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lets avoid a flamewar but discuss spanking your kids

blu

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I have flip flopped on this issue in the past, but think I firm in my beliefs on it now. Personally I think that spanking is acceptable until the kid is old enough to reason for themselves that what they are doing is wrong. Obviously since this has to do with maturity and reasoning skills the exact age the spankings would stop changes. Before the reasoning age kids really don't have enough mental ability to get how what they are doing effects others enough for them to stop doing it.

After this age I find "mental" punishment to be much more effective than physical. For instance with my step-son instead of any spanking when he does something wrong, we make him write notes/letters about how what he did affects others negatively and how it have others change their thoughts on him (like when he lies we can't trust him etc). These punishments seem to have a much longer lasting effect and actually cause him to reason why hes doing whats wrong instead of just fearing a quick spanking whose pain will go away shortly after.
 

DiamondDave

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I have spanked a few times... usually way back when they were still in diapers... when the sound and shock is more than any pain feeling they get

I think it is something that can put a child in their place... I have seen the result of the 'friend' parents, and I would never want that
 
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blu

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I have spanked a few times... usually way back when they were still in diapers... when the sound and shock is more than any pain feeling they get

I think it is something that can put a child in their place... I have seen the result of the 'friend' parents, and I would never want that

yea the "friend" parent is insane to me, it usually comes from a weak parent who can't take it if anyone is mad at them or upset with them. I don't think kids should be afraid of their parents but their should definitely be a level of respect more than "buddy buddy"
 

rightwinger

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Spanking just wasn't my style, but I could see the value in it if it done right. As a quick correction for a young child, it still is one of the best forms of discipline.
The formal, "I'm going to take my belt off and give you a whoop'n" that I used to see as a kid just don't seem to be effective.
When I was a kid, if a parent didn't spank, they were not looked at as good parents. If a kid acted up in public, people expected to see the kid spanked on the spot.... Now they call the cops
 

Madeline

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I have flip flopped on this issue in the past, but think I firm in my beliefs on it now. Personally I think that spanking is acceptable until the kid is old enough to reason for themselves that what they are doing is wrong. Obviously since this has to do with maturity and reasoning skills the exact age the spankings would stop changes. Before the reasoning age kids really don't have enough mental ability to get how what they are doing effects others enough for them to stop doing it.

After this age I find "mental" punishment to be much more effective than physical. For instance with my step-son instead of any spanking when he does something wrong, we make him write notes/letters about how what he did affects others negatively and how it have others change their thoughts on him (like when he lies we can't trust him etc). These punishments seem to have a much longer lasting effect and actually cause him to reason why hes doing whats wrong instead of just fearing a quick spanking whose pain will go away shortly after.

Parenting behaviors seem to come in and out of fashion like the mini-skirt in America. Spanking is only one such fashion accessory for the parent to select. It's preposterous at times, this goofy insistence that we all "do the wave" and adopt or adapt parenting behaviors en masse because some media bullshit artiste' has thought it Time To Change That.

In my own lifetime, I have seen the following:

Never breast feed. Bottle feed only on a rigid schedule
TV will make your kid a deliquent
Spank your neighbor's kid
Kids should do chores
The teacher is always right
Tattling on kids is good
Never bottle feed
Childbirth is not a medical procedure
Placenta soup recipes
Family beds
Spanking will make your kid a deliquent
Teachers are never right
Grades are just suggestions
Ignore the kid's bad behavior and it will stop
Privacy rights for kids -- in their homes
All kids get sociopathic thataway sometimes -- it's normal
Kids should never have five or more continuous minutes of "down time"

And on and on, ad nauseum.

Spanking a kid is neither good nor bad. If it suits you, as a parent and it suits the kid, then by all means, spank. If it makes your skin crawl, don't.

O, and BTW, just about any form of discipline beats that "ignore the kid's bad behavior and it will stop" theory, hands down. Laizze-faire parenting is not great for most kids, nor those of us who have to live with them.


 
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The absolute worst punishment that my parents ever inflicted on me was to separate me and my twin brother. We HATED being separated.... still do.
 

Vast LWC

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I haven't had any need to spank yet. But I think it is appropriate in some cases, like when a truly dangerous situation occurs and you need to make really, really sure it doesn't happen again.

In almost all cases, other methods are certainly effective, but there are those very rare occasions where it's definitely called for.
 
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blu

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I haven't had any need to spank yet. But I think it is appropriate in some cases, like when a truly dangerous situation occurs and you need to make really, really sure it doesn't happen again.

In almost all cases, other methods are certainly effective, but there are those very rare occasions where it's definitely called for.

how old is your kid(s)? I do definitely agree with dangerous situations especially with younger kids.
 

Gatekeeper

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How about Waterboarding, with-in reason of course?

I know, some are saying, "There's always one"
 
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blu

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The absolute worst punishment that my parents ever inflicted on me was to separate me and my twin brother. We HATED being separated.... still do.

they did that instead of spanking?
 
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The absolute worst punishment that my parents ever inflicted on me was to separate me and my twin brother. We HATED being separated.... still do.

they did that instead of spanking?

Yep. When one was in trouble, we were both in trouble. :lol::lol: We always did stuff together.... being sent to separate rooms was the worst possible punishment.
 

Luissa

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My parents spanked me, and only had to do it once in awhile, mostly because I had the fear in me. I just knew what would happen, and that was enough. I will spank my son, and I have tapped him on his diaper covered butt, and like someone else said you don't have to do it to where it hurts. I can tap my son on the butt, and there is no way it hurt him, but he knows he is in trouble.
My son also has a high pain tolerance, so I don't know how well spanking will work when he gets older. :lol:
 
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blu

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My parents spanked me, and only had to do it once in awhile, mostly because I had the fear in me. I just knew what would happen, and that was enough. I will spank my son, and I have tapped him on his diaper covered butt, and like someone else said you don't have to do it to where it hurts. I can tap my son on the butt, and there is no way it hurt him, but he knows he is in trouble.
My son also has a high pain tolerance, so I don't know how well spanking will work when he gets older. :lol:

Do you have a plan to end it at a certain age like I discussed in the OP or whats your thoughts on that?
 

Vast LWC

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I haven't had any need to spank yet. But I think it is appropriate in some cases, like when a truly dangerous situation occurs and you need to make really, really sure it doesn't happen again.

In almost all cases, other methods are certainly effective, but there are those very rare occasions where it's definitely called for.

how old is your kid(s)? I do definitely agree with dangerous situations especially with younger kids.

He's only 1 1/2. The need has not arisen as of yet. He's pretty responsive to "No". LOL.
 

Gatekeeper

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Funny how times change. Back when, it was politically and legally correct spank them, within reason of course, they got their feelings hurt more than anything, but at the same time knew they did something wrong.

Today, you need to hire a state negotiator today to reprimand your children. :lol:

I remember my grandson telling his dad, LOL, not too many years back when all this "Talk to them" instead of using "corporal punishment" as some called it and the publicized nonsense of "If your parents touch you call the authorities. Well, one day the 5 year old says to his dad after doing some really bad stuff with a permanent marker, "you touch me Im callin the cops"!

I almost pee'd myself, it would be funnier, if it weren't so messed up.
 

Madeline

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Playing with one of my friends' two year old one day, I asked him:

"What do you say if Mommy yells at you to stop?"

He looked at me, all wide-eyed and innocent.

"I want my lawyer!"

Mommy gave me the Look of Evil, and then we both laughed till we nearly peed ourselves

But the REASON it was funny is just wretched.
 

Gatekeeper

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Playing with one of my friends' two year old one day, I asked him:

"What do you say if Mommy yells at you to stop?"

He looked at me, all wide-eyed and innocent.

"I want my lawyer!"

Mommy gave me the Look of Evil, and then we both laughed till we nearly peed ourselves

But the REASON it was funny is just wretched.

THAT is too 'phunny', danged kids today have higher IQ's than ever before I am sure.
 

Terry

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I think any parent who spanks out of anger is wrong. This doesn't mean I don't think a child should be spanked.
 

Gatekeeper

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I think any parent who spanks out of anger is wrong. This doesn't mean I don't think a child should be spanked.

Of course, when done in anger it crosses the line and is just plain stupid. Eventually in many cases it would result in alienating your own children, plus pass on the insanity to their children.
 

Big Fitz

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Although it is preferable to discipline without using corporal punishment, sometimes you don't have the time or resources available to drive the point home in this manner. When these cases present themselves, I've been a strong proponant of giving the butt a swat or two, just enough to get the point across that this is serious/wrong and they need to obey.

I lived in a family culture that believed in spanking often because it was done once, and then never was done again for the same reason. It was rare and although I had a warm butt for an hour or so afterwards, it was enough negative stimulus that I, or my sister, or my cousins who also experienced it, rarely if ever repeated the transgression.

My grandmothers and great grandmothers were also masters of the 'earlobe lock' for getting the insubordinate child to move, quickly and succinctly to their room for grounding. The mere threat of that once it had been applied one time was enough to illicit quick compliance, removing the necessity of it ever being done again.

A friend of mine has a child who doesn't have to physically discipline their child because they started using the 'countdown' method, giving the child a choice to obey, knowing full well, that the punishment was sufficiently unpleasant enough to warrant obedience by "1".

All this said, there is a limit to how corporal punishment should be applied. How I see it:

Only to the buttand with an empty hand, never an object. An object often causes over application that may cause injury (a hot butt is not an injury, bruising is), and never to a spot off the butt which is highly resistant to such treatment. It should never be more than 5 swats and even then that should be seriously considered close to excessive. One is usually enough.

An 'Ear Lock' must be done only to motivate the child to move where you want to go in a smooth motion, no jerking. The intent is to use pain, like a bull with a nose ring to get the child to move where you need them to be. It should be rare and often only when the child is being extremely disruptive, or in a potentially dangerous situation they do not understand is a threat to them. Never on very young children who can be physically moved, but on older children whom are either too big for you to carry, or in a state that could put you in harm's way. The ear lock often ends that resistance too.

But that's my opinion on corporal punishment. It has it's place and rules that should be adhered to strictly and sparingly used, lest they lose their impact or transform into abuse.

Now if they'd only allow this in schools again, I think a lot of behavior problems would decrease dramatically.
 

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