In other news...

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Michelle O said that "we need women president as soon is possible". Fortunately, there aren't any woman running at this time around. Hillary? That's not a women.

 

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...Mr. President, the whole world is on fire!
"I'm on it, just let me hit couple of fundraisers and put out on 18 and ... So, party, golf and..., what was that other thing?"

 

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... the Soros funded hate group Opportunity Agenda claimed that Thomas the tank engine, talking cartoon train, is racist. Wait that they see new Thor.

 

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... coming soon: Sharknado 3: Wipeout in Washington.

 

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... with border crisis raging out of control, illegal aliens descended on Washington to demand the representation. Don't they mean... more representation?

 

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... Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel said that he want's illegals in his city. Poor kids who go there, they think Honduras is bad.

 

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... last moth Hamas debut their stealth donkey bomb. Last week they hit the Gaza school with one of their own rockets. How did it happen? Donkey's the only one who knew how to aim.

 

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... birth control politic chick Sandra Fluke is running for office and her biggest campaign donor is... birth control politic chick Sandra Fluke.She's funneled over $100K into her own campaign which is almost enough to cover campaign condom cost.

 

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... Africa is not a country. Can someone tell that to Joe? Anyone... except his boss, who's still counting states.

 

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... ancient antisemite and former pres Jimmy Carter is demanding official recognition of Hamas. Beside that, he wants 24 hour Matlock marathon on TBS and for new kids to get the hell of his lawn.

 

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... disgraced former NJ Governor Jon Corzine is set to co-host "Ready for Hillary" fundraiser in Hamptons. Why Corzine? Because their first choice Bernie Madoff is booked until the year 2160.

 

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... Marion Barry wrecked his car while driving wrong way down the Pennsylvania Avenue. Barry blamed the "hypoglycemic attack" as a cause... Is that how kids are calling it these days? Hey man, don't bong that hypoglycemia...

 

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... King Putt did take a few days off last week, from his grueling vacation schedule. Thanks to ISIS he had to push his tee time back. There is no end to sacrifices this man will make.

 

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... "no justice, no peace" said Al Sharpton. "No justice no peace. No ju... What? Michael Brown was total thug who assaulted the cop and try to take his gun? Oops... I'm gonna go picket my hotel suite" said Al Sharpton... "No jacuzzi, no peace, who's with me?"

 

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... Jesse Jackson hit the skid when he got booed of the stage after hitting up Ferguson crowd for donations. In between lines, he meant something like... "If you act now, I can put my love child through college".

 

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... Russia invaded Ukraine. It's time to deploy Barry's secret super weapon, tactical hashtag #UnitedForUkraine.

 

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... last Thursday, as most media reported, president "know-it-all" said "We don't have strategy yet." First of all, how is that news? Second, would love to hear his strategy of fighting terrorist that he armed. So basically what he said is just a general statement.

 

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... it turns out that those Lois Lerner emails weren't "destroyed". According to the Liar-in-chief administration, just retrieving them would be " too onerous". Yeah, I was going to pay my taxes, but it was... too onerous.

 

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... Senator Kirsten Gilibrand's new book feature tales of unnamed legislators sexually harassing her. Something's telling me that "unnamed" really means Democrat.

 

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... meanwhile, Senator Nancy Pelosi said that she never encountered such behavior. Well, THAT... I believe her.