How About a Joke Thread ?

[App'z]

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about,
he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down,
enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest
were three wide strips of adhesive tape,
the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence,
“Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!”

 

[laferia52]

Lil Johnnys wife writes.
View attachment 601514Lil Johnny is immediately touched by his Wifes tender thoughts and asks, "Can you bring me a Dude Wipe from the hall closet?"

you want to hear a joke makala harris and joe

 

[App'z]

I work hard, earn more and by god I am a great provider ! TWSS ! (thas what she said )_ ↓↓

 

[App'z]

You do know Joe (bid guy) someone is trying to ruin everything !

 

[App'z]

↑ Lil Johnny, a inspector from the pest-control company..
Is having an affair with a married woman.
One Afternoon they are carrying on in the Wifes bedroom
when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the Wife, "into the Closet Lil Johnny"
and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

↓The husband, however, becomes suspicious and
after a search of the bedroom discovered Lil Johnny in the closet..
"Who are you?" he asked him..

↑"I'm inspector Lil Johnny from Bugs-B-Gone" says Lil Johnny.

↓"What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..

↑" I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' says Lil Johnny

↓"And where are your clothes?" asks the husband.

↑Well; Lil Johnny thinks for a quick moment
while he looks himself over and says,

↓"Those little *******s!"..

 

[App'z]

A police officer responds to a terrible wreck scene,
where a Male and Female passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage 3 year old Lil Johnny comes up to the Officer near the crash scene.
The officer looked down at Lil Johnny and said, "I would like for you to describe what happened here."
So Lil Johnny looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, Lil Johnny a 3 year old shakes his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," nodded 3 year old Lil Johnny.
"What happened?"
Lil Johnny pretends to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
Lil Johnny pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
Lil Johnny motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying these victims were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
Lil Johnny nods his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" Says 3 year old Lil Johnny ! ....

 

[Feeding Crows]

Geez, I hope you're not a standup comedian...

But I do like your effort! poor lil johnny...

 

[Feeding Crows]

lil johnny became a priest. He walked into a bar and met a rabbi and a minister...

They all got drunk, and climbed to the top of the building. Each of them said, "God will not let me die" as they jumped off the building to their deaths.

That's the joke...

 

[Michelle420]

Nobody laughed at my friends stand up but one guy and me. she was funny.

 

[App'z]

↑↑ the pain, oh the pain ! .....lol


Seems that when the Lord was creating the world, He called Lil Johnny over and
bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Lil Johnny is disappointed !...
"Only twenty years of normal sex life?"
Yet, the Lord was adamant and insisted that Lil Johnny
could have no more than twenty years of normal sex life.
Then, the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years.
"But, I don't need twenty years, "protested the monkey.
"Ten years is plenty for me."
Lil Johnny spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten years?"
The monkey graciously agreed.
Then, the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years.
The lion, like the monkey, only wanted ten years.
Again,Lil Johnny asked , "can I have the other ten years?"
The lion graciously agreed.
Then, along came a donkey and he too was given twenty years.
But, like the others, ten years was more than sufficient.
Once again, Lil Johnny pleaded, "can I have the other ten years?"
And so, it all makes perfect sense now...
Lil Johnny has twenty years of normal sex life,
ten years of monkeying around,
ten years of lion about it and
ten years of making an ass of himself.

 

[App'z]

↑←↔↓

Apple Does It Again! Today Lil Johnny the CEO of
Apple announced today that it has developed
a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iboob will cost from $499 to $699,
depending on cup size, speaker size,
and storage capacity.
Lil Johnny states, "This is considered a major social breakthrough,
because women are always complaining about
men staring at their Boobs and not listening to them."...

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

The woman is very concerned that she has not had a date or sex in quite some time,
so she decides to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommends that she see the well known sex therapist, Dr Lil Johnny.
So she goes to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Lil Johnny says, "OK take off all your crose."
The woman does as she is asked.
"Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again the woman does as she is instructed.
Dr. Lil Johnny then says, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
So she does.
Dr.Lil Johnny shakes his head slowly and says, "'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried the woman asked anxiously "Oh my god, Dr Lil Johonny, what is Ed Zachary Disease ?"
Dr Lil Johnny Chang sighs deeply and replies "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look edzachary like your arss"..... ...

 

[App'z]

Crazy vids !

 

[App'z]

TikTok - Make Your Day

 

[Stashman]

Lil johnny is sitting at the table doing his English homework.
He looks over at his dad and says,
Dad I need the definition of two words, "Potential and Reality".
His dad says, "Ill do better than that, and give you an example."
" Go into the kitchen to your mother and asked her if for a million bucks if she'd sleep with Robert Redford, and than go to your sisters room and ask her for a million bucks if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt."
So lil Johnny not knowing what dad was up to did as he was told. He goes to the kitchen and asked, "Mom for a million bucks would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
Mom blushes and in a hushed voice says, "Yes, yes I would."
So he than he goes to his sisters room and asked, "Sis, for a million bucks would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
Sis looks at him and says, "Yes, yes I would."
Lil Johnny goes back into the living room and says, "Dad I think I get it. We are potentially sitting on a couple million bucks, but in reality we're living with a couple of sluts."

 

[App'z]

The Pilot of an oversea flight on the intercom to passengers.

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with you with our compliments."

 

[App'z]

A guy took a blonde out on a date one night.
Eventually, they ended up parked at 'lovers point'
where they started making out. After things
started to progress, the guy thought he might get lucky.
After a few more minutes of fooling around, he asked his date,
"Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought,
maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and
skirt off and the windows are steamed. Things are getting really hot,
so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again.
Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty,
and she even has his pants unzipped.
Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want
to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"

 

[App'z]

U asked the question ? .....

 

[ChemEngineer]