing]

Just wanted to add that for those that liked that our kids have no tvs in their rooms . . . if they had a computer with internet access, that would enable them to watch whatever they wanted in their rooms (via the internet). So, no computers either. Besides the internet is like letting the whole world into your kids bedroom. Nu uh, not doing that. With it in the living room we can keep an eye on them and what they're doing.

We have a tv in our bedroom, one in the family room w/comcast on demand box and one in the basement w/comcast on demand box. We utilize the parental controls with the on demand boxes . . . helps greatly when we don't want them watching stuff like mtv or movies or shows that we don't think are appropriate. Drives my son nuts cause he wants to watch all these 'action' type movies. Some are ok, some are not . . . depends on what they filter out (they frequently leave too much in, imo) The parental controls give us peace of mind.

I too am not a fan of TV in kids rooms.

However, most TV's can be programmed to show only "G-rated" shows, and even programmed only to operate during certain days and hours.

One of the advantages of giving the onery little tykes a TV, is that it gives you something else to take away from them as punishment.

True! We were thrilled the year that ipods were given as gifts and that the living room computer is new . .. and fast!

 

[blu]

I am dreading this day and having to teach my step-son driving.

heh....my 15 yo, who will be 16 this week, says "when can I get My Driver's License?"

Me: Do you have a car?
Him: No
Me: Then why do you need a licence?
Him:

are you planning on getting him a car or helping him get one? I was the lucky one kid in my entire grade whose parent's didn't buy them a car. everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday while I got to buy the $1000 93 grand am with my own money... I did put $500 worth of sound into it the day after I got it though.

 

[DiamondDave]

Coming from a kid's perspective, spanking just provokes a child. It always made me much more angry at my parent(s). But I guess it is effective for some people.

Then the follow thru lessons given were not good enough....

And kids will get angry at parents no matter how they are stopped from doing what they want to do....

I would rather have the child provoked or angry than not learning a lesson because the 'friend' parent does not hammer down or show the harsh consequences for actions

Coming from a parent's perspective... we know that the kid perspective lacks wisdom and experience enough to make all proper decisions and choices anyway... and if left to the 'kid perspective', the raising of the child would be much worse

 

[DiamondDave]

heh....my 15 yo, who will be 16 this week, says "when can I get My Driver's License?"

Me: Do you have a car?
Him: No
Me: Then why do you need a licence?
Him:

are you planning on getting him a car or helping him get one? I was the lucky one kid in my entire grade whose parent's didn't buy them a car. everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday while I got to buy the $1000 93 grand am with my own money... I did put $500 worth of sound into it the day after I got it though.

My daughter is a little over a year away from possible license and car time.... but we already have a deal...

She is to get a job FIRST.... during the first 6 months of that job, she is to save towards a car. Her mother and I are divorced and both will be responsible for getting her to and from work in the evenings during our respective custody weeks. During that time, her mother and I will match what she saves toward her first vehicle. I will LOAN the money for insurance, which will be the first expense immediately deducted from her paychecks. Insurance withdraw comes even before gas to use the vehicle and well before any wants to spend on entertainment and frivolous things. At any time if the responsibilities of the car are ignored, the car will be taken away regardless on the impact to her work or social life.

 

[Samson]

heh....my 15 yo, who will be 16 this week, says "when can I get My Driver's License?"

Me: Do you have a car?
Him: No
Me: Then why do you need a licence?
Him:

are you planning on getting him a car or helping him get one? I was the lucky one kid in my entire grade whose parent's didn't buy them a car. everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday while I got to buy the $1000 93 grand am with my own money... I did put $500 worth of sound into it the day after I got it though.

Him:

eventually, he'll say

Him: are you planning on getting me a car or helping me get one?
Me: No
Him:

again...several months later:

Him: everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday
Me: That's Great! Why don't they give you a ride?

Him:

Eventually, he'll "Get It: The Female of the Species Demand that He Must Have A Car."

To have a car, you must have money

To have money, you must have a job

To have a job, you gotta APPLY, and DISCIPLINE yourself, rearrange your life to an employer's schedule, etc. In other words, you become an adult. I refuse to rob my kid of this by giving him a fraking dime.

 

[Zoom-boing]

yea if my step-son continues his interest in programming and computers in general besides games and gets the computer in his room soon it won't have internet for a couple years. Whenever it does get internet I will probably setup web filters at the router as well

How do you do that?

almost every home router has filters, if you give me your router model I can look up to see if yours has it and how to do it. most models also let you limit the hours/days/times that PCs can be online althought this is usually based on IP address or MAC (network card) address so if your son knows how to change his IP or MAC he can get around that filter unless you make the filter work for every computer on the network which you may want anyway. you also should make sure the computer in his room doesn't have wireless because your filters are useless if he can just connect to your neighbors open wireless router.

I have a multi network card Linux box as my router and can do more than the home router's but the home router's are more than sufficient.

Our router is a Linksys by cisco, model WRT120N. I'm always worried that the kids are going to stumble upon the wrong website(s). Placing filters on it would be great.

None of our kids have a computer in their room, just the one in the living room. Our laptop is wireless, as is our oldest daughters computer. But when she comes home from college we have to turn off the modem and router for 10 seconds then turn it back on before she can access the internet. Same if we turn our laptop off at night .. . . we always have to 'reboot' the modem and router. Don't know if that has anything to do with filters or not or if that would cause a problem with using filters.

 

[blu]

are you planning on getting him a car or helping him get one? I was the lucky one kid in my entire grade whose parent's didn't buy them a car. everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday while I got to buy the $1000 93 grand am with my own money... I did put $500 worth of sound into it the day after I got it though.

My daughter is a little over a year away from possible license and car time.... but we already have a deal...

She is to get a job FIRST.... during the first 6 months of that job, she is to save towards a car. Her mother and I are divorced and both will be responsible for getting her to and from work in the evenings during our respective custody weeks. During that time, her mother and I will match what she saves toward her first vehicle. I will LOAN the money for insurance, which will be the first expense immediately deducted from her paychecks. Insurance withdraw comes even before gas to use the vehicle and well before any wants to spend on entertainment and frivolous things. At any time if the responsibilities of the car are ignored, the car will be taken away regardless on the impact to her work or social life.

I like this idea. I always thought the matching thing was awesome and I plan on doing something like it for my kid. I thought it was dumb that my parents didn't help me at all because I and sometimes them had to pay more to keep repairing the old POS than if they would have just got a decent car with warranty in the first place. I also had a good bit of money saved that was saved over 4 summers over full time, min wage work, so it wasn't like I didn't try

 

[blu]

are you planning on getting him a car or helping him get one? I was the lucky one kid in my entire grade whose parent's didn't buy them a car. everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday while I got to buy the $1000 93 grand am with my own money... I did put $500 worth of sound into it the day after I got it though.

Him:

eventually, he'll say

Him: are you planning on getting me a car or helping me get one?
Me: No
Him:

again...several months later:

Him: everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday
Me: That's Great! Why don't they give you a ride?

Him:

Eventually, he'll "Get It: The Female of the Species Demand that He Must Have A Car."

To have a car, you must have money

To have money, you must have a job

To have a job, you gotta APPLY, and DISCIPLINE yourself, rearrange your life to an employer's schedule, etc. In other words, you become an adult. I refuse to rob my kid of this by giving him a fraking dime.

yea i had to do this too, full time for 3 summers @ min wage, it would have been way cooler if my parents would have at least matched what I saved so I didn't have to drive around in a POS that broke down once a month. It was cool spending the money though, I felt "rich", it was 1k for the car, $500 worth of stereo the next day, $600 of initial repairs and the $700 for 6 months of insurance or w/e it was. Wiped about 3/4 my savings in 3 days. I also had to pay for my own cell starting at 14 or whenever I got it

 

[Zoom-boing]

I never got my license till I was 17 and thought even then that it was a good idea. Our oldest didn't get her permit till she was 16 1/2 and her license till she was 17. Had her first fender bender 1 month to the day of getting her license. My car. We split the cost of the deductible with her and told her that was a one time only deal. The next accident it was all on her.

She didn't have her own car till last summer so junior and senior year of h.s. she was dropped off/picked up for work until she got her license then she took one of our cars, usually mine. She didn't like driving a big car (honda pilot) but it's good to be familiar with big and little cars, imo. Her first year at college (last year) I drove to and from many, many times. Another reason why we limited her college choices to ones that were within a reasonable driving distance. She saved up and bought a 1999 Toyota Corolla last summer. She put a good down payment on it and we lent her the rest. She is paying us back each month. It'll take her 5 years to pay us back at the rate she's going but hey, she sure does take good care of that car. She pays for her insurance, although we do have her on our policy. I don't like this at all and would rather her have her own policy but it is astronomically expensive and she wouldn't be able to afford it.

Son will never drive, youngest will not get her license until she's 17. She's the one who will get the car keys taken away, I just know it.

Oh, and the oldest got a cell phone when she got a job and could foot the $700-$800/year bill. Same will apply to the 13 year old. We have several years of 'but all my friends have a cell phone' whining to put up with.

 

[KissMy]

I think any parent who spanks out of anger is wrong. This doesn't mean I don't think a child should be spanked.

any discipline out of pure anger is wrong

Absolutely correct about no discipline out of anger.

Spanking is just one of many tools that parents should not completely rule out, but should never be used as a primary form of discipline unless you want to turn them into a violent person.

Every child is different. What works wonders for one will have little effect on his sister. Study & know what really pushes each child's buttons is the best method I have discovered. One may flip-out if you take away their candy while the other one may hate to be rolled up tight in a blanket (with head exposed of course) for a 1 minute.

 

[blu]

Our router is a Linksys by cisco, model WRT120N.

ok browse to 192.168.1.1 , both the username and password is admin. once the page loads after logging in, go to the 'Access Restrictions' Tab and you should see all the filters available for your model.

None of our kids have a computer in their room, just the one in the living room. Our laptop is wireless, as is our oldest daughters computer. But when she comes home from college we have to turn off the modem and router for 10 seconds then turn it back on before she can access the internet. Same if we turn our laptop off at night .. . . we always have to 'reboot' the modem and router. Don't know if that has anything to do with filters or not or if that would cause a problem with using filters.

that isn't right and it might actually be bad beause when you power off the device for that long it 'forgets' its configuration and reverts to the default which would have the effect of removing the filter. Do you normally have a password on your router for people to connect? It might just be that your daughters laptop has the wrong password or is trying to connect without a password. either way its not supposed to be like that. also, you never enable MAC filtering right?

 

[blu]

I never got my license till I was 17 and thought even then that it was a good idea. Our oldest didn't get her permit till she was 16 1/2 and her license till she was 17. Had her first fender bender 1 month to the day of getting her license. My car. We split the cost of the deductible with her and told her that was a one time only deal. The next accident it was all on her.

She didn't have her own car till last summer so junior and senior year of h.s. she was dropped off/picked up for work until she got her license then she took one of our cars, usually mine. She didn't like driving a big car (honda pilot) but it's good to be familiar with big and little cars, imo. Her first year at college (last year) I drove to and from many, many times. Another reason why we limited her college choices to ones that were within a reasonable driving distance. She saved up and bought a 1999 Toyota Corolla last summer. She put a good down payment on it and we lent her the rest. She is paying us back each month. It'll take her 5 years to pay us back at the rate she's going but hey, she sure does take good care of that car. She pays for her insurance, although we do have her on our policy. I don't like this at all and would rather her have her own policy but it is astronomically expensive and she wouldn't be able to afford it.

don't like the limited part honestly :-\ was there any realy good schools far off that she had to miss out on?

 

[Big Fitz]

are you planning on getting him a car or helping him get one? I was the lucky one kid in my entire grade whose parent's didn't buy them a car. everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday while I got to buy the $1000 93 grand am with my own money... I did put $500 worth of sound into it the day after I got it though.

Him:

eventually, he'll say

Him: are you planning on getting me a car or helping me get one?
Me: No
Him:

again...several months later:

Him: everyone else got basically brand new cars on their birthday
Me: That's Great! Why don't they give you a ride?

Him:

Eventually, he'll "Get It: The Female of the Species Demand that He Must Have A Car."

To have a car, you must have money

To have money, you must have a job

To have a job, you gotta APPLY, and DISCIPLINE yourself, rearrange your life to an employer's schedule, etc. In other words, you become an adult. I refuse to rob my kid of this by giving him a fraking dime.

Can you be my dad?

 

[Samson]

To have a job, you gotta APPLY, and DISCIPLINE yourself, rearrange your life to an employer's schedule, etc. In other words, you become an adult. I refuse to rob my kid of this by giving him a fraking dime.

Can you be my dad?

Sorry, I've met my quota.

 

[critter]

i could understand for small things... but parents fail to look and do other punishments and they go with the easy route to get the punishment over for kids and them.

parents are wuss

 

[Nonelitist]

I believe in spanking, but never out of anger and age appropriate. Sometimes that is all that will get a childs attention.

I remember getting swats at school... and that was the late 70's.. not really that long ago.

 

[Samson]

i could understand for small things... but parents fail to look and do other punishments and they go with the easy route to get the punishment over for kids and them.

parents are wuss

Are you a parent?

Being well rested, lighthearted, and enlightenbed 24/7 so that when you're kid kicks the screen of your new 54" flat screen you calmly and rationally react?

 

[Newby]

My father would tell us we were getting our spanking before bedtime. We could go several hours with business as usual around the house then came the spanking.

Pretty messed up, but effective. I often wondered if we were his captive experiments lol.

haha thats awful. I would beg to just get it over with quickly, it probably would take the taste out of dinner

You think that anticipation is bad?? Try having to choose and cut your own switch that you will receive the whippin' with

I've heard numerous stories about my husband growing up as the youngest of six children. When one of them did something, none of them ever ratted. So their Dad would line them all up, oldest to youngest, and ask starting with the oldest to tell him who did whatever bad thing they were in trouble for. If you didn't tell, you had to go over and get your butt paddled. By the time their Dad got down to my husband he had already been balling his eyes out since the oldest kid got paddled that their Dad took pity on him and he'd get out of it. I think the anticipation is actually worse than the punishment itself.

 

[Big Black Dog]

My parents beat my ass when I was bad. Looking back, I usually deserved it. It didn't seem to hurt me any. You can tell the kids these days that don't have a clue as to what a good spanking is all about. They are usually the mouthy, rude, obnoxious, and out of control kids that really stand out in a crowd. I'm not saying brutalize your kids but a good ass thumping won't hurt them any. Once you get their attention, you can talk to them.

 

[Samson]

I think the anticipation is actually worse than the punishment itself.

I read BETWEEN the lines.

Just tell him you wanna be spanked....