if i vote for say this jo lady her vote total goes up 1.....biden and trump stay the same....how did i help one of them?....
By not adding a vote to the tally of the opponent of the major candidate you least prefer. This is a result of the ironclad fact that one of the two major candidates is going to win.
So, let's say you least prefer Biden. You vote for Jo. Biden gets 99 votes, and so does Trump. If you had voted for the one of the major two candidates you prefer (in this case, trump), you would have given trump a one vote edge. 100 to 99.
Instead, you vote for Jo. One less net vote for the major candidate you prefer.
Again, this is a simple, mathematical reality that arises from the fact that one of the major two candidates is going to win.